Being defined by post natal psychosis

[minorproblem]

I was very ill after my baby with post natal psychosis. I was sectioned and taken to hospital with round the clock monitoring (which confirmed my irrational paranoia and made things worse). This was 3 years ago. It lasted maybe 2 months and then somehow snapped out of it and am completely fine.
Anyway, I went to the Dr's for a completely unrelated reason (physical symptoms) and the dr kept bringing up my post natal break down.
This is going to follow me for the rest of my life isn't it? (this was my gp)

When I was 15 I was groomed and raped by a family member, then blamed and shamed despite being a virgin and he was a man.
My gran died during covid completely alone in hospital not allowed visitors.
my aunt died and I was too ill to see her on her last days.
my sister has extreme substance abuse issues, her son is now in FC and its really messy, the family is divided.
I'm already struggling to sleep because of all this and now I have the fact My Dr is acting like I'm a bomb about to go off. The difference in the way I was treated before going to hospital and after is so upsetting.

One of the main symptoms of my bad patch was flashbacks and unwanted graphic images of my children being hurt. all day, all night every day. I was extremely distressed and paranoid and fucking just done in. I'm now thinking I probably had ptsd which was spun out of control by hormones and such.
I tried to explain to the mental health Dr's after I was better that I am having flashbacks and graphic images of my children being hurt and she kept asking me if I was hearing voices or was suicidal. I asked if I could have some help with the flashbacks but nothing. Short and long, she wants me to take antipsychotics, not have therapy. I self discharged.

I'm rambling.

But this is it, I can't sleep without seeing really distressing images and there is no help.
I can't even go to the gp for an ear infection or something mundane without the worst part of my life being brought up. I spent 3 hours last night crying until I fell asleep. I keep bursting into tears today. I can't talk to anyone about it apart from my dp but he is so worried about me even he asked if I think I'm going mad again.
it's going to follow me forever isn't it?

I think in your position I would be asking to see a different GP and then writing down a summary of how you’re feeling, and how you are concerned it is untreated PTSD that has been misdiagnosed as psychosis. I think you’d benefit from someone to talk to, you’ve been through so much, it’s no wonder your brain is struggling to process it all.
I’m so sorry you have been through such a difficult time, and that you don’t feel heard by health services. It’s absolutely not good enough. I do think though that you need to try again as you deserve support to get better.

best of luck ❤️

I’m sorry you have been through all that.

The Dr though, unless you are still under a MH team, is supposed to invite you for a MH review annually for ( iirc) 5 years following recovery. The dr wasn’t judging you, just making sure you are still doing okay after such a difficult time.

If you are looking for therapy for help in dealing with anything then you can self refer for CBT in many areas now. Just Google NHS self refer for talking therapies.
Please don’t feel the Dr was judging you, it really won’t follow you around forever but it isn’t something you should feel bad about.

Have a look at YorkshirePeach on TikTok. She has talked on occasion about her postnatal psychosis and why she will never have a second child. She is very open and has educated a lot of people about this. I think she is amazing, she’s also quite funny too.

Take care of yourself

Sorry to hear about your awful experiences. Well
done on seeking help.

The GP sounds like they were attempting to do an assessment of your mental health, given that you have experienced significant difficulties in the past. You describe ongoing symptoms which require assessment, which is what they were attempting to do. Given that you have young children there is a duty of care to explore this.

Mental health services are terribly underfunded and have been for the last 10 years of this government. There isn’t money for therapy for many people. There should be and you should be entitled to it. I hope you are managing ok and things improve for you. Have you explored the option of counselling through IAPT?

PTSD and psychosis are not completely separate, flashbacks and paranoia are common symptoms of PTSD and there is an overlap with psychosis. Medication can help at times.

I would change GPs. That response is awful.

Do push to access therapy - this may be through the GP or you may be able to self refer in your area. Or privately if you're able to afford it. Or there may be charities that can help. Make sure that the therapist is trained in trauma and PTSD, as it needs specific treatment that's different from anxiety or depression.

If you're displaying symptoms of a mental health problem - which you are currently - they're right to bring it up.

I have high functioning bipolar but still get asked about it if I go in for acid reflux, arm pain etc. It's just a check.

As far as symptoms go, the diagnosis doesn't particularly matter. Take any offer of help you can get - meds, therapy etc.

I’m sorry OP, it’s awful and I know how you feel. Someone at the hospital messed up and I ended up with my file being merged/switched/mixed-up/swapped with someone else’s. There was a record on there of an attempted suicide that wasn’t me and had nothing at all to do with me. Then, I got ill and no one would take me at all seriously. I was told it was all psychological, I was imagining things, it was anxiety etc etc. Turns out, it was bowel cancer.

For some reason (let’s be honest, we know the reason), trying to diagnose everything as a mental health issue is a massive priority and once one is diagnosed, you’re pretty much written off for any help with your physical care. I only got my diagnosis after I switched GPs and put in a previous GP as my most recent GP (skipping the one who’d had the overdose on record) and I went to the GP with my symptoms and they made the appropriate referral.

I've had the same but reverse experience! Long term health problems including health anxiety and psychosomatic illness when I was younger. If I went to the GP, I sometimes got the feeling from their tone that the computer must be flashing "hypochondriac" at them.

Then I got skin cancer (melanoma). Since then, if I go to the GP and say "I've got this symptom, but it might be nothing" I'm immediately referred for batteries of tests.

It's not fair at all.

Sounds like there are two problems - the PTSD and the stigma from doctors.

Both of these could be solved by a letter from a private consultant psychiatrist who could 1. Give the PTSD diagnosis and 2. ask that you're not upset by reference to your spell in hospital or the previous diagnosis. Any mention of it and you can ask them to refer to the letter. Unfortunately it is relevant that you were in hospital so they will need to mention it sometimes. However they shouldn't be connecting to every blessed thing you present with.

It would cost you a bit of money but there are NHS registered private doctors working over zoom who could discuss your problems and also discuss what treatment you actually need.

Antipsychotics are not just for people suffering from psychosis. The name is misleading. It might be that you would benefit from a medication, don't rule it out.

You may want to explore EMDR www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/ it has very good outcomes for trauma/PTSD. There are NHS options in some health trust areas could ask your GP for a referral but if you can afford it you can also access it privately. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists?q=EMDR

I am sorry your GP wasn’t helpful and for all of your losses.

i had PND rather than PNP but equally have found GP's are obsessed with bringing up my mental health even when I , likewise, have visited them for physical illness. I personally would really push for therapeutic intervention, it's actually poor practice that they are not offering you any talking therapies (although medication can be helpful too in the right circumstances but it sounds like you don't feel they are listening to what you are saying you need help with) As my children have got older I also have found many childhood issues coming up - having worked in mental health I have also seen this in clients myself- the life stage your children are at can be a trigger for bringing up our own past experiences and i have needed talking therapies to gradually work through this. If its hard to explain your thoughts to a doctor perhaps try writing a letter?

I was sectioned for psychosis. I have had people bring it up regularly until I made a stand and said I want it on my notes I don’t want it discussed. Now I actually have to tell people. It seems the doctors only read the last couple of entries so if it’s not mentioned for a few sessions it just disappears.

The last it came up was I was going in for surgery. Told multiple people as it can be an risk factor/ issue with anaesthetic.

Still nobody realised until I was pretty much on the table and they were doing their little prep meeting and rushed back to be like errr, please tell us about this episode and are you on medication/ fine now.

The only long lasting issue I have had is I am ineligible for life insurance. So if you have current cover make sure it is maintained.

My DH had a bad go of cancer 5 years ago. It took three years of varied treatments to reach full remission. But there are longterm side effects resulting from the treatments that saved his life . He's got to live with them and manage them. The hospital, his GP and the practice nurse call him in occasionally just to make sure he's on top of them. . Sometimes they've some a really useful new suggestion. Or he's found one himself, and passes it on for their other patients to benefit. None of this is about his original illness; it's just about the

ongoing consequences from radiation and the drugs he used to take.

DH's take on their continued interest and involvement , is that he's getting 5-Star attention. It's really reassuring not just to him, but to me, to know they are still there for him.

You had a severe MH episode and you have a child.

Its perfectly reasonable for a concerned GP to enquire if you're having any follow-on effects down the line ; and in fact, you are ; you have night flashbacks that are interfering with your sleep. Parenting a 3 yr old is hard work all by itself.

That combination of flashbacks plus insomnia could trigger anxiety or depression in anyone, let alone someone who once had a fullblown psychosis.
This is not some tactless interference/nagging from your GP; you've got a careful caring DR looking out for you. Please don't dismiss their follow-up attention as an insult or lifelong burden. It's your RIGHT to have that support and interest. . Embrace it., and don't hesitate to tell and ask when you need help.

sorry but its not always a case of a GP being careful and caring...if this were the case I would have had the GP pro-actively contacting me for the follow up medication/mental health reviews that they should have been doing over the years at the time when my mental health was poor. Not turning what was meant to be a physical consultation into a mental health inquisition when my mental health was well controlled and stable but I was struggling with my physical health. Until you have been on the end of the type of attitude shown by some health professionals to those with mental health histories, you won't know what that experience is like. I have seen people in the mental health system die unnecessarily because their physical concerns and health conditions were not taken seriously. Its the making assumptions that's the problem plus the attitude that you just throw meds at people without offering the other effective interventions. (equivalent to the "oh your too young for that " attitude shown to some people who are showing red flags for cancers like cervical or bowel cancer)

I had postpartum psychosis after dc1 and a diagnosis of ptsd from an unrelated incident. Every appointment it comes up. I now avoid wherever possible. When dc2 was a baby, the HV came around with a student and sat there on the sofa and told the student all about my violent rape, the flashbacks I had on the operating table during dc1's arrival and my descent into madness. I felt absolutely shit. Still do whenever I think about it. I hate the fact that it feels like I'm disaster waiting to happen, the why aren't you medicated, the constant reminder that I'm broken and useless, that I'm probably not a fit parent in their eyes.

So far a broken bone, a steam burn and an infected blister which took 2 lots of antibiotics have all been blamed on my mental health. No I don't self harm in bizarre ways...

@Dinosauratemydaffodils i'm so, so sorry to hear about your experiences. Sometimes I wish I could curate mumsnetters experiences for use in mental health training sessions. It's under-educated HCP's who don't realise that psychosis itself can be triggered by trauma and that psychotic episodes can themselves be inherently traumatic so wading in without having the requisite skills to support the person properly can just exacerbate the trauma.