To tell DD to figure out how to make friends herself

[boomboomflyaway]

DD 13, has texted me to help her with this situation. Sorry if it’s an essay

So dd is in Y8 at the moment at a independent school. This year an old friend of hers (lets call her Louise) joined this school in Y9. She also has a sister in Y8.

Dd is asking how to be friends with her and her sister as they are not in the same year. She last had a proper conversation with Louise last term, about how she and her sister are settling in.

Dd says she doesn’t want to take away her other friends but still wants to be friends with her. She goes into her form room everyday, but says Lottie’s talking doesnt want to interrupt.

I never asked my mum these kind of things when i was 13. I know things have changed but AIBU to tell her to start a conversation herself?

This is such an odd post. The replies from OP are odd too. Something just doesn't hang together here.

Goodness. My teen girl is older than yours. Several nights a week she comes to my room and sits on my bed chatting about stuff and asking advice. About everything. Small and big.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to turn her away. It is a bonding thing and an advice thing. I don’t tell her what to do but we go through options. I will carry on doing this for as long as she wants.

Yes the whole thing is quite strange.

Louise? Lottie?

This hasn't been written by AI has it??

You sound disengaged from being a parent to your child. What you've written sounds odd to me, and if this a real scenario, I feel sorry for your daughter. Maybe she has withdrawn from you because of how you are to her.

Surely then you should be jumping on this chance to support DD and reconnect? I can't imagine ever wanting to dismiss my DD like this. The divorce is not your DDs fault, the lack of communication isn't DDs fault, she's a child, you're an adult so act like one and reach out to your child.

Are you her father? Or her mother?

Your replies are weird either way.

Agree!

Tell her when she sees the girl she wants to be friends with aalkimg by herself, just go up to her and say hi, and ask her how she is.

What can also be helpful is to guide her to understand body language so she can see if someone becomes more closed off when she speaks to them etc, but she can start by just saying hi

There's a few weird threads lately that sound like they've been written by ai.

Good lord, most parents would be thrilled to be asked for advice by their teenagers. The comment about feeling she’s “not yours” is sad. Don’t push her away now, she may never really trust you again.

this post is so weird. Who are Louise and Lottie? Has MNHQ seen this

And yet she's approached you for advice.

Try to be the parent she's looking for here and you might find your relationship gets better

If your child is coming to you for help, I think it's sensible to help. There's a massive gap between throwing them to the wolves and spoon-feeding them and a lot of parents tend to do either or.

You can still help her by guiding ans equipping her with the tools she nerds in this situation, without taking the actual steps yourself.

So what if your parents didn't help you or you didn't ask? Not the best stance to take with your own child. She's not you.

Sorry but I think you need to explain a bit better bc im confused 😐

This.

This changes things imo. I was in the minority and going to say YANBU. By all means give her a steer, but children need to learn to navigate relationships themselves. She isn't in distress and it's good for her to work it out with her friends.

However, if your relationship is breaking down that is the bigger issue. She has reached out to you and you should use it as a means to build bridges. She very much is yours and you must not let any feelings about your divorce get in the way of that.

Sorry for asking but what's AI? Agree strange post.

Leil lowndes - 'How to talk to anyone' and ' How to make anyone fall in love with you ' Bought them for my DS at that age and he soon had friends coming out of his ears! The falling in love one isn't really about falling in love, more about making people like you. Lots of easy read tips that are so useful.

Huh? This is your child, she's only 13 and asking you for some advice. Be a parent ffs.

Based on your post and the fact that you don’t seem to want to offer her any words of encouragement or support with a friendship issue I’m not surprised she barely speaks to you!

I can’t think of any reasonable excuse as to why you wouldn’t to help her when’s she has specifically asked. You come across incredibly cold.

You sound like an awful parent.

Your poor DD. I hope she has a decent other parent.