I think i might be...

[naturalblonde]

My bf is getting married in September, found out I'm pg, due 3 weeks after wedding. I was meant to be bridesmaid, but don't think she wants me to do it now, her made a comment about how at least i won't need a dress now, she (bf) still hasn't said anything to me.

When I told her I was pg, I said if she didn't want me as bridesmaid then that was fine, but now I think if the situation was reeversed, I'd still want her to be bridesmaid.

AIBU to be a bit upset by this? I think I might be.

i wuld be upset too

my friend had her (pg) sister as her bridesmaid. sister was about 7 mths pg iirc

she looked gorgeous

A tiny bit u as tmmj says.

From her point of view you could go into labour early and not be available at the last minute.

I'd be upset too, but maybe she thought you wouldn't want to be?

Also it is ehr wedding, so it's her choice, you can get lovely clotehs for PG peopel thoguh, a girl on my antenatal thread got married a few weeks ago in a gorgeous dress from crave.

My sister was my bridesmaid at 7 months pregnant. She says I made her do it and I was evil because she lookes like the sugar plum fairy in her maternity bridesmaid dress.

Maybe you should just tell her you would still like to be bridesmaid? She presumed you didn't and you went along with her presumption but she might be just as happy to still have you!

Well - from a practical point it would/could be difficult - w. dress fittings etc. Also, you will be v.v. pregnant and may feel differently when you get that far. And you did say that you didn't mind not being..

A little bit U maybe?

It is apparently good luck to have a preggers bridesmaid. i was one at 6 months pregnant- looked like a sack of poo but had a great time. They just bought me a huge dress and we were all having them altered anyway so I don't think I added to the difficulties. I did think she wouldn't want me so offered to step down but it was her who told me about the preggeres bridesmaid being good luck and she said she stil wanted me to do it. Felt very frumpy but I did most days anyway.

like buda says

hiya - you did say that when you told her you were pregnant you would 'stand down 'as bridesmaid' if she wanted - so you gave her the perfect get out clause unfortunately. I imagine if you now told her how you felt, she'd remind you of this... Maybe she's worried that there'll be frowns from the congregation - or is being pressured by her Mum ? Some oldies are funny about things for absolutely no reason ! I was bmaid to one of my mates at 5 months preg. It didn't occur to me to offer to withdraw my services - in hindsight, I hope she was OK about that .

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I think you are entitled to be miffed. She has made assumptions about the fact that being pregnant means you can't be a bridesmaid. Does she want you to be and assumes you don't or doesn't want you to be and hasn't got the courtesy of telling you?

lol @ tmmj

I think it would be nicer of you to stand down as you will be only 3 weeks off your due date when the wedding happens. So she will have at the back of her mind the additonal-stress possibility of you either having your baby just before the wedding and not being able to do the bridesmaid thing, feeling too unwell and tired in late pregnancy to do the bridesmaid thing, or your waters breaking all over the floor just as she says 'I do'.

THis is not to say that I don;t think PG women should be bridesmaids, just that I think that taking on any kind of major commitment less than a month before your due date is a bad idea because the chances are that you won't be able to make the date.

tmmj! WHERE did you find that photo???

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I agree with noughty. When I got married the vicar asked beforehand if we knew anyone pregnant to be a bridemaid(we didnt) as it brings good luck and children apparently

Fabulous? Depends on your definition of the word!!! It's certainly different!

I've been thinking about this - my sister has asked me to be her bridesmaid in December. Me and DP are planning to TTC this year so there is the possibility that I could be pregnant. I don't know whether to tell my sister about it or not - obviously there is the possibility that I won't conceive by then so there would be no need to tell her. But she's started talking about looking for bridesmaid dresses quite soon so I was wondering whether they'll need to know that the dress may (or may not!) need to be made quite a bit bigger.

In answer to OP, I can see why you're upset if she doesn't want you to be a bridemaid, but I'd speak to her about it first, if she hasn't actually told you in person it might just be a misunderstanding on the part of her DP.

if my friend said to me 'im pg, so i wont need a bridesmaid dress' i would assume she did not want to be a bridesmaid. it would not occur to me to ask someone to not be a bridesmaid because they were pg. i think you need to ring her and clarify what you meant and then ask her if she still wants you. you might be both sitting at home upset because you both have the wrong end of the stick. if you are close enough to be her bridesmaid you are close enough to ask surely?

At almost 9 months pregnant it is kind of you to stand down if that is what she wishes - I would check with her to clarify though.

I think it is nice to be sure the focus is on the bride and not the state/size of the bridesmaids! Let alone the contingency planning needed for if you are unwell etc. - at that stage of pregnancy you need to take care of yourself and baby and sit down a bit more (based on my own experience).

I guess whether YABU depends a little on the closeness of friendship - a few people have mentioned their sisters etc being bridesmaids and maybe that closeness overrides other factors.

what if you are early with the baby? forced my two sisters into being bridesmaids for me, i had to for them, both were breast feeding with huge knockers,expressing all day, one looked a right sight on photos, she wont look at them. could be a bit of a hoo ha for you.