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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m not that bad?!

22 replies

singlefish · 22/01/2023 22:28

An online dating one.

New Years resolution was to get back on dating scene following recent separation, and my ego has really taken a kicking!

I’m mid-40’s and would say I’m very attractive (don’t flame me- just trying to be honest!). I‘m the same weight I’ve always been, have good haircut and dress well.

there were a few attractive guys on there (similar age), but zero interest from them…am only getting approached by weirdos with fuzzy selfies and bad chat.

Is it me? Does my age make a difference here?

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 22/01/2023 22:33

What’s your profile like and what are your photos like? Get a friend you trust (preferably male) to give their opinion on it and make suggestions. I know several fabulous women who initially had no attention on OLD because their photos were poorly chosen. Also make sure you’re on the right sites got your demographic wherever you live (as it varies widely).

You won’t get as much attention as a 20 year old, as that’s the nature of OLD. But an attractive woman in her 40’s should do quite well.

Original poster
singlefish · 22/01/2023 23:01

Thanks for the encouragement. I think my profile is ok, but haven’t put much thought into it if I’m honest.

I’m not a massive social media person, so don’t think I have lots of great pictures to choose from. I have kids so they are either in my snaps with me or I’m the one taking pictures!

should probably pay more attention to that.

OP posts:
FUEWC · 22/01/2023 23:03

Go on ITV!!! They’re looking for people to go in the middle aged version of Love Island!

RobertaFirmino · 22/01/2023 23:07

I've never actually tried it but OLD does seem like an absolute cesspit. Do you read the Guardian on Saturdays at all? They do a 'Blind Date' feature which you might consider? Having said that, you would almost certainly be paired up with a Guardian reader and that might be the complete opposite of what you're looking for.

Original poster
singlefish · 22/01/2023 23:30

FUEWC · 22/01/2023 23:03

Go on ITV!!! They’re looking for people to go in the middle aged version of Love Island!

😂 would definitely be an experience!

OP posts:
Original poster
singlefish · 22/01/2023 23:31

RobertaFirmino · 22/01/2023 23:07

I've never actually tried it but OLD does seem like an absolute cesspit. Do you read the Guardian on Saturdays at all? They do a 'Blind Date' feature which you might consider? Having said that, you would almost certainly be paired up with a Guardian reader and that might be the complete opposite of what you're looking for.

Guardian readers not the worst that’s out there after spending time OLD!

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 22/01/2023 23:32

Are you sure you're on the right apps/sites for the sort of person you're looking for?

TheBigWangTheory · 22/01/2023 23:33

The men your age don't want women your age. They want women ten years younger. At mid 40s you'll get more interest from men well into their 50's.

Sad, but true.

JudgeRudy · 23/01/2023 00:20

So you're saying you've had lots of attention but from men you're not interested in. You viewing the good looking ones as more desirable but had no response. 2nd time round men will generally chosen youngercwomrn than the the one they were married to so you'll probably get attention from over 50s. That coupled with your kids could be influencing too. Anyone that 'takes you on' will unlikely get a child/family from you but you'll still have yours.
Has your profile focused too much on what you require and not much on what you can offer other than a pretty face?

Ponoka7 · 23/01/2023 00:28

For OLD you are at an awkward age tbh. As said men in their 40's on there, generally don't want to date women in their 40's. It's a shame that you can't get out with friends etc.

Abcde19 · 23/01/2023 00:39

Agree with previous posters. I’m sure you’re lovely but men in their 40s are looking for women in their 30s. If they want kids they need to date younger. And if they don’t want kids they need to either date younger or date a woman in her 40s whose kids are grown up. You won’t get many takers for a woman who has young kids but can’t have any more.

OfcourseSpringRoll · 23/01/2023 00:40

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder as is dress sense and haircuts. I even think asking friends doesn’t mean much as women are just too nice about stuff.

loupielou1 · 23/01/2023 00:44

Dating sites aren't the best tbh OP. Unless you are after a quick leg over or someone to pretend they are more than they out to be you're better off going the old fashioned route... or better still - stay single! Im only in my 30s OP and I've decided that life's better single with a vibrator lol!

IreneJones · 23/01/2023 01:15

They're not all weirdos and not all after 20 year olds! My lovely brother has just started trying OLD for the first time. He's not after a quick shag and wants a genuine relationship! He's mid-forties and isn't interested in younger women, would prefer his age or slightly older as he's finding the younger ones are talking about wanting babies which he's not interested in! Persevere OP and hope it works out for you.

mackthepony · 23/01/2023 02:13

Quite depressing really

loupielou1 · 23/01/2023 02:19

@singlefish ignore @mackthepony clearly is just a weird one themselves liking my little ponies? But maybe I got that wrong with the username hhhmmm. But I don't actually judge people on what they like or dislike etc...but when someone has such a username (who would t like to be judged themselves by others) judges someone else... that's when my claws come out!? To not judge or you too will be judged

Original poster
singlefish · 23/01/2023 19:50

Thanks all. I think I am definitely niche! As pp’s have already pointed out, I’m too old to have kids, but too young to go for an old fart.

Think it leaves a much smaller pool of guys to start with.

Am hoping there’s someone out there who fits the bill…I only need one I suppose!

just so depressing- I know so many great single women. There’s not the same calibre of blokes.

OP posts:
Original poster
singlefish · 23/01/2023 19:51

@IreneJones ypur brother isn’t in the London area is he? 😂

OP posts:
histrel · 15/02/2023 18:38

singlefish · 23/01/2023 19:50

Thanks all. I think I am definitely niche! As pp’s have already pointed out, I’m too old to have kids, but too young to go for an old fart.

Think it leaves a much smaller pool of guys to start with.

Am hoping there’s someone out there who fits the bill…I only need one I suppose!

just so depressing- I know so many great single women. There’s not the same calibre of blokes.

I went through this in my 50s - what has been said above is true, most men in their 40s are looking for younger. However, persevere, get your profile sorted, and have fun chatting. I have now been dating a lovely man for over two years. Advice - do not go off the OLD app you are using until you are sure about who you are speaking to. And watch out for scammers. Good luck x

Theunamedcat · 15/02/2023 18:46

Yeah all I've met is weirdos one said are you single married or what? (No hello) I said divorced (my profile clearly shows this) he said I know x he said your still married! I pointed out my ex is clearly delusional because we are definitely divorced "no your not he said you won't sign" mate not only did I sign I initiated and PAID for the divorce "do you fancy going out next weekend" ummm I'm thinking no "time-wasting cunt I'm reporting you" 😂 I gave up on apps

QueefQueen80s · 15/02/2023 22:54

So does that mean all these men who want younger women want kids and have left it til later in life?

Hawkins003 · 15/02/2023 22:57

*@singlefish
All about marketing your self and perspectives

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