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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Alcoholic partner

13 replies

Deedotr · 26/01/2023 13:11

I live with my partner one year now. We had broken up for ten years because of his alcoholism and I thought he had "learnt his lesson". We reconciled and have been living with him last one year. I pay the bills in the house. He only got a job in one month ago which doesn't contribute much to the upkeep needed for the hose. I have two daughters, 17 and 10. The older one is his biological daughter who just finished high school. My problem is that he has peed on the bed or on himself about four times since we started living together. On christmas night we had visitors at our house and he got drunk . I knew he was badly wasted so I went to seep in my DS room. In the morning I go into the bedroom and find that he had wet the bed and had tried to cover it up so I dont find out. Told him he had better get his shit together and get help for his alcoholism by end on January this year or we are done. Two weeks later he goes our again and gets drunk, and comes home staggering and bloody. He says he fell somewhere. I was not at home but my two daughters were home. When I came back (from a meeting) about 7.00pm I found him in the bed with the dirty clothes and blood stains by the bedroom door. I was furious and thought about my poor daughters having to witness him getting into the house drunk and bloody. Since then I have been sleeping in my DS bedroom. I just want to move out. I have not spoken a word to him since this incident. He keeps trying to talk to me about stuff, but I keep ignoring him, and am wondering why he doesn't see how bad his actions are. There are five days until end of January by which time I had told him to get help or we would be over. Honestly I don't think he realizes am serious. I just want to leave, but I dont want to rush anything. I can't tell him to leave coz he will try to come to the house and I dont want that kind of experience or expose my daughters to any possible insecurity Am i being unreasonable to leave?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2023 13:13

Well you’re not serious, are you? Because he’s still there and you’ve done nothing.

He’s not changing so either deal with it or don’t.

Aldibag · 26/01/2023 13:29

You are not being unreasonable to leave a bad partnership because someone is not partner material.

You are not obliged to wait till end of Jan to leave. You make the decision based on the safety and happiness of your children. It sounds like you feel your ex partner is disgusting, unreliable and not fit to share a house with them. The ex partner is a bad role model for them, as you see it.

If he gets help, even in the future, maybe you could restart the relationship. But there is not a relationship (healthy communication, connection, mutual support and respect) at the moment, by the sounds of it. Waiting for a calendar date is not going to change things. Only CHANGE will change things - and that may take years or may never come.

I think you know this already. You want more for your children than this.

BillyBobsFringe · 26/01/2023 13:39

Get this cunt out of your children's home fgs!

Justcallmebebes · 26/01/2023 13:46

This is the reality of life with an alcoholic. You knew he was an alcoholic but still went back to him and involved another child in the toxicity.

For your kids' sake, either kick him out or leave yourself. I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve by giving him deadlines to sort himself out. It ain't going to happen

gelatogina · 26/01/2023 13:49

He is not going to change, so you have to make the decision for your kids sake and your own.

yes you can and should tell him to leave. You are already exposing your daughters to much worse.

Poursomesugaronme88 · 26/01/2023 13:52

Yabu for putting your children through this. Move on

Crispyturtle · 26/01/2023 14:00

The only thing you are being unreasonable about is continuing to expose your daughters to this man, why won’t you protect them? You are failing them, get it together and leave.

DrManhattan · 26/01/2023 14:01

I wouldn't have this shower around my kids

MiaMoor · 26/01/2023 14:06

Kick him out. He’s not going to improve and will drag you and your daughters down with him.

You are all worth more than this.

MrsFrugal · 26/01/2023 14:27

Had he stopped drinking at all during the 10 years you were not together? i.e sought real help for his alcohol problem?

Livinghappy · 26/01/2023 14:33

What is your housing situation? It would obviously be easier for him to leave rather than uproot the children. Are you worried about him getting aggressive?

Deedotr · 08/02/2023 12:56

I hear you all on this. Thank you for kicking my butt properly. I asked my partner to move out and he says he has nowhere to go. Also he says that he cannot afford rehab. where I live rehab is not cheap. However, he says he asked at church and has plans to go for some therapy/prayer sessions held once a week on saturdays at church.

OP posts:
Cnidarian · 08/02/2023 13:00

Him having nowhere to go is not your problem. Protect your kids from him, kick him out and don't take no for an answer.

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