I have always struggled with my mum taking more than she gives emotionally, unfortunately this has only been worse when navigating her expectations around being a grandparent. For context, I grew up in a typical town where everyone lived close to their family, and one of my mums siblings provided near full-time childcare for their grandchildren.
I moved to London, got married, had a baby. My mum also moved to London (different story), but my in-laws lived closer, and for various practical reasons were more capable of looking after my son and helping with childcare. My mum has always been upset about not having this role, and expressed some jealousy, despite the practical limitations that made the decision obvious. My son has been in nursery/preschool for over a year now so this is no longer a current issue but still dragged up regularly.
My mum has since moved out of London. Now with baby #2 on the way, she has started talking about moving back to be closer, despite the fact her life is better where she is now. I am really struggling with needing to set her expectations about how regularly we would want her to visit, how this wouldn't increase if she moved closer, and how we can't meet her expectation/dream to provide childcare like she seems to think every grandparent does. At the moment, she visits every few weeks and stays a whole weekend. She is envisaging seeing us every week/weekend to visit (but not stay) and I just can't imagine this - it is her need, not ours, that she wants to fulfil.
I really need to do some damage limitation before she makes a big mistake trying to move, but it is really hard to manage her feelings while constantly worrying AIBU.