My brother has BPD. We’ve been low contact for a number of years. Mainly for my own self preservation. He has never met my children because he is unpredictable and flaky and I never know which version of him I will get.
My experience is partly him, partly his BPD. I couldn’t say all people with BPD are the same - they are not carbon copies of each other. So this is just very much my experience with him.
I grew up being his whipping boy. I adored him - still do, to be honest - but as teens he could be cruel. He took all his problems out on me. He physically attacked me at times and was never there when I needed him. He was also kind, funny, charming. Has that X factor about him. All the times he let me down, I would forgive him in an instant. He’s incredibly popular and was always part of the cool crowd, wherever he went.
He is incredibly smart but periodically destroys his life. I don’t want to get into the details because it feels disloyal but I am talking epic, grand scale burn everything to the ground phases. People involved with him during those times would be caught up in all the damage. He would build his life back up and do amazing things and achieve brilliance….only to burn it all down again.
He talks about terrible things he’s done (he hasn’t) and the terrible things that have happened to him (they haven’t). He has attempted suicide numerous times. He is a serial monogamist moving from one replica to the next - always says they are the love of his life, always cheats on them with the next identical woman, gets engaged, cheats, moves on. He makes things up, lies, is hurtful and unkind. Or he’s charming and kind and funny and will do anything for you - but none of it comes to fruition.
It’s complex and I love him and he’s broken my heart a thousand times. I wish I could help him but I can’t. I wish I could take it away from him and I wish it wasn’t him that had it. It feels very unfair and very arbitrary that he has it and I don’t.
I don’t know if that helps. It’s an honest account as I can give.