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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel betrayed by a work colleague

34 replies

NeverendingStory32 · 23/01/2023 10:08

I've been at my place of work in the public sector for over 10 years. I was called into senior management recently. Before getting the message to see them, I wasn't told why. Various things were discussed, some things I understand their reasoning (e.g. getting in a bit earlier). I agree with them, I do need to. However various other things were said to me that were quite picky, unfair and not my fault. The only way management would have been aware about these things would have been through a colleague. I think I know who but not 100% sure. Why could this person not have come to me directly? It feels like someone has gone behind my back to get me in trouble. As I said, I get the time thing but actually there's a bit more going on.

I've got all sorts of personal problems at the moment. I've not been well, the last few months have been particularly hard. One of my dcs was in hospital recently. We're also trying to adapt to neurodiversity diagnoses made recently in the family. There's more than one of us!

I've told someone in management about these things so they're aware. However if the colleague who has gone behind my back, had come to me first, I could have explained these things. Particularly as some of the things I was talked to about were minor. Now, I've basically had a telling off from the top and it's increased my stress levels. I feel uncomfortable at work now, like I'm being watched by others. Like I'm not good enough to be there. It's horrible. I'm now worrying that they'll get rid of me at some point if I'm not up to scratch. Everyone is nice to your face but there's obviously more going on beneath the surface.

AIBU to feel betrayed?

OP posts:
StepAwayFromGoogling · 23/01/2023 11:38

OP, I think you need to give us more details and try to generalise them as much as you can so we can comment. It's impossible to say otherwise.

Back2Back2t · 23/01/2023 11:43

Like another poster said, How did the colleague in question notice ALL OF THAT in just one shift? It must have been pretty bad.

In my experience top management don't just pull people for meetings for petty/minor things. It must have been substantial enough for you to even be pulled in.

Did they mention anything about the quality of your work?

PolarBeear · 23/01/2023 11:49

I bet money it's an AET or other large trust school. Contact your rep and get out.

SausageinaBun · 23/01/2023 11:52

You sound like a teacher. Are they building a case to get rid of you and replace you with a less experienced and cheaper teacher?

Mariposista · 23/01/2023 11:58

ChampagneCommunist · 23/01/2023 10:56

With respect, your family issues, diagnoses and similar are not your colleagues problems.

If your issues are impacting your ability to work and that them impacts your colleagues, that is their problem.

Sounds like this has been dealt with well by your management

110% this

KatherineJaneway · 23/01/2023 12:12

It is hard to advise as you are not saying what the issues are. If the personal issues you have are impacting your work then it is right for colleagues to raise them with management if they are affected.

I'd be very wary of trying to pick out who has given this feedback, it could be more than one person and not the colleague you think it is at all.

Swimmingpoolsally · 23/01/2023 12:16

Very difficult as you seem to be unwilling to discuss the performance issues, instead are behaving immaturely and acting like someone told on you. Quite frankly if the meeting happened so quickly it’s unlikely to be that person you think it is. As it will have been being discussed for a few days, if not longer before hand.

you are not a child. You didn’t get into trouble. It wasn’t about someone telling om you, it was a meeting to,discuss your performance, so focus on the issues raised and how to improve and stop being immature.

IncompleteSenten · 23/01/2023 12:16

It's not appropriate for a colleague to come to you to tell you all the things they think you are doing wrong.

That's your manager's job.

Other staff members report concerns to the manager. The manager deals with them.

It could be argued it would be unprofessional to go to you with a list of complaints.

purplecorkheart · 23/01/2023 12:17

It is very hard to advise given you aren't really giving us some basic information. One thing I would say is it is highly unlikely that the meeting would be arranged in 24hours so I would not be blaming your colleague. Unfortunately your personal issues are not your workplaces problems and the issues that you see as small and petty may be a big deal to someone else.

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