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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's with boys calling girls fat?

12 replies

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 20:59

My daughter is 9 and she has a real first crush on this boy in her class. They are quite friendly, on Tuesday at school she came home and said they were making 'fat' jokes back and forth at each other. For instance, 'you are so fat we started printing a picture of you in October and it's still printing' 🙄 etc.

Today, however, she said she was sitting chatting with him about their queen Victoria drawing and he pointed at her stomach and said, 'look at you, you're so fat'. I said to her that he was obviously wanting to continue the game from yesterday but she said he wasn't joking, it was different and there was nastiness in the way he said it.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Another little boy in her class called her a 'greedy fat pig'. This was dealt with by the school as it really upset her.

For context, my daughter is completely average weight, she wears age 8-9 or 9-10 clothes, she is active and a gymnast, there really isn't a thing wrong with her.

It got me thinking, I remember being in first year at academy, also being a normal size/weight for my age and height and two boys would relentlessly call me fat in art class. I wasn't fat at all, I'd also done nothing to them, they just decided I was a target.

This really impacted on my view of myself and my body and has been something I've always been paranoid about. I can't ever remember a girl at school calling me fat.

Is this a normal occurrence? Or just what I have experienced?

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Mum97540 · 27/01/2023 21:08

I remember a boy in my primary school rating the girls and saying who he thought ugliest. My DD has had boys run her down for wearing glasses. Apparently they'd never go out with a glasses wearer. I think it's nothing to do with fat and just a sort of weird one-upmanship. And yes it's common ime with primary dc. How you get that across to a 9:year old I don't know.

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 21:11

Oh bless, it's so bloody nasty!! I hope your daughter takes no notice, although, I know that's easier said than done. Yeah very difficult to get across to a 9 year old. I try and just tell my daughter that she is lovely and that he is an idiot who is just being nasty. My mum says to her 'oh he just fancies you' which I hate, boys being nasty does not or should not equate to them fancying you. I just hope it doesn't do too much damage to her self esteem, that's my main worry.

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Thepossibility · 27/01/2023 21:12

I don't know the answer but my 10 yo DD has been called fat by several boys also. I think it gives them a power trip maybe?
All the Ahole men of the world have to start somewhere, don't they.

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 21:15

Thepossibility · 27/01/2023 21:12

I don't know the answer but my 10 yo DD has been called fat by several boys also. I think it gives them a power trip maybe?
All the Ahole men of the world have to start somewhere, don't they.

Apparently so! Hope your daughter isn't too bothered by it, wee bastards.

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FruHagen · 27/01/2023 21:15

This just drives me insane. I feel so angry for your daughter.

Everyone needs to stop commenting on girls and women's appearance. Everyone just stop it. Men and boys have to be taught that it is not their right to comment, their opinion is not relevant or wanted.

FruHagen · 27/01/2023 21:17

This made me laugh though, re: men commenting on women's appearance.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMYLRrtFf/

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 21:19

FruHagen · 27/01/2023 21:15

This just drives me insane. I feel so angry for your daughter.

Everyone needs to stop commenting on girls and women's appearance. Everyone just stop it. Men and boys have to be taught that it is not their right to comment, their opinion is not relevant or wanted.

I know, I feel awful for her, she said, 'it makes it worse because he is my crush' 😢. There's not much I can say or do other than tell her she is not fat, she's beautiful and to ignore him or tell the teacher. I asked her if she wanted me to contact the school, because I honestly think these types of comments are so damaging to children (boys and girls), that I have no qualm in speaking to the school to have them deal with it seriously. She said she didn't want me to contact the school, so of course I won't as I want her to be able to trust she can confide in me and her dad without kicking off. But it's difficult.

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Rockingcloggs · 27/01/2023 21:22

Boys used to sing to me:

'She's big, she's round, she bounces on the ground'.

Now, as terrible as it sounds it never actually hurt me, name calling never did/has - I'm just made that way but it's definitely not just your experience. Kids can be absolute arseholes.

FruHagen · 27/01/2023 21:27

Ohhh, poor thing.

Yes, it is damaging for everyone. I don't know how I would handle it. They used to say it's because a boy likes you but that just encourages girls to think abuse is love.

Sending your daughter best wishes, it happens to the best of us.

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 21:32

FruHagen · 27/01/2023 21:27

Ohhh, poor thing.

Yes, it is damaging for everyone. I don't know how I would handle it. They used to say it's because a boy likes you but that just encourages girls to think abuse is love.

Sending your daughter best wishes, it happens to the best of us.

Thank you 🙏🏻

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Mamaneedsadrink · 27/01/2023 21:32

I sometimes got picked on for being short, I just gave it back. Usually that shut them up.

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 21:34

Mamaneedsadrink · 27/01/2023 21:32

I sometimes got picked on for being short, I just gave it back. Usually that shut them up.

The thing is she's not fat! And she just wouldn't give it back, she's just not like that sadly. She sees the best in people. Her 'best friend' doesn't treat her very nice and she still says 'but she's a good person'. It's very frustrating.

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