To not go

[Newmumfeb22]

I let my partner know I was going out with some friends this Saturday night a month ago. DD is 11 mo. I have just gone back to work so we are still adjusting to our new routine. I rarely ever go out on my own the last time was actually May 22 - I’m not the type to really go out and prefer doing things with family - I see friends in the week with my DD all of them have kids - he goes out / away for 1/2 nights frequently for golf, football, stag dos etc.

anyway he said to me last week he is going to a football match that day and said I never told him.. he hadn't booked tickets at that point but proceeded to book the tickets and said he will be back or will arrange a sitter to come so I can go out.

I have said I’m not going because a) he will be drinking so that means I can’t let my hair down
b) I will have worked Friday night and he plans on going at 11am so I will only be able to sleep after my 12.5 shift a few hours and then look after our daughter and will be too tired to go.
c) she is still adjusting to nursery and to have someone sit her who she barely sees I’m not comfortable with - it’s not fair on her.
d) it’s the principle

I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t go on on principle?
Surely the principle is he misses the football since it was your night out that was arranged first?

Don’t really see the issue when he’ll be back to look after her and/or hire a babysitter so you can still go

He is being a selfish twat, I would be furious

He's a twat, but it seems you are biting of your nose to spite your face. Could you stay at a family member's house who could look after her while you are out.

My ex used to do this sort of thing a lot...
Note the word ex!

Don't martyr yourself!
You had this booked first, the fact he hadn't booked his tickets and then decided too after you had told him, shows how little respect he has for you.
Tell him to sort the childcare both in the morning so you don't have to get up early and in the evening so you can have your night out!

Or her father could stay at home as OP booked to go out first ?

Stop being a Martyr.
Tell him you are going out and he is staying in to look after his own child, as planned ages ago.
That you haven't been out since May 2022.

I think he knew you wouldn't go out if he was also going out so he slyly said he would be back or book a babysitter.

I'd call his bluff and go out.

Well yes, but he's clearly not intending to is he? I am making the suggestion so OP doesn't miss out.

But what you are showing him, by your actions, is that it is okay for him to ride roughshod over your arrangements.

If you are working nights, I would be very tempted to go to sleep somewhere else for the day, so he realises at 11am that he can't just walk out. It comes as part of being a parent - communicating with the other parents and working out arrangements between you.

The other simple thing to save any confusion re dates in future is to set up a joint calendar on your phone so there is no opportunity to forget.