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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask partner to not have a drink on a Sunday?

52 replies

Misscf81 · 22/01/2023 22:24

Just that really, my partner and I enjoy a drink, it’s pretty much kept to weekends and not really in the week, but I tend to have a drink Friday and/or Saturday if I have a drink and not on a Sunday, but it’s as if he’s not capable of having a booze free Sunday.

it’s only 4/5 drinks, he’s never nasty etc. with it, but it’s getting me down that he can’t go a Sunday without a beer.

we’re early 40s, no children, been together 11 years, but I’m starting to resent him and it’s pissing my off to be quiet honest.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 22/01/2023 22:48

YABU. It’s the weekend ffs.

quietnightmare · 22/01/2023 22:49

Does he work early on a Monday and you're worried he will be over the limit to drive or he's missing work due to hangover or drink otherwise he's a grown man you can't dictate what days are acceptable

WandaWonder · 22/01/2023 22:50

If there is no drip feeding or not one of those weird reverse things, then you are being unreasonable

Thepeopleversuswork · 22/01/2023 22:52

You are are BU but its hard to know from your post if this is reflective of a problem here or if you are just micromanaging him.

My ex had a problem with alcohol and it got to a point where I dreaded him drinking and I used to bargain with him like this ("you had a drink last night, can't you have a night off?") and this post rings bells with me.

I now know that this approach is useless: alcoholics cannot control or rationalise their drinking and you have the choice between either tolerating it or removing yourself from the equation.

You say in your post it's "kept to weekends"... is that because you both know it has a tendency to get out of hand? Or do you or he willingly go without during the week?

If you just want him to drink when you drink or have some arbitrary rule about Sunday you are BU.

But if his drinking worries or alarms you on a more deep-seated basis then you might want to think about the broader problem. Do you think he has a problem with alcohol?

ClockingTime · 22/01/2023 22:53

If I was told that I couldn't have a drink when I wanted one, I would deliberately buy a case and drink the lot.
Every Sunday of the pissing month!

SRS29 · 22/01/2023 22:57

UWhatNow · 22/01/2023 22:33

I only drink at the weekend and that includes a Sunday. I would be mightily pissed off if my DH dictated that I must no longer have a few glasses of wine on Sunday evening just because he disapproved. Yabvu. And you sound uptight.

This x

cushioncovers · 22/01/2023 22:57

You need to explain why it's bothering you op.

QueenofLouisiana · 22/01/2023 23:03

If I only drank to DH’s schedule because he criticised any other choices,people on here would be suggesting coercive control-quite reasonably. If you would prefer a booze free day because you want help ferrying the children around, fair enough. Or so you can do other things together. But just because you don’t want a drink on Sunday, no.

HundredAcreOwl · 22/01/2023 23:25

cushioncovers · 22/01/2023 22:57

You need to explain why it's bothering you op.

This...

Dotcheck · 22/01/2023 23:28

I’m in.

Why does it bug you? Does it make conversation/ sex impossible?

Renlea · 22/01/2023 23:39

Weird

ladydimitrescu · 22/01/2023 23:43

Yabvu. Stop being so controlling, it's not effecting you in the slightest.

Usergjdksndjsn · 22/01/2023 23:47

I’d hate it if my DH drank 3 days in a row every week. Seems unhealthy and like you have an issue. Though I accept most people feel differently about alcohol and maybe would think that’s fine

and since you drink 2 nights yourself
I don’t know why you get to decide when the correct days to drink are

Cheeseandlobster · 22/01/2023 23:53

UWhatNow · 22/01/2023 22:33

I only drink at the weekend and that includes a Sunday. I would be mightily pissed off if my DH dictated that I must no longer have a few glasses of wine on Sunday evening just because he disapproved. Yabvu. And you sound uptight.

This
Stop being controlling

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2023 00:09

What is different when he's drinking? I'm assuming its that vs week in having coffee so you have coffee so we're ever the same.
Does your evening have to for around him getting home for a drink? Does he ignore you because he's drunk? Etc?

If you're unhappy then I'd explain what it is you feel when he drinks, nor just that he isn't meant to drink with out you

2Rebecca · 23/01/2023 00:18

Sunday is part of the weekend. If he's not getting drunk and unpleasant I don't see the problem

Mountlea · 23/01/2023 00:26

I’m not a big drinker and I’d never date someone who regularly drinks at the weekend and I think YABU.

That’s like him asking you not to drink on Friday and Saturday? It’s an acceptable reason to end the relationship if it’s a dealbreaker for you but I don’t think it’s acceptable to expect him to change.

TrickorTreacle · 23/01/2023 00:26

@Misscf81 - you should know by now the unwritten rule on Mumsnet is that everyone here and their DH are alcoholics, even if stated as tee total.

YABU 💃

ComfortablyDazed · 23/01/2023 00:31

For goodness sake OP - provide some actual information in your OP, and you might get some constructive replies.

Surely you can see that the info you’ve provided is going to result in us all, rightly, saying you’re being unreasonable and controlling?

So, assuming you’re neither of those things - explain why.

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 02:32

You seem to be concerned about something that you have not yet put into words. What are you fearing that you’ve not yet shared?

Remaker · 23/01/2023 02:37

I can understand drinking only on Friday/Saturday so you are more refreshed for work on Monday. But that’s just for yourself- you can’t make him follow your rules just because you think it’s best.

potniatheron · 23/01/2023 09:56

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 02:32

You seem to be concerned about something that you have not yet put into words. What are you fearing that you’ve not yet shared?

Yes, this. Are you worried that he and/or you may have a problem?

Shoxfordian · 23/01/2023 09:59

Why does it bother you?

Forestwalks · 23/01/2023 10:03

Maybe it bugs him that you only drink either on a Friday or Saturday?

4/5 drinks on a Sunday doesn’t seem like a problem to me especially if he isn’t aggressive or anything. Just sounds like he likes to wind down after a hard week with a few drinks on a Sunday. You sound controlling.

musingsinmidlife · 23/01/2023 10:04

It seems you think that you and him both have a drinking problem. You rationalize that you dont because you choose to not drink on Sundays but since he doesn't choose to show that self restraint like you do, it is a problem for him.

Sounds like it might be a good idea for you to talk to someone about your own drinking and your feelings about it and go from there.