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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what you would do here?

12 replies

MonkeyDoodles · 26/01/2023 14:09

Colleague who works between several sites has really helped me of late in a supportive way and is a lovely person. I have offloaded a lot onto her but I do also feel that she has benefitted as well. We text out of work also and planned to meet socially when my contract is up at the end of the month.
On Monday, it was the last time we would see each other in work. The last time I saw her she seemed quiet and distant. This time, the same, but also upset but put that down to her working in another part of the office she dies not like. That morning, she saw me chatting with other colleagues about personal matters the way I do her and also gave another worker who I see very rarely a hug to and she just walked off and busied herself with something else. Then at the end of her shift, just went with no word. No message or anything since. As I said, we were texting a lot and planning a lunch so I am a bit confused. Aibu to ask if you would just let it go?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 26/01/2023 14:14

I would leave it for now or else you look like a needy school child expecting to have a 'best friend'. What exactly are you going to say 'why didn't you hug me good bye'. Why not leave it a week or two and then get in touch asking how she is getting on and if she would like to arrange to meet for lunch

whattodo1975 · 26/01/2023 14:16

I'd possible not discuss personaly matters with so many different people at work, seems a bit over sharing.

MonkeyDoodles · 26/01/2023 14:21

I just thought she could have come and said goodbye and with the no messages since, just seems a bit weird. Out of character for her.

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 26/01/2023 14:32

I would just send a message saying 'are you ok , you seemed a bit quiet today, hope we can meet up soon ' and see what she says.

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2023 14:34

I think you should appreciate that she might not be as invested in this friendship as you are.

MonkeyDoodles · 26/01/2023 14:37

I don't believe so as just the other week ago, she was saying how she was really looking forward to seeing me and she texts me off her own back.

OP posts:
SabbatWheel · 26/01/2023 14:39

Sounds like she’s bit TOO invested and you’re more than just a friend to her.

maddy68 · 26/01/2023 14:43

Sounds like she's having a really tough day did you go over and say hello or was she expected to come to you ?

TheLostNights · 26/01/2023 14:47

Really @SabbatWheel ?
That's a pretty huge leap to say the least and a bit of a silly comment.
Was thinking more that she was just going through a rough time, maybe feeling like she was one of many in terms of colleagues especially after hearing the personal chats/seeing the hug.

SabbatWheel · 26/01/2023 15:04

TheLostNights · 26/01/2023 14:47

Really @SabbatWheel ?
That's a pretty huge leap to say the least and a bit of a silly comment.
Was thinking more that she was just going through a rough time, maybe feeling like she was one of many in terms of colleagues especially after hearing the personal chats/seeing the hug.

Are you the judge of all that is sensible? No, so wrap up.

Not a huge leap at all, to suggest that someone who has clearly had a close emotional bond with someone over a period of time might value that bond more than the other person, and be somewhat jealous of the other person showing closeness and affection to others. I see it all the time among girl groups in school - just because OP and her friend are adults doesn’t mean that emotions more common in younger people aren’t still felt. Jealousy is a strong emotion.

ifonly4 · 26/01/2023 15:09

If it's out of character, I'd message and ask if she's ok. Might be she's having problems and not dealing that well with them. That way, whatever happens in the future you know you've tried to support her and also aren't left wondering if you should have tried to sort it.

TheLostNights · 27/01/2023 10:12

😕
I agree that she may be jealous but standing by the fact that insinuating that they are romantic feelings involved based on that one post and scant information is a big jump.

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