AIBU about school's response to a further incident of bullying? Advice needed!

[Ginandcolic]

Posting here for traffic as I am due to speak to the deputy head this morning.

Background: DD (in Yr6) was assaulted by girl A and girl B (same year group) two months ago. The school was great - suspension, detention, assurances this would not happen again.

Since then, there have been low level boundary pushes eg jostling up next to DD as lunch etc. Each and every time, DD has reported this to a teacher.

Yesterday, DD was pushed into a desk by girl B so hard that it has bruised her leg. When DD told her she had been hurt, girl B said she didn't care.

DD told the head teacher who got girl B to apologise (obviously not a genuine apology) and I received a phone call and follow up email outlining what had happened and that DD had received an apology.

So, my qu: as an isolated incident, I would see this as possibly an adequate response BUT as girl A and girl B have form for this and had been told explicitly to stay away from DD, I feel a half hearted apology is not enough for a second incident of deliberate violence.

Can I please get some objective opinions on if I need to calm down or if I should stick to my guns on pushing for more action? If the latter, what should I be saying / asking?

Thanks so much. I got some great advice here around the first incident so I really do appreciate any opinions

Well done Op!

probably not useful now but I always turn it back on them, use the policy’s against them etc and ask where in the policy does it state to minimise being physically attacked?

Its their job to provide your child with a safe place if they can’t do that it needs to be escalated

I am that parent which the school hate

Thanks everyone, it was definitely a team effort!!!

Oh yay! Just keep on them if need be -keep tracking everything relevant. Any other physical assault and I would go straight to the police.

If you are brave you could ask for a meeting with the parents facilitated by the head. Go with a list of incidents, dates and times. At least then you have confronted the situation from every angle.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale yes, I told the school if anything else happens, I don't want them to try to resolve the situation or even talk to DD beyond making sure she is okay as I will be calling the police. The dept head was really funny and said "Well that really is up to [Headmistress]" and I had to remind her I was free to call the police about criminal activity involving my daughter regardless of whether it happened at school or not.

@Disabrie22 this is such a tricky one. Both bullies have very absent and disengaged parents. Parents of other girls who have been attacked by them have tried to reason with them but they simply don't care or don't accept there is anything wrong with their girls' behaviour. One of them even suggested my DD kicked her own legs (???????) There are so many parents who want these girls to get whatever intervention or support they need to stop being violent bullies that part of me is tempted to ask for a mediated discussion but I also know it's not going to get us anywhere. Out of 40 kids in the year, over ten sets of parents (that I know of) have requested their kids are not in the same form as the bullies next year. I don't know at what point the school will feel it's too much hassle to keep the bullies in school (it's an oversubscribed independent school so they would have no trouble filling the spaces)

I'm currently waiting for safeguarding plans to be provided in writing covering normal school days, school trips and how the secondary school will deal with this all.

THANK YOU all so much for your support

@BodyShapeWoes I'm sorry I forgot to say I took your very helpful advice and quoted / cross referenced several policies on bullying and behavioural issues in my email capturing the key points from the discussion with the deputy head. Thank you!!

@Ginandcolic I forgot to say I also after every meeting wrote an email outlining what was discussed this then ensures you have a paper trail

Well done! It sad that you and your daughter are in this situation 😞 my dc still has some issues with friendships and interactions with other child because of how she was attacked at school

@BodyShapeWoes I'm sorry to hear your DC is still experiencing the after effects of the attack. I am really shocked at how widespread this kind of feral behaviour is and how it's assumed to be a normal part of school. One of the things I really appreciate about the support from posters like you is that it counteracts the general sense I'm getting from the school that it's just kids being kids.

I'm going heavy on admin on this and following everything up in writing. The deputy head sent call notes over after our last conversation but missed some key bits out. I don't know if this was deliberate or just because she's so busy but I have gone back with my amends and additions like a total PITA.

So it's a 4-18 school. Are you also requesting that your DD is in different classes next year? presumably as they go into senior school, classes will mix anyway higher up (GCSE options etc) - keep that in mind

Sorry for the delay in responding @PollyPut yes it is a 4-18 school. I have been assured that DD will be in a different class and the head of safeguarding and pastoral in the senior school has been informed too. Good point re GCSEs - I'll need to make sure the plan to keep them apart stays on record for the whole of senior school.

I know I am only seeing it from one perspective but I know of other parents who have also requested their kids are not in the same class as the bullies and, given the school is oversubscribed, I really don't know why they are not managing the girls out as it's the perfect opportunity not to offer them a place at the senior school (it's an independent so no obligation to).

Apparently they are very disruptive in class too.

I may be missing something that means they need special consideration but it's infuriating