i really don’t know what to do anymore .
she is a really close friend , we don’t live in the same country so our chats are mostly over texts and audio messages on WhatsApp . She has a 12yM old from a previous ( difficult ) partner and a 4yM with her current partner which somehow is even worse than the one before .
The youngest has a kidney disease which means a lot of medications a lot of doctors appointments and struggle with food , the father is such an anxious negative ( possibly traumatised ) person and he created so many issues around food and now the child will only eat white rice and cracker … so as much as she has tried everything to help she is also left alone running a household , two children , trying to work and find a job that can give more stability while he used to work long shifts as a delivery driver and used to use that as an excuse to do absolutely NOTHING In the house or with the children . Now he is unemployed and he is still not helping , he complains constantly that they don’t have an intimate life ( he will emotionally black mail her into having intercourse every evening … or he will sulk and won’t speak to her for days ) .
As much as I’m fully aware I hear only her version of events and I’m sure it’s impossibile to fully appreciate a family’s dynamic from
the outside … I always struggle to not jump on his throat … I know a good friend should be there for listening but I grew up una an abusing house and what she describes really triggers my deepest anger and I know she won’t just leave him cause I suggest so, I genuinely try to avoid even bringing it up cause I know she needs a friend not someone to tell her what to do BUT… yesterday she described a really sad scene where for the millionth time she was doing it all alone , her kid refused dinner and the partner wouldn’t help her in any part of the evening routine , the kid lashed out and started to scream and pull my friend’s hair while the dad was sitting doing nothing , my friend ended up slapping the kid ( she regrets it but I think I would have lost my cool too at that point I don’t condone this at all but I’m talking about an extremely lonely stressed person here and she never uses violence )and when she brought it up with the partner he obviously accused her of using the wrong methods … she then told me “ he can call everyone idiot and cretin in the house but when it’s me losing my cool I’m the monster “ and it made my stomach turn … these kids are stuck in a house with an anxious and negative dad who doesn’t bother much with them and an overwhelmed mum with her own issues , and the dad is also insulting them … it triggered me , I can’t help it .
AIBU into thinking that I need to take a step back from this friendship cause I feel like all
i want to do is to scream on the phone to leave his ass cause her kids are paying the price of her poor romantic choices ? And I know that friends can’t do that ( I have in the past and obviously no effect whatsoever) .
thabks ti anyone who will take time to read this , my heart is broken for them and I really don’t know how to act anymore .
oh and I finally convinced her to go to therapy and she has her first session in few days so I hope that will help her and she went with the partner to a consultation w a child psychologist and a with a nutritionist and they all understood immediately that he is the one working against any kind of improvement so I hope they will
manage to help in that department too … I just never realised he was also verbally abusing .