To worry 22 yo ds didn't come home last night

[nottoooldtochange]

Ds 22 has just moved back in with us, however we don't live in the same area he grew up in as we moved 250 miles away due to dh work, initially he stayed on in our hometown where his dad lives but recently moved here due to a good job opportunity with dh.

Last night about 6:30pm he was at a lose end so said he was just going to pop out for a bit but didn't say where and he didn't come back, it seemed a bit spare of the moment and he hasn't taken his car.

He isn't answering any texts and his messenger says he hasn't been active since yesterday and he's usually on there all the time.

I know he's an adult but he doesn't know anyone here plus he didn't take anything with him.
It's all really strange and doesn't make sense but yet he's 22 and a grown up.
Would you be worried?

Did he definitely have his phone with him? I must admit i would be frantic too, my Ds knows what im like so (if he was still living at home) he would send me a text if he was going to be late or out overnight, i think that is just common courtesy though when he is under your roof.

So he's been gone 21 hours and you've not heard from him? I'd be really worried!

You say he's not answering texts but have you tried calling him to see if his phones actually on?

Another one who’d be worried, if out of character. I’d maybe call 101 for some advice 🌸
And going forward, maybe introduce some ground rules on notifying you if he’s not planning to return of an evening, to reassure you

Another one here who would be worried and agree you might need to ring the police. He is probably fine but I would still be fretting.
I hope he’s home soon or contacts you.
Please update when you can.

Thank you for your support everyone, he has been in touch finally.
He stayed at a friends house and his phone died.
I don't know if that's the truth but at least he's alive.

Oh I'm so glad, OP. We're not supposed to worry, but we are only human

Thanks for updating.

Thanks for letting us know too

It depends on how he is usually. Some 22 year olds living at home come and go without notifying anyone, others keep their parents informed. You said that he would know you're worried and only you can decide how "out of character" this is for him. Personally, I would be concerned if it was out of character and he hasn't been online at all since he left.

You have to get used to having young adults in the house. Mine are pretty good at telling me they are staying out/having a guest back but I still worry. It's natural

Missed your last post - glad he's alright OP!!

Pleased he is ok but why didn't he ask friend if he could use their phone?

Because how many of us remember mobile phone numbers? We don’t need to because they’re in our phones

I’m relieved for you! as a mother of a 20 something I would’ve been going out of my mind too. My son’s phone is always dying, we got him one of those power packs or whatever you call, them as a backup.

Thanks for the update, OP.

Hope no one minds me saying, but a lesson to be learnt. Always make it clear what their (roughtly) intentions are and where going, phone charged and a few people they know to have contact details for parents. DD ended up fighting for her life in hospital, friends took her purse off her thinking it'd be safer with them and due to potential admittance to intensive care no one else was allowed in ambulance. No one thought about next of kin. We didn't know a thing until DD came around and phoned us from hospital! She's now set an alert up on her phone to let us know if there's a problem and roughly where she was at the time of alert (it works as she wrongly phoned emergency services!) and we had a notification come through.

Because how many of us remember mobile phone numbers? We don’t need to because they’re in our phones

So it's a good idea to write down a few essential numbers and keep them in one's wallet/purse, for just this eventuality.

I might be a bit concerned if its out of character. I'd say it's highly unlikely he hasn't noticed you've called so either something seriously has happened (unlikely) or he's deliberately ignoring you coz he's otherwise engaged. Thst could be anything from nursing a hangover/come down, he's pulled, hes in Police custody or quite simply he's lost his phone. If he's gonna be staying with you for a bit you need to agree some sort of communication.
Personally I'd feel its too restrictive to ask when/if he's coming home but nothing to stop him sending a quick text at 4am or 10 in the morning.

Glad he’s ok OP and that you can stop worrying.

Wouldn't be tolerating that at all.

If he wants to live like that, move out and its none of your business.

Two rules here that I expect to be adhered to.

One word text "home", so I can check my phone if I wake, and know they are safe.

"At friends" or words to that effect that my 22 year old isn't coming home.

I don't mind in the least, but if they want to live here I don't expect to be put through any extra stress worrying if they are ok in the middle of the night.

Have that conversation with him so he understands you are not prepared to have your sleep disturbed by worry.

Mine understood and follow through with it usually.