Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Oven issue, DH issue.

15 replies

waiyuh · 23/01/2023 16:04

I came home to find DH pulled the oven out to put a new worktop in. Great. Only been waiting a year so was quite surprised to see it like that . Anyway, he noticed that the oven's wiring housing was cracked and decided to replace it. He bought an isolator switch instead of the one that's just a faceplate, and he connected it up. He said about pushing the oven back into place and I said "shall I just try first to see if the ovens are working?" Thinking that if they weren't, he would have to pull it back out and work on it again and he'd be annoyed he hadn't checked first. He said no, don't check. I said "it's only because if they don't work, you don't have to pull it back out again to find the problem." He said "I can sort that out later if it's a problem." I just must have had a look on my face that said I couldn't fathom his reasoning, because he said "fine, whatever. Check them!" I did.

They don't work. I told him as much. He straight away checked the ignition for the gas hob and said "it does work. It's fine." I said "but the ovens. The electric ovens. They don't work. None of them do." He then unleashed an absolute barrage at me about how I've taken over, I've thrown him off completely, he won't do a single thing now until I tell him what I want doing because I need to control everything and now he has to think about me saying "you've broken my fucking ovens."

I didn't say that. At all. I said "they don't work."
I reminded him I didn't say that and he said I implied it by pointing out they didn't work. I asked him why he was being so horrid to me, and he said he wasn't, then said "leave me alone!! Or I won't do anything!!"

Aibu to check the ovens that I need to use in less than an hour, say they're not working and then point out that I didn't say my husband had broken them?

OP posts:
Glorianna · 23/01/2023 16:07

YANBU. He sounds like a butt hurt idiot who is shame-faced because he can’t bear to be wrong and for you to be right.

Does he always have to be right?

MangoBiscuit · 23/01/2023 16:11

Is he usually an arse? I can kind of understand feeling frustrated if you've done a difficult job and it feels like someone else has come in and just pointed out problems. (Very sensible to point them out, but I can imagine an emotional reaction all the same) If this behaviour is totally out of the blue, I'd just chat to him later when he's calmed down. And he can apologise for having a tantrum at you, and hopefully buy you all a takeaway.

If he often acts like this, then he's a fucking dickhead.

Couldyounot · 23/01/2023 16:15

So he's messed around with (and by the sound of it cocked up) a 30-odd amp circuit but you're the unreasonable one. Right.

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:17

Oh OP

what a long and detailed Op for essentially a little disagreement between a couple. And you want anonymous posters to tell you that you’re right and he’s wrong.

I have not idea. But ok - you’re right and he’s wrong

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:19

You know you’re not unreasonable

are you planning on waving this thread under his nose to “prove” to him that he is?

crosspusscrossstitcher · 23/01/2023 16:20

Get yourself a take away.
He can have a sandwich.

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 23/01/2023 16:24

@waiyuh Id put money on him knowing they weren't going to work! He's fucked it up & didn't want you to know (make ego). I bet he hoped dinner was going to be made on the gas hob & could try to fix the ovens before you noticed!

mrsm43s · 23/01/2023 16:28

But he was doing a job, that presumably you can't do (otherwise I assume you'd have done it yourself ages ago). So why the need to interfere and micromanage him?

I bloody hate it when my DH sticks his nose in when I'm doing something. Either do it yourself, or keep your nose out.

waiyuh · 23/01/2023 16:28

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:19

You know you’re not unreasonable

are you planning on waving this thread under his nose to “prove” to him that he is?

🙄 What sort of help would that be?

It was because he was SO adamant that I had caused a problem and fucked everything up that I posted here. To find out if I had been unreasonable. From anonymous people who probably would like some context to the question they're being asked.

OP posts:
waiyuh · 23/01/2023 16:31

mrsm43s · 23/01/2023 16:28

But he was doing a job, that presumably you can't do (otherwise I assume you'd have done it yourself ages ago). So why the need to interfere and micromanage him?

I bloody hate it when my DH sticks his nose in when I'm doing something. Either do it yourself, or keep your nose out.

Presumably he can't do it either, but he won't pay someone else to. He also had the last week off work to do this, but he chose to do it less than an hour before I have to make dinner for five and bugger around with the oven WHICH WAS WORKING FINE!! Now he's out there spitting obscenities at the oven.

OP posts:
Shodan · 23/01/2023 16:34

He's a twat.

Any normal person would've checked the whole thing was working before shoving the cooker back into position.

As for "leave me alone! Or I won't do anything!" Well that's just petulant. How unattractive.

I wonder if he would have blamed you for breaking his 'fix' if you hadn't said anything then, but did later when you tried to cook dinner?

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:35

Op I was on your last just a few days ago thread about your DH saying offensive comments to you and how sad you were about it.

Clearly the context is an unhappy marriage ?

waiyuh · 23/01/2023 16:38

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:35

Op I was on your last just a few days ago thread about your DH saying offensive comments to you and how sad you were about it.

Clearly the context is an unhappy marriage ?

No. As I said on that thread, it's very out of character for him. This is out of character- hence me asking for opinions. If it was normal for him and for us I wouldn't need to ask. It would be par for the course.

OP posts:
Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:40

waiyuh · 23/01/2023 16:38

No. As I said on that thread, it's very out of character for him. This is out of character- hence me asking for opinions. If it was normal for him and for us I wouldn't need to ask. It would be par for the course.

So name calling you last week is out of character

and now this incident is also out of character

would indicate that something is definitely up his end

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 16:41

If something up with him, which it does rather point to, whether work stress, OW, financial difficulties etc… then mumsnet is not going to help other than speculate.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page