To wish people would be more truthful?

[StrawberryCardigan]

Tried to arrange a meet up of three people and it became obvious one wasn’t that interested and was giving vague answers even when asked directly what day would suit you.

Now if you don’t want to meet up then don’t. But I think if someone is putting effort in to asking you then to be vague is rude and I feel a bit hurt. Id rather she say she’s not interested in meeting up then at least I’d know to not ask her again.

I agree, but there's been threads by posters who describe themselves as people pleasers, who can't say no outright and don't seem to realise how rude they are actually being.

With you OP
Both on the situation and the title more generally.

Arranging meeting up is so annoying. I have decided unless someone comes to me with a specific date/time to kick off arranging I am not doing it anymore.

The other day my friend said ‘I would love to meet up one evening’. I replied ‘Friday?’She deflected by sending me a picture of her dog with a comment about him being so cute and didn’t even say yes or no to Friday (because it was a no).

If you felt she was making excuses why did you ask again?
British people try to be polite and drop hints. It's a code but it can be misinterpreted. The alternative of blunt truths is an option but it isn't one that suits the majority of people.

You : did I tell you about my job interview this Friday
Me: No you didnt, but i'm not really interested

You: does this dress look OK
Me: well I wouldn't wear it either our belly but it doesnt seem any worse than your others

You: we must have s proper catch up. Are you free Friday
Me: probably not, not sure yet
You: OK, what about the one after that
Me: ill tell you what, if nothing better turns up I'll ring you on the day if I can be bothered.

Kinda awkward isn't it

Judge a friend would be interested in the job interview

dress example - one for a lie, sure

Friday - just say, not ready to put stuff in diary atm. Sorted.

Wouldn’t it be more rude and hurtful to tell you they don’t want to meet up with you?

I do understand that if she were honest you’d know where you stand, but I’m not really convinced by people who say they’d rather be told the truth. I think they’d be very miffed if someone really came out and said “no thanks, I don’t like you” or whatever.

I suggested a weekend (either day) in March. I just got a no I’m busy then.

Ok no problem, what day suits you?

I don’t know, I’ll have to check my calendar.

Of course, I get it. Let us know.

Radio silence.

When she could have just said, thank you for asking, I do appreciate it but I’m just not interested in meeting up,

It would be unlikely we’d bump into each other so. Also because what she actually did made me feel shit, so people pleasing doesn’t work for anyone involved.

I think she has told you she doesn't want to meet up by being so vague. Sometimes it's good to read in between the lines (which it sounds like you have done). Although she may genuinely be unable to commit to something at the moment for whatever reaso.

Yes it would hurt. But it hurt either way.

At least I’d know the truth and I wouldn’t ask her again.

You : did I tell you about my job interview this Friday
Me: No you didnt, but i'm not really interested

😂

Being vague is their way of saying they are not interested, and minimising any hurt you might feel. You would surely feel worse if they outright said that they didn't want to meet.

I do think people need to be more truthful but it still needs to be diplomatic.

I've learnt recently to stop making up excuses though.

If someone asks if I can do something, which I don't want to do, I used to respond with a fib and something like "oh I'm sorry but I've made arrangements to meet for dinner and I can't get out of it".

I've now learnt just to not give a particular reason and just say that I can't do it!

Unfortunately this is just how people behave and you can't change it. If people actually want to meet up and see you, they will make the effort to arrange something. If you get vague responses or excuses, that's essentially a no. Don't waste any more time or effort on them. Do try not to take it personally - there are lots of reasons why someone might be genuinely too busy or exhausted to be able to meet. If you don't get a positive response to your suggestion, leave the ball in their court and move on with your life.

I have a friend who regularly suggests meeting and then finds she can't actually give me a slot in her oh-so-busy calendar. It used to annoy me dreadfully. Now I just wait for her to come up with a day and time, and if I'm free, we meet, otherwise we don't. We have the sort of friendship where we can pick up where we left off, even if it has been months since we met. Works for us.