Phone in sick or ask for grandparent help?

[Purpleturtle45]

Just wondering general opinions on this.

If you work and your child is sick and can't go to school, do you think it's reasonable to ask a grandparent to look after them (nothing contagious or if they are very ill)?

My Mum is of the opinion the first port of call should be to miss work. I would never expect anyone to cancel plans to help out but if they are free I think it's better to ask for help than miss work. Obviously if we have to miss work then we need to miss work but surely better to avoid if possible.

Luckily my mother in law agrees with me and is super accommodating with helping out with the kids when they are ill, however always falls to her since my Mum is unwilling which I feel bad about.

Let me know your thoughts!

Depends on the kids and the grandparents. My default is to miss work any time DS3 can't go to nursery. Asked grandparents once when I had a job interview and they happened to be available, but generally speaking it's not much fun looking after sick kids and little kids, at least, want to be at home with a parent when sick.

Totally depends on how the grandparents feel.

If they are willing to- then they can.
If they generally look after the grandkids, and it’s nothing serious, then they can.

If your children are off quite a lot, then maybe it’s best not to ask all the time if the grandparents don’t normally look after them.

The grandparents (on both sides ) have always looked after mine- no other type of childcare- so have always been very accommodating (until, obviously, when covid happened! Which has changed all illness as we are never too sure and never want to infect grandparents!)

You can't "phone in sick" if you yourself are not sick. Check your HR policy carefully as this may be a disciplinary if you are found out.

Find out the policy on caring for dependants. You may have to take unpaid leave.

Where is the other parent in all this? Why can't they arrange emergency time off / childcare?

I think it depends on:

Relationship between child and grandparent - will child be settled whilst ill?

Willingness and ability of grandparent to help with ill child. Can’t force or expect help.

Urgency/flex of work of parents. Me or my husband might work evenings to catch up, for example, rather than call in help. But that’s not an option if job interview/work requires f2f/already on work trip.

Your mum isn't wrong to not want to look after an ill child. You aren't wrong to want to avoid missing work if possible.

My in laws are great if DD is ill (my parents are not yet retired so can't help anyway) and since DH and I both wfh even an hour or two of help from MIL gives us both enough time across the day to get most work things done if we split the rest of the day between us.

Yes, sorry, I worded that wrong, should have said miss work, not phone I'm sick.

Neither my job or my husband's can be done from home and have set working hours that can't be changed.

Kids are all school age and just really want to chill when not well, it's not like having a baby or toddler.

Depends on the illness. I would never expect grandparents to look after my DC if they had D&V for example, but they’ve had them at the end of a temperature type illness before. Totally their choice though.

My In Laws were always on hand to look after my 2 if they were ill.
I would always try to reschedule my work but sometimes it wasn't feasible.
Sometimes they collected from school on the odd occasion the kids were ill.
It was a comfort knowing I could just call on them to help.

If I'd used up my dependency, my DF would much rather him have DC than me lose a day or more pay. He's so very helpful and lovely ❤️

When mine were younger my parents would have them if they weren't contagious.

It's fine to ask but if you've asked several times and the answer is no then stop asking.
I'm annoyed by your header though...why would you be ringing in sick if you need to take carer's leave? Is that a mistake or are you in the habit of lying and defrauding?

My parents do a lot for/with my kids and have them often. However, unless they'd already been with the kids immediately before them getting sick, I wouldn't ask them to look after sick children. I wouldn't want to pass the illness to them.

@JudgeRudy she explained that she meant take time off work rather than call in pretending to be sick.

What is none contagious except chickenpox maybe?
After giving the grandparents an awful stomach bug once we never ask them to look after an ill child, it's just not fair when they're older and will get hit harder with illness.
It's really tough, already dreading the next illness

Thnx yes see that now. That's good

My son is still a toddler so I tend to want to stay with him when he's ill but my DPs would happily look after him if he had a cold. I wouldn't ask them if he had D&V; they happened to be looking after my niece when she caught a stomach bug and my DM picked it up and was unwell for about a week. They did their time cleaning up vomit when I was a kid!

If you don't ask them you won't know if they can help out. I am my DD's childcare, even when they are Ill, though. I wouldn't want my DD to waste days off work, or be financially disadvantaged.

I think normally it’s absolutely fine to phone your mum and ask her before deciding to miss work. She can then say no if she wants to. So that would usually be a “port of call” before telling work you couldn’t come - after discussing with the child’s other parent if they could miss work more easily than you etc

However if you mum has said “please never phone me to look after sick dc, I’m never going to do it”, then obviously you would be U to call them.

What confuses me here is the “port of call” expression - does she mean you should call work, see if it’s ok to have the day off and only phone her if they say “no, absolutely not”. Because I don’t think that will work. Work will
expect you to have exhausted all feasible options before saying you can’t come in due to childcare problems. You can’t phone them up not having had those discussions first if they are a possibility.

How often do the child's father, your dad and father in law take a turn to provide emergency childcare?

I'd be devastated if my daughter didn't ask me to mind my grandson when he was ill if she needed to go to work. Fighting fit or poorly I cherish every opportunity to spend time with him.

My mil was great when the older grandkids were small and poorly, sils could always phone her and she’d willingly take any of her grandchildren in and provide them with an indulgent day of sofa time, cuddles, hot ribena and hula hoops. She was newly into early retirement and fighting fit. 20 years later she’s pushing 80 and slightly less fighting fit, she’s still a wonderful granny and I know that she’d still offer to help but I wouldn’t call her now because I wouldn’t want to pass on anything to her or fil. They’re a bit more frail now, and post Covid their immune systems have taken quite a hammering. It really knocked her off her feet, I knew it was serious when I called round there one day after Christmas and she was sitting on the sofa in the afternoon with the telly on and a blanket over her - never seen her watch tv in the day EVER and certainly not under a blanket (unlike me who does this every opportunity I get 😂).
I wouldn’t call her but I know she’d still offer to help.
as would my mum to be fair but she’s still working (albeit from home) and disabled so although my youngest is 11 and quite capable of getting himself to the toilet etc it’s still not a position I’d want to put her in.

Depends on the illness. Pre-pandemic my Dad was my go to person. He got that ill and died during the pandemic, there's not a chance I'd now put sick kids on anyone as its a huge responsibility if they make the older people sick and they don't handle it as well as the kids. (This is not why my Dad died, but it opened my eyes to not putting sick kids on anyone apart from me and my DH....they are our responsibility).