To wonder what it's like to have children with multiple partners?

[FuzzyPinkTaco]

I got talking to a mum at one of my children's activity groups I have met several times. We got talking about the Christmas holidays and she was saying how stressful it always is and how the logistics of planning family time around events like that are a nightmare because her husband has 4 additional children to the ones she has with him. Two sets from two different ex-wives. So he now has three sets of 2 children with three different wives now. One of his exes refuses to cooperate with him and will not do any pick up / drop offs to help the children see him so it's all on him to drive almost an hour to collect and drop them off which makes things very complicated. Obviously he does need to make the effort, but it all seemed so complicated.

And yes, obviously there are women who have multiple children with multiple men as well.

AIBU to wonder about the family dynamics of situations like this work and how it all works and effects the children? If you are a partner of someone with step children or other multiple sets of children as above do you get frustrated with not easily being able to make plans? How do you feel about it? Do you try and have a friendly relationship with the other parent of the children to make things a little smoother?

I can't relate to this situation, but am curious as to how it would work (for my own personal reasons), but am generally just curious about the whole thing.

@AxisOfEviI It's not a difference of opinion when it's stated as fact?

I'm as big a defender of free speech as the next person, and not easily offended - especially on these boards! But I found this really offensive and imagine it would upset many others.

Thankfully see it has been deleted now.

Well I can't see where it is stated as fact. Although obviously it's gone now anyway. It's clearly a strong opinion for that person. And that's ok. It doesn't really matter what they think. I say that as someone of the blended family variety. A little robust debate and disagreement doesn't actually hurt anyone.

I grew up with various siblings like this. My DM had one previous marriage before my dad and had two DCs, my DDad had a previous marriage with one DC but then (after they split) his first wife had another DC with a new DP. They both died so both my DBro and his sister came to live with us. My mum and dad had two DCs (including me). My parents also fostered a lot of DCs who obviously came and went (it was largely emergency care). When my DM passed away, my dad remarried again and she had 4 DCs from a previous marriage. Then she passed away and the only one still a child went to live with his dad.

It all gets very complicated but, when it’s your life, it’s just life. It is what it is - there are pros and cons.

@AxisOfEviI I don't want to de-rail this thread any further - agree and totally in favour of robust debate and disagreement, however the post in question was inflammatory and against the spirit of the boards - which aims to be "genuinely informative, supportive and friendly (even when we all disagree)".

I agree that there are plenty of drawbacks to a blended family, in plenty of cases. I am married to the father of my kids, and see the huge benefit in a nuclear arrangement - I had one growing up. But also have a stepchild, so can see the other side. It's worth some sensitivity, even where folk disagree - I think that's actually key to the OP's original post. If everyone involved can be a bit empathetic or sensitive, it helps massively in keeping things working well.

Just to add to my thread, a major benefit in my situation was to my sister who lost both her parents before she was even a year old. If her DM hadn’t had a child with my dad then she would’ve ended up fuck knows where and with fuck knows who. More people loving you, supporting you and caring about you is always going to better. But, as Judge Judy says “you have to find a way to love your children more than you hate each other” or it will never work - and that’s true for any family, blended or not, whether you divorce or not.

I had three children and was stepmum to two more. They are all grown now but there were some very frantic years especially at Xmas with lots of negotiations and running around. You get through it and might even miss it sometimes

The experiences are all going to vary greatly.

My eldest DC father abused me for years and when given the opportunity will still abuse me. Therefore, communication has to be kept to a minimum and I rarely see him in person otherwise DC will pick up on my fear. It takes a massive toll being the target of someone’s rage for over a decade. Typically we would make family plans on the weekends that DC was with us or highlight in advance when there was a big family event that wasn’t on our weekend. Ex of course would demand DC a couple days in advance when there was any family events on his side that happened on our weekends. I would swap if there were no other plans and he was told this multiple times. His anger towards me hasn’t dissipated in the years since we have gone our separate ways. If anything it increases the older DC get’s because DC tried to avoid seeing him.

I grew up with half siblings and I am grateful to have my sister especially. I don’t actually call them half siblings because we grew up together. My father wasn’t in picture so I assume that made life easier for my mother.