I was the CF - The hover was not mine

[fortheloveofhovers]

Sorry name chance as I know I am the one was was wrong!

This was a little while ago but it plays on my mind and I don't think I will ever be able to fully repair my relationship with my uncle after taking his hoover without permission.

In a nut shell, my uncle bought my grandparents house (I was raised by my GPs in that house most of my life). I was accused by my uncle of 'looking too longingly around the house' after he bought it, I didn't go into bedrooms or anything, I might have commented on what they changed but I didn't snoop or over stay my welcome. My husband was with me and said he didn't think I was longing after the place, but I guess I did look fondly at the house I grew up in. My husband is a trades man and did a couple of small jobs of them for free also. I had handed my key back after he bought the house (obviously), never walked into his house (even though a few members of my family still did) after his bought it. My mum rents a few doors down from this house.

She became suddenly unexpectedly sick and developed sepsis. I live the other side of the country and was phone to come home immediately as in leave work now. She was in ICU and I was told to 'prepare' myself. She did recover but spent 6 weeks in hospital.

Just before she was coming home I was staying at hers and wanted to freshen the place up for her. The hoover wouldn't work. I knocked on my uncles door, no one in. I phoned my aunt, as I knew his eldest child (13yrs old) was there. I asked aunt to ask my cousin could I collect her to bring her home to let me into the house to borrow the hoover. Cousin said she was playing a game and didn't want to leave but the spare key was hidden in x place and to borrow it. I told my aunt I didn't think I should as I didn't think uncle would like it, since he thought I had hang ups on the house. She said she used the spare key several times and it'd be grand. So I borrowed the hoover, used it, returned it.

Also worth mentioning his wife doesn't like me. Probably for many reason, not sure what they are. But I know one thing for years was that I didn't go her dads funeral that 'I don't give a shit about anyone else, and only care about myself' I did go to her dads funeral she just didn't see me there!! I had an exam the following day so went to the service, briefly to the pub but left very early. I am fairly certain she did speak to me at it.

Any night of the hoover, my friend called and said lets go for a drink you've been so stressed recently. My uncle and his wife landed into the pub that night. He was after a few. And yelled about how much a disrespectiful little CF I was. That I had no right to enter his house without his permission. I did apologies but he said it was just me all over that I don't give a crap about anyone else and do what I want.

I was dramatic as a child and did have a lot of tantrums but honestly haven't been like that since I was a pre teen.

I think I just need this off my chest. Our relationship has never been the same and it makes me sad. We have had a few family events since and I pretend everything is OK even if he does try and start something. I just agree with what ever he says and leave it at that or just physically distance from him.

I do know I was a cf to go into his house without his permission.

Assuming the aunt who said you should use the key and go in was not your uncle’s wife/did not live in the house, I think you’re right that you shouldn’t have gone in and borrowed the hoover. You knew your uncle wouldn’t like it and you were right.

However, it also sounds like your uncle hasn’t liked you since you were a child and holds your (typical) childish behaviour then against you now, letting that be the foundation he reacts to everything else you do. Was he jealous of the attention you got from his parents (your GP) perhaps? It sounds like he has never really given you the benefit of the doubt and so everything is battle.

I would try and put it all behind you. I hope this thread has helped you get it off your chest a bit. It wasn’t the best thing to have done, but in so many families it would have been just fine and the way he has dragged the saga on is pretty nasty of him. I think it reflects worse on him than you.

It sounds as if your Uncle has a massive chip on his shoulder and it started before 'hoovergate'. Who accuses someone of looking around the house a little too longingly when it's the house she grew up in and her DH had done free work.

You had permission from his sister and from his child - you tried to contact with your Uncle. To me - your biggest crime, you went out with your friend when you should have returned the hoover but it was hardly a crime.

He sounds like a shouty grudge bearer. I don't know why you would want get back in his good books. Listen to your DH and your mum, let your Uncle stew in his own angry juice and forget about it.

You say you were like brother and sister, did he spend a lot of time at your grandparents house? Did your grandparents bring you up or was your mum living there too?

@NumberTheory He has said before that he feels excluded by his sisters (8 girls 2 boys in family, other boy lives abroad) the sisters organise things like spa/ musicals stuff like that and I get invited. He told me once (after drink) that he feels very excluded, I (not sibling) gets an invite but he doesn't

@Kitkatcatflap I had returned the hoover right after using it. I don't think about it often but sometimes.

@Daffodilsandtuplips he's only 8 years older than me so he lived there. No my mum didn't live with my GPs when I did.