Don’t become the expert in the baby

[Endlesssummer2022]

I like this article and agree with her mum. Although I’m jealous over how much support she had at the beginning!

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jan/24/mum-watched-me-correct-my-husband-then-sagely-warned-me-dont-become-the-expert-in-the-baby

I've just read this! Interesting read.

I followed that with my last dc. It actually works.

I love this. I always ask dads to dress their new born and they always ask for help. I usually say no and say just dress them as your dress yourself.

You*

It can be hard when you're in "mother bear" mode after giving birth and you think DH isn't doing it the right way or the baby is getting upset.
But the advice is right, no question.

Oh so glad someone linked this. So many young mothers want to be the most perfect text book mum, forgetting that children also need that clumsy, dopey, loving dad who doesn’t always do things the same way.

My DH was hands on from the minute he cut the cord in the delivery room - he was as much a parent as me even though he worked f/t and I was a SAHM (he even did the nights) and he’s been (and continues to be) the most brilliant dad to our now young adults. They all have a beautiful individual relationship with him.

I also really liked this article. Great advice

My mum (who worked full time and did everything at home) always told me not to be too capable. Because it backfires and you end up doing everything.

I agree with the sentiment but she lost me at 'birthing parent'

It is right & I wish I'd followed it more. DH was brilliant with the kids but when they got a bit older it was very much me who knew where they needed to be & when. If I was away I had to leave lists.

Well yeah, the one that gives birth. If two mums then the mum who's birthed is going to need time to recover.

absolutely spot on. I did bite my tongue and walk away, I figured he was a parent too and I can’t be around all the time. I knew a woman who would plan her partners days with the kids in such detail if she was away, lay out clothes, cooked meals labelled in the freezer to bung in the oven, days out booked, instructions written, I mean sod that!

I loved this! Thank you for linking it! My wife (same sex couple) is so much more confident with our daughter (adopted so a different situation) and it's taking me time to realise that it's ok for me to have a different way of doing things. Rather than defer to her for everything.

I do agree with this to a point but yet again it's the mother / woman's responsibility to manage her partner...

exactly.

Bugger...makes a lot of sense. 18 years too late unfortunately 😂

I agree with the sentiment but she lost me at 'birthing parent'

^ me too. But it is the Guardian after all so they wouldn't want to put out the other parent who has a penis but doesn't want to acknowledge it anymore. It's pretty obvious which "mother" needs to recover.

I didn’t read it like that at all. It was about keen eager beaver mums stepping back a bit and allowing the other parent to bond and make their own mistakes.

I don’t really agree. I think will a small baby the mother has certain instincts which should be prized and respected. But certainly as the baby gets older the father has to be allowed to parent in his own way.