I will try to keep this short as possible.
My parents have been married for over 40 years. They have experienced challenges which is to be expected but the older they get, things seem worse than ever.
Although we live in close proximity, I don’t visit very often as there’s mostly an atmosphere in the house following an argument or bickering.
The difficult part is I am frequently dragged in to mediate situations, mostly by my mother. She can be very emotional and will call me at all hours following an argument with my father - either to offload or look for me to problem solve. I’m the youngest of 3 siblings (all in our 30s) - I bear the brunt of it, I think because I tend to accommodate my parents in this situation. I have also felt humiliated in the past in front of friends and in public due to their behaviour.
They both present as miserable, unhappy and often talk negatively about each other. I have suggested they divorce many a time but neither seem willing. My mother relies heavily on my dad, he deals with household/financial affairs etc. and my father appears to have resigned himself to this life as he doesn’t want to walk/give up everything he has worked for and built over the years (home, business etc). My father has very little patience or tolerance for my mother. I’ve also noticed a change in my mothers behaviour over the last few years - increased drinking, never wants to go anywhere and will blame my father for most things.
I’m not sure they [mother in particular] recognise the impact their behaviour has on us. They don’t have an outlet for their issues towards each other so instead put it on me - probably because I have entertained it for so long.
I know I need to set boundaries but this is something I struggle with when it comes to my parents. However, I’m exhausted with all the drama. I have commented in the past about being stuck in the middle but they tend to slip back into their old ways. Mother will often apologise for involving me but will do so again soon after.
It’s clear to me I’m prioritising their needs above my own to keep peace but I’m now at a stage where I’m emotionally drained by it all. I don’t wish to cut contact but I do feel like distancing myself. I also don’t want to do things with them together i.e. family arrangements / go on holiday as this can be unpredictable and because I have been left embarrassed in the past.
The thought of distancing myself makes me feel immense guilt, as though I’m responsible for their happiness. I should also mention I’m due my first baby in 1 week. My partner is adamant I should be prioritising myself right now and I know he is right.
Any suggestions welcome on how to approach. If no replies, at least it’s off my chest for now.