To refuse a service to friends?

[MmedeGouge]

My daughter runs a small business she is fairly successful but has to work hard at it.
Over the years she has had problems with friends and family requiring her services but either are unwilling to pay or take advantage by changing the terms and conditions that she has for paying customers.
Obviously when she is providing the service for friends or family either at a reduced cost or no cost at all then she is losing money.
Reluctantly she has decided to stop allowing friends and family to use her services, unless she has free time in her schedule and offers to them voluntarily.
My Dd has just made contact after a number of years with an old school friend. She was delighted to renew this friendship but within a few days of contact being re established the friend had contacted her to book her services professionally. The implication was it would be without charge, or at a very reduced rate.
The friend was appalled by my Dd’s policy and has made it clear she wants no further contact with my Dd.
I think that true friends will understand that this is my Dd’s livelihood and respect her decision. However my Dd is very worried that people won’t understand.
What is the general opinion?

I don't think she needs to not provide services for family and friends, but should just charge them full cost.

The school friend does sound like they were only in it for a freebie though.

Being frank why does it matter what someone who wasnt going to pay for the service thinks when they are told its not free?

She’s just concerned that people don’t understand that for example if normally she charges £10 an hour, if she allows a friend to book her at £5 an hour, friends rates, then she has lost £5.
If she refuses bookings from friends and only provides the service at short notice, when she has a vacancy, then this is cost efficient.
Dd is worried that people don’t understand this and will think badly of her.

Advise her not to change her rates for anyone. If friends aren't willing to pay full rate, then her services are either average (as in, they can get it cheaper than her full rate somewhere else) or they're not decent friends. I'd go with the latter! But don't do mates rates, ever.

She needs to stay firm.
She is two separate entities.
Her the person, the friend.
Her the business.

People who want to take advantage of her are not her friends.

The old “friend” is actually just a CF who only got in touch for a discount. Your DD needs to stand her ground.

There are only two people who get a freebie from part of my business, my sister in law and my cleaner.

She needs to be firm, anyone who doesn't understand that isn't worth her time, it's her livelihood.

My DB has always had a no friends or family rule. As he says it’s his livelihood, it’s what puts food on the table for his family. He’s been slated many times for it but dosnt care, he works hard and isn’t going to loose out doing favours for everyone. We both watched our DFs business go under because he was too generous and did favours for everyone. We come from a big family so if he did it for one he’d have to do it for others which is why he has the blanket rule.

I would never expect a friend to give me a discount on their professional services. They have bills to pay too! My husband has his own business and could fill his days doing freebies and discounts for family and friends - that won't put food on our table. Very close family he wouldn't charge, but then again my mum has used him and insists on paying her way!

Fair enough of your DD given she's been taken advantage of and good riddance to the friend.
I might be upset of I had done lots for DD and then it's not reciprocated, but it doesn't sound so in the case you describe.

If she's running a professional business she needs to be firm and not worry that her 'friends' will think less of her ... she can make it clear that she offers 'reduced' rates for last minute bookings and any other booking is £x per hour or whatever. Being self employed and running your own business needs skills and assertiveness if you want to become successful.

Before I bought my house, I wanted a full survey taken. A well-trusted friend is a qualified surveyor, and I booked his services.
It never occurred to me to expect "mates rates"; I simply wanted to know the surveyor was competent and trustworthy.
As it happens, he unearthed some snags which resulted in the vendor accepting a slightly lower offer, which more than covered his fee.
If friends claim to know somebody offering a lower rate, she can simply agree that they should go for that price. The "old school friend" who mysteriously surfaced after so long was clearly trying it on. What does your daughter really think she is going to lose if this chancer fades back out of her life again?

I have a friend who runs her own business and I refuse to pay her mates rates, even though she offered. She's bloody good at what she does, and I want to not only remain friends with her, but for her business to do well, and for her to keep me on as a client.

Your DD's "friend" was trying to take the piss.

Both my partner and I run our own small companies and it would never occur to us to offer mate's rates. Asking for mate's rates is like asking your friend to give you great wads of cash. We don't cut our rates for anyone. I can think of only one acquaintance who assumed we'd do a cut-price job for her and when I realised what she was expecting I produced a contract stipulating that in return for reducing the price by £3k (which was the discount she expected) she would carry out 150 hours of free gardening work for us. She read the small print, phoned and shouted at me and I never heard from her again. These people are parasites, not friends. Friends don't expect people to subsidise them.

Your daughter isn't running a business if she's cutting her rates to keep friends happy, she's got a hobby that she makes a bit of money from. She needs to be more professional.

Do these friends and family do their jobs for free or at a reduced salary? Answer is no so they are unreasonable to ask your dd to work for free or reduced cost. She can make this clear that she works for the price set and friends and family are welcome to go elsewhere.

I run a business. My friend and family pay full price and often give me extra as they want to see my business thrive. They support me and want the business to do well so I do well

I'm kind of the opposite with friends (or even acquaintances) who run businesses - the moment they suggest me not paying or paying less, I won't use them any more, because I find it embarrassing!

There quite a different to offering a discount / freebie for a close family member or friend and a random from the past who contacts you on FB id say.

Id cut my mums hair for free - I wouldn't cut an old school friends. My husband would fix his mums boiler if it broke for free - again he wouldn't an old school friend. You need boundaries.

I don't think your daughter has to refuse her services to friends and family, she just has to refuse to offer discounts to them. Her services are her living.

When I use the services of a friend/family member it isn't with the aim to get freebie/discount - it is because I trust that person more than a stranger, trust them to provide a good service and to deal fairly with me.

I would choose my friends over another service provider to support their business and to get the job done by someone I trust to do it well. I would never expect a discount.

Any friend who doesn't understand is not a good friend.

If I were your dd I would charge friends full price but if this is awkward and easier to say no to friends then she absolutely should say no.

I have some close family and one friend who gets freebies and reduced rates. She was my Guinea pig at the start and puts loads of business my way. Everyone else, full price. I’ve had people come to me, acquaintances really, expecting lower prices. I’m just hard nosed and give them a full price quote. I’m a business not a charity and I can’t afford to make a loss on my product for someone I speak to a couple of times a year. You get used to it though.

Thank you all for the good advice.
As she had such problems with friends and family to start with she thought it was just easier to refuse all reservations from them and just offer her services when she had a last minute vacancy.
She is a kind girl and struggled to ask for full price from people she knows. There always did seem an expectation that she would offer a reduced price.
We are grateful for all the opinions offered. She probably needs to toughen up a bit!

I would never expect reduced rates from friends or family. When we booked a friend's business we paid the going rate. The service we received was exceptional and that might or might not have been because we were friends but we didn't expect anything other than what they would do for their other clients.

Anyone who would think badly of her is a disrespectful non-real friend. Her policy is correct and proper. And the world is full of cheeky f*ckers.

Is she childminding? I imagine that is a job that relatives try to take advantage of.