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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner secretly taking photos

15 replies

Curriedpeanuts · 27/01/2023 21:30

I am processing the end of a relationship and different things that happened and wanted peoples opinion on this one thing. Partly just for processing and partly because my ex has asked if we could try again and I am thinking everything through.

My partner (we were both women) used to take photos and videos of me on the quiet. As an example, we would be sitting somewhere and she would have her phone in her hand, as would I, but sometimes I would see the angle it was at and suddenly realise she was taking photos or video of me. More than once I told her I didn't like her doing that. After we broke up I asked her to send me some pics from a holiday we had taken and she sent a bulk load of pictures and among them were loads of pics I didn't know had been taken. One of these was actually of me sitting up in bed looking at WhatsApp on my phone - her naked eyesight wasn't good enough to see what I was typing but from the pic you certainly could have zoomed in to see it. I didn't have anything to hide but it just feels like an invasion of privacy. Another she sent in that batch was from when we were sitting in a pub and I was talking to her, from the angle she must have had her phone on her knee videoing me.
I don't mind photos being taken when I know its happening, and even if she openly held her phone up to take a candid shot when I wasn't expecting it I wouldn't mind, and its nice if someone wants photos of you. But what bothered me was that she would hold her phone down low and do it in a way I would not know it was being done.
YABU - I am being over sensitive on this
YANBU - it is creepy

OP posts:
Blanketwars · 27/01/2023 21:34

OMG that’s massively creepy. And she carried on after you told her not to??!!
I feel like if that’s not illegal it should be! You are definitely not being unreasonable!!

TicketBoo23 · 27/01/2023 21:35

Very weird.

OxPeg · 27/01/2023 21:37

No, that’s not OK at all OP. It’s really creepy and at best it shows she has no respect for your wishes or boundaries. Do not give her another chance!

PaddyDingDong · 27/01/2023 21:46

OxPeg · 27/01/2023 21:37

No, that’s not OK at all OP. It’s really creepy and at best it shows she has no respect for your wishes or boundaries. Do not give her another chance!

This

Did she give any reason as to why she was doing this?

Curriedpeanuts · 27/01/2023 21:56

PaddyDingDong · 27/01/2023 21:46

This

Did she give any reason as to why she was doing this?

No, if she'd been open about it I'd have happily smiled for the camera.

But as it is, it was shots of me at odd angles looking crap. Who wants shots of their partner looking crap? It makes me feel like there could also be a bunch that I haven't even seen.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/01/2023 21:58

Ia she into photography and arty pictures (rather than smily ones)? What did she say when you spoke to her about it? Did she continue to do it after you asked her to stop?

stripedsox · 27/01/2023 22:07

Why did she do it and what did she do with them?

Curriedpeanuts · 27/01/2023 22:09

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/01/2023 21:58

Ia she into photography and arty pictures (rather than smily ones)? What did she say when you spoke to her about it? Did she continue to do it after you asked her to stop?

She is into photography but I wouldn't call these arty shots. She just found it funny when I said no, maybe I wasn't firm enough but I thought she got the message, and I didn't realise how many pics like this there had been until she sent the ones from the holiday.

OP posts:
Curriedpeanuts · 27/01/2023 22:11

stripedsox · 27/01/2023 22:07

Why did she do it and what did she do with them?

I don't know, just to have pictures of me to look at when I'm not there? They are just on her phone.

OP posts:
CrazyBiscuits · 27/01/2023 22:15

Its one thing taking natural photos rather than set up and posed. Its another taking them without telling the person afterwards and not showing them the photos afterwards.

FabFitFifties · 27/01/2023 22:17

There would be no second chances from me - no respect for your wishes/boundaries

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/01/2023 22:21

Dear god how weird, don’t get back with her and make it a clean break.

Allthelego · 27/01/2023 22:22

That’s weird. When you told her you didn’t like it , what did she say? Did she say why she was doing it?

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 27/01/2023 22:25

I love a candid shot but would say afterwards and delete if unflattering because what's the point?

I think the key thing here tho is that you told her to stop and she didn't? Boundary crossing behaviour is a massive red flag. Don't go back there.

mauvish · 27/01/2023 22:34

Curriedpeanuts · 27/01/2023 22:11

I don't know, just to have pictures of me to look at when I'm not there? They are just on her phone.

They won't be "just on her phone"; they'll also be on the icloud or google photos, and thus downloadable to any linked account.

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