To 3rd or not to 3rd?

[Fairylights87]

I know this is a topic discussed in a thousands of threads but please help me!

We have 2DCs (DC1 - 3 years old) & (DC2 - 1 years old). I found the age gap wonderful and although my first is a terrible sleeper, the second one is like a dream!

I am thinking of having a 3rd and as I like 2 year age gaps, it's about time to decide if it's right or not.

I know finances is a big issue and it's individual to everyone's circumstances, so you can't help much of that. I can understand that a 3rd bring challenges in logistics like car, space etc.

However, I want your experiences on how a 3rd affected relationships and time. I appreciate that the first couple of years will be a struggle like with every new baby but after this do things calm down? Does it worth it? I don't want to risk my relationship with DH and start arguing over nothing just because we are both utterly tired and can't handle the chaos.

My first made me a mummy and my second gave us a stronger sense that we are a family. What will the third do? Will it bring drama amongst us? Or will it bring joy and happiness?

DH is positive but has the same concerns as I do.

Any experience will be very welcome!

AIBU - Not to 3rd
AINBU - To 3rd

I wouldn't have a third, I've no desire to go back to nappies and constant feeding now that youngest is 4 and I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. But even if I did find myself longing for another, I wouldn't do it. Our eldest has Autism and needs lots of attention, so if I had a baby the 'middle child' would likely end up being overlooked. I also think I'd find the sleep deprivation harder to cope with as I get older. For others it might be fine though.

I know some on here would say I'm being negative but I think it's important to factor in how all members of your family would cope (practically, emotionally and financially) with a child with SEN or significant health issues. It's not something we thought about before we had DD, and as wonderful as she is, it does require a lot more work and adjustments to your family life than 'normal' (for want of a better word) parenting.

We have 3, first 2 are 18 months apart, third was 3.5 years after the second (career related reasons). First 2 was hard 2 under 2, third well we'd come out of it a little youngest was nearly 3. We did always want 3, I decided a long time ago pre kids even I was having 3 so it wasn't if it was when for us. We swapped cars a couple of years before our 3rd and forward planned, I took 3 carseats into the car showroom like a loon to make sure my imaginary 3rd child fitted (glad I did we did reject a car doing this). My husband could have stopped at 2, he always said everything is designed around 2 kids, cars, family tickets for things, family hotel rooms etc etc, he is right but I wanted 3 🤣 I won.

In terms of our relationship our 3rd has been like setting off a grenade really, it's been hard. I also had 2 amazing pregnancies and births, with the first 2, the second birth I left 4 hours later and was out on a 3 mile walk the day after, I felt fab. 3rd I had a few annoying issues in pregnancy (I was 36 at the time so older) and then the birth was all kinds of hideous that ended in forceps, I couldn't walk properly for 2 months and sex was out the question for about a year, really really awful.

Our third is coming up to 2, last night I was chatting with my husband and we both said we are so glad we went for number 3, despite him causing chaos (he never sleeps), trashes the place and you generally know he's arrived 🤣 he's the icing on the cake. No regrets. As long as your relationship can hack it, have a third. I think you know in your heart if you are done, I 100% wasn't after 2.