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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you do?

17 replies

Sunflower112 · 25/01/2023 18:03

Sharing on behalf of a friend
What would you do?

So we have a group of friends. Started off by our partners and the girlfriends soon became friends too. At one point we were all quite close but this has drifted a little over the past year. There are still get togethers here and there.

One of the men has recently in the past year or so got a new girlfriend and she’d pregnant, soon to give birth.

A few months ago the man in question messaged my friend basically telling her he fancied her and has done for ages etc. He had clearly had a drink. My friend was very shocked at these comments and thought it must be a wind up as he was with some friends. She thought maybe someone was on his phone? She questioned this and left it at that - feeling quite confused.

Since then it’s happened a few times and recently Saturday night. My friend doesn’t want the drama but feels like his girlfriend should know. Problem is she’s about to give birth and she really doesn’t want to put her through the stress at this time in her life. She doesn’t want to ruin this experience of having her first baby with her partner. I don’t know what advice to give her. She knows her partner is betraying her but she doesn’t want to upset the girlfriend. We went to her baby shower so she has become a new friend to us. She said if it happens again she is tempted to tell her. Also her last messages to him were along the lines of stop messaging me this you have a baby on the way etc.

What do you do in this situation?
AIBU VOTE
YES- she should have told her / tell her
NO- she should hold back this info due to circumstances but distance herself from the man in question

OP posts:
GoodChat · 25/01/2023 18:10

There's no need to tell her. She needs to talk to the man who's sending her inappropriate messages. If they're friends it's easy to tell him to buck his ideas up.

PollyAmour · 25/01/2023 18:13

I wouldn't tell her but I would definitely tell him to stop with drunk texting otherwise she will be told.

WindscreenWipe · 25/01/2023 18:14

Your voting system is very confusing. Does “yes” mean “YABU” or “YANBU”?

SouthCountryGirl · 25/01/2023 18:17

She needs to block his number

Sunflower112 · 25/01/2023 18:18

Yes sorry YABU is yes she should have told her and YANBU Is no don’t tell her etc

OP posts:
FredaDrainedHerCocoaCup · 25/01/2023 18:30

SouthCountryGirl · 25/01/2023 18:17

She needs to block his number

This.
If she's blocked him she isn't keeping anything from the friend but if it was me I'd be sending him a strong threat before blocking him. "If you try and contact me again I'll be contacting police" He obviously needs telling firmly. I certainly wouldn't tell his partner at the moment.

Sunflower112 · 25/01/2023 18:32

FredaDrainedHerCocoaCup · 25/01/2023 18:30

This.
If she's blocked him she isn't keeping anything from the friend but if it was me I'd be sending him a strong threat before blocking him. "If you try and contact me again I'll be contacting police" He obviously needs telling firmly. I certainly wouldn't tell his partner at the moment.

But… what if she is in a position where we go see the friend ? For instance we may all get together at some point. It’s so awkward isn’t it. Is it wrong to see her and act normal?

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 25/01/2023 18:32

"You stupid bastard, you are risking your own child's happiness for the sake of a random shag. Grow up."

Sunflower112 · 25/01/2023 18:34

ICanHideButICantRun · 25/01/2023 18:32

"You stupid bastard, you are risking your own child's happiness for the sake of a random shag. Grow up."

my friend isn’t the kind of person to shag about… it makes me think he’s either really liked her for ages secretly. OR he’s doing it to others too.. who knows. My friend has recently split with her DH and is in process of divorce may I add.

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 25/01/2023 18:37

Can never go wrong minding your own business.

If she's so affected why doesn't she just block his number?

DuplicateUserName · 25/01/2023 18:39

I'm not going to vote because what she needs to do is tell him quite plainly and clearly, if he sends just one more message along those lines, she will be telling his girlfriend.

Why hasn't she thought of this?

Renlea · 25/01/2023 18:42

Block him, and keep it to yourself for now. This is a time in her life she can never get back x

FredaDrainedHerCocoaCup · 25/01/2023 18:42

It doesn't really matter if he thinks he's in love with your mate or is texting every other woman he's an utter shit for doing this. No I don't think it's wrong not to tell her even if you see her but your friend must block him straight away there's really no excuse for not blocking him.

Sunflower112 · 25/01/2023 18:45

BabyOnBoard90 · 25/01/2023 18:37

Can never go wrong minding your own business.

If she's so affected why doesn't she just block his number?

She can but what’s been said has been said. And it’s a friendship group it’s awkward now

OP posts:
Neveragain85 · 25/01/2023 19:14

Tell her after she's given birth, she needs to know

GoodChat · 25/01/2023 19:20

Neveragain85 · 25/01/2023 19:14

Tell her after she's given birth, she needs to know

When she's most vulnerable? Lovely.

wagamamar · 25/01/2023 19:25

No, don't tell her. But make it clear to him she will if it doesn't stop.

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