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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kid at school touching DS privates

31 replies

Whathaveidonenoww · 27/01/2023 09:13

DS has said this had happened on two occasions now and he has told his dinner lady and it’s happened again.

how on earth do I address this? I know kids mess about sometimes but obviously it’s happened twice and DS has told his dinner lady and nothing has stopped this kid from doing it again.

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:14

Why is he telling the dinner lady? Surely it's a concern for the teacher?

Wasteofmoneyornot · 27/01/2023 09:16

Please go to the school today and ask to speak to the Safeguarding Lead

Give all the details you can and ask what they will be doing about it

Your child needs you now

Good luck OP

SparklyShoesandTutus · 27/01/2023 09:17

Discuss with the teacher. From experience I know that messages from break time and dinner staff do not always get back to the teachers. They should take swift action as it would be considered a safeguarding issue

GoodChat · 27/01/2023 09:17

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:14

Why is he telling the dinner lady? Surely it's a concern for the teacher?

He's done the right thing. He's told an adult. The dinner lady should be reporting it to the right safeguarding staff member.

OP speak to the class teacher.

somethingslastforever · 27/01/2023 09:18

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:14

Why is he telling the dinner lady? Surely it's a concern for the teacher?

Does it really matter who he told?

Original poster
Whathaveidonenoww · 27/01/2023 09:21

DS is 6 So he has just told the adult that was supervising them at the time??

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 27/01/2023 09:24

Just tell his class teacher. It can be a sign the other child is being touched inappropriately or might just be silliness but your job is to alert those who are with him so they can sort it out. It can be sorted out very quickly without any bother.

Mamamia32 · 27/01/2023 09:27

Please please raise it with the school ASAP. I know your number one concern will be your own child and how this is affecting him, but it's also important for the other child that you report it too. This behaviour can sometimes be a sign of child abuse.

WandaWonder · 27/01/2023 09:27

Call the school, what other than that would you be expecting an answer?

Beetlebum1981 · 27/01/2023 09:28

You need to report to his teacher, as others have said, this is a safe-guarding matter & needs logging at school.

It may well be that the other child isn't aware of appropriate boundaries & this needs to be addressed however it can also be a sign of something else like abuse at home. School need to be aware of it so that they can monitor the situation (in case of any further incidents) as well as educate the child & rest of the class. I had something similar with a child in my class recently & repeated the Pantosaurus lesson to reinforce the fact that 'pants are private' and that they need to tell an adult if anyone touches them inappropriately.

adulthumanfemalemum · 27/01/2023 09:32

Every single adult working in that school should have had safeguarding training and know this needed to go straight to the safeguarding lead. Speak to school and also ask why procedure was not followed by the adult he told.

Wishiwasatsoftplay · 27/01/2023 09:34

you are right it is v common- but it is still serious, not least because your son is learning the boundaries from you on this
well done for being the kind of parent your child tells- this is much less common
it is particularly common at lunch time as toilets are busy, adults are busy, less trained, and tend not to prioritise supervision of toileting (even if they say they do)

talk to class teacher- or the dsl (look on the website) warn your son they will have a chat with him, so it doesn’t feel dramatic to him, reassure him no one will be in trouble, including him. Follow up with an email detailing what happened and how the staff have/will deal with it in case they don’t.
School will/should take very seriously- for your son, of course, but also for the other child as this is a red flag for abuse

talk to your son about safeguarding-
make the link between telling an adult and it stopping. (even if this wasn’t immediate)
use the pants resource from the nspcc
Make sure he knows you are not cross
teach him a phrase to say, to shout loudly and to find a specific adult to tell/place to go
if you can narrow down which children, this will help staff (year/classroom/names/)

if school are not dealing-
Feel legitimate to kick up a fuss.
school will worry about ofsted especially as peer on peer abuse is a focus atm, so stick everything in an email and you will have their attention

Butterfly44 · 27/01/2023 09:35

Go into school and speak to welfare officer/safeguarding adult. Or head/deputy in first instance. This absolutely needs raising.
That child may have something going on in their home life that no one is aware about

Jimboscott0115 · 27/01/2023 09:35

Wasteofmoneyornot · 27/01/2023 09:16

Please go to the school today and ask to speak to the Safeguarding Lead

Give all the details you can and ask what they will be doing about it

Your child needs you now

Good luck OP

Absolutely this OP, I'd be on the phone to the safeguarding lead the moment I heard. This is sexual contact.

Spanglemum · 27/01/2023 09:36

What @adulthumanfemalemum said. I'm a school governor and the school was criticised in an inspection a few years ago when one of the kitchen staff could not name the safeguarding lead.

There are two issues here, the incident and the way it was handled.

LolaSmiles · 27/01/2023 09:38

It shouldn't matter who he told because the adult he reported it to should have raised it with the safeguarding lead.

Definitely speak to the safeguarding lead OP and also mention that your DC has disclosed this to members of staff before. The safeguarding lead needs to know if staff need reminding of their safeguarding responsibilities.

BroadwayMalady · 27/01/2023 09:41

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:14

Why is he telling the dinner lady? Surely it's a concern for the teacher?

In my experience young children generally don't know the difference in roles between adults at school. Everyone is Teacher.

OoooohMatron · 27/01/2023 09:41

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:14

Why is he telling the dinner lady? Surely it's a concern for the teacher?

He's told an adult in authority, what a stupid comment 🙄

Onwayoutsoon · 27/01/2023 09:56

BroadwayMalady · 27/01/2023 09:41

In my experience young children generally don't know the difference in roles between adults at school. Everyone is Teacher.

Show quote history

This!

DiscoStusMoonboots · 27/01/2023 09:59

All adults in schools have safeguarding responsibilities - he did the right thing in telling his nearest adult. Call the school now and ask to speak with the DSL as a matter of urgency.

Sadly, this sort of behaviour is sometimes symptomatic of children experiencing or witnessing similar abuse at home. I hope your son is ok.

Tontostitis · 27/01/2023 10:03

This is an indicator that the other child is being sexually abused

Puppers · 27/01/2023 10:04

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:14

Why is he telling the dinner lady? Surely it's a concern for the teacher?

Because she is an adult in the school. It's not the child's fault that nothing has been done; the adult who received the disclosure (the dinner lady) should have escalated it to the appropriate member of staff.

peaceandpotato · 27/01/2023 10:05

Phone the school now

Comedycook · 27/01/2023 10:05

I really don't understand why you're struggling to deal with this. Isn't it obvious you ask to speak to a senior teacher or safeguarding lead at the school asap? I wouldn't have even sent my dc back to school before I'd spoken to them.

debbs77 · 27/01/2023 10:07

Directly email the head and cc the teacher.

This is a sexual assault. This kind of behaviour needs stopping in its tracks