to think that DD's school should not hand her over to another parent without my express permission?

[nortynamechanger]

On a Weds DD finishes school at 3.45pm and should go to Drama club until 4.30pm.

I arrived at school at 4.15pm to find her sitting outside with another parent, with whom I am friends.

I walked up and asked DD why she wasn't in drama club and sent her in for the last 15mins, she was very upset about having forgotten. She had forgotten, she is in Yr3 (8yrs) and is being assessed for dyspraxia at the mo - she is particularly disorganised and forgetful and she has anxiety problems with regard to this.

Friend said that teacher (Head of Pastoral Care) doing dismissing handed her over, in my absence, and friend waited for me to arrive. I thanked her and went in to school to check drama club wasn't canx.

I am cross as school a)didn't know where she should have been and b) that they left her in the care of another parent without my permission. (My Dh is only miffed about a)

The school are well aware of DD's issues as we have had many phonecalls and meetings, inc with the SENCO.

They have on many occasions promised that she will be given the help and support she needs to become more independent and will not be left to flounder (again - had some probs already). Today I was informad that it is each child's responsibility to get to their club on time.

Message withdrawn

Amazed. We have to have a note in the message book for any child to go home with another parent. Also, once I had a flat tyre, phoned another mother to pick up at the school for me, and the mother still had to phone me so I could give the teacher permission verbally to hand over to the other Mum. (I thought this was fine by the way)

YANBU at all - they need to tighten up their procedures.

When DD was 5 in Year 1 the teacher released her into a sea of parents in the milling area but she was supposed to be at a club. Luckily my friend grabbed her, took her to the office and called me. Apparently the club had been cancelled and they had called all the parents on the list. They hadn't called me and when I pushed a bit more for an answer, turns out DD's name wasn't on the list, so consequently nor was mine. Apart from anything else, in an emergency the school would have had no idea she was in the building if she wasn't on the list.

Me and the headteacher had a little meeting the next morning and she promisd to tighten procedures, which she did.

Normally, I would expect the rules to change between infants school and junior school. My dc's infants school was always really strict about this and never released any children to anyone else unless the parent had handed in a written note to the office.

With them going up to junior school, it changed, as increasingly parents started allowing their children walking to school on their own or with older siblings. My ds (7, in Yr 3)sometimes goes up on his own and his mate walks with his older siblings (Yr 6). This obviously presupposes that most 7/8yos are mature enough to know who they should be going off with and who not. Given different parental ideas on this, it is obviously difficult for the school to enforce a set of rules.

However, given your dd's special needs I think you should insist that they look after her. I'd go in and have a word if I were you.

DS2s school rang today to say that he did not have club(total cockup on my part thought it started today) and could my friend who was there and who he knows pick him up as she was with him and offering to do so.
I was very greatful that she was with him and able to bring him home, also that the school rang me to ask if that was ok.

Felt a really bad mother for not getting the right day for club though.

I would be cross about (a)

But less so with (b) I know that DD's school allows DD's friend to come away with me, even though her mum hasn't expressly said so that morning. But the teacher does know the parents reasonably well know so she knows that O often comes away from school with me, and DD with O's mum.

I was a year 3 teacher and SEN or not a child should be handed over to their parent/carer/nanny/childminder etc. It is not your friends' (lovely lady though ) responsibility.

I would take this up with the school.

Whose responsibility is it to get your child into drama club? Not the teacher's anyway, it's an out of hours club.

Friends and I have a sort-of agreement that been in force for nearly 4 years now. I live nearest school and don't leave the playground until I know all the kids in our 'circle' are accounted for (the other mums are all employed with fixed hours, I am footloose self employed). If they are late they will not be able to phone/text as they will be driving, probably stuck in traffic. I will take any stragglers back to my house. Teachers know about this arrangement and it's worked well through playgroup/nursery/Reception and now Year 1.
On the odd occasion I have a commitment, one of others ensures they are there.
But I know staff wouldn't release the children under other circumstances. School ends at 3.15, the teachers stay in class until 3.30, then children are taken to the office and parents contacted.

If the drama club is on school premises which I assume it is and the school knows that she attends then they should make sure the child goes there safely (whether she has dysphraxia or not). They are releasing the child at the end of the day to the parent/carer and in this case the carer is the drama club. You're not being unreasonable to expect the school to follow this through. A quiet word with the teacher and hopefully it'll be sorted - in a "she's having trouble remembering etc can you please make sure she remembers? I do remind her but she often forgets". If it's done in a really nice I need your help and thank you so much way it'll get done.

I disagree Kitti. It is an after school club, so it is the parent's responsibility to get the child there IMO.

I can appreciate why you're upset. However, at our school,the juniors come out on their own and are not handed over to parents. The onus is firmly on the child to a) go to after school clubs b) find their parents in the playground c) go back into school if no-one there for them.

cornsilk, you're talking mince imho. If the drama club is on school premises, how can it possibly be the parents responsibility to get the child there?
I was involved in running an after school club (and this is a few years ago) and they collected Primary 1 / Primary 2 children from their classes and the older ones made their own way there. If any of the older ones didn't turn up, the ASC would then check to see whether they had been absent from school that day / parent had phoned to say they wouldn't be there. If they should have been at the club the school would then contact the parent.

Doesn't happen where I work or where my ds's go to school. Is parent's responsibility to get them there as it's an after school club - same with before school clubs.

my dc have seperate infant/junior schools,in the infants the staff will not hand a child over to anyone other than the parent without prior arrangement,but in the juniors they are just let out to either make their own way home or find their own parents.they are also responsible for knowing whether they have an after school club.

you need to have a word with the school,really,i dont think they did anything wrong.

YANBU. even thought the other parent was a friend of yours how was the school to know this? They should have phoned you to find out where you were of kept your daughter in school untill you arrived.