Wanker ex

[Homeandaway21]

He was so cruel during the breakup and afterwards. He wasn't great towards the end of the relationship.
It's taken me a long time to realise all this. I thought he was brilliant and loved me, he certainly acted like it at the beginning.
I can't go into details as very outing.
He moved on incredibly quickly (I don't think there was an overlap). I'm not angry with her. There's no reason to be.
Now I'm in a weird situation where I can recognise his true colors but I still miss him and want him so much. However, I also know - hand on heart - I would say no if he asked.
It is holding me back. I want to be indifferent to him and move onto someone kinder.
I've done everything: blocked, written and burnt letter etc.
I want my heart to catch up with my head.
How do you align the fact the person you thought you know didn't actually exist and was wearing this weird mask which when you no longer served a purpose just vanished?
I did confront him and he acted like we had never met. It was weird. I'm not sure it helped me.
Thanks in advance.

Nobidy breaks up with the perfect ex.
put him behind you and move on.

How long ago was the break up? Sounds like you are doing well though and trust me the indifference will come in time!!!!
It's normal and OK to miss someone who was and is a cunt. Allow yourself to grieve and in time you will move on.

It just takes time. He's obviously not interested in you in the slightest so you need to try forget. Everytime you think about him you need to refocus your attention onto something else, even just put an elastic band round your wrist and give it a good old ping when he comes into your head.

That's helpful, thanks

I know some people think I moved on too quickly.
We split up after 26 years together, we had simply drifted apart and she had started seeing someone else.
I left and moved into a flat.
I tried on line dating and met a few people then only 3 months after I had left my exDW I met someone an fell for her.
I’ve now been married to my new DW for 19 years.
I did not plan to meet her, I did not expect to fall in love again but it just happened very quickly.

Unfortunately it is a painful part of splitting up, or it can be. I went through the same and
it hurts like hell. Keep busy, no contact and block. Keep going out with friends and when you think of him distract yourself. And if you are like me you'll need to do it for months until the pain goes away.

i know I did the right thing leaving my
ex but it didn't stop it hurting. Just hang on in there and be kind to yourself xx

You're a reassuringly normal person whose feelings take time to fade.
The way he could behave to make you feel loved and then act like you've never met is just callous. I'm glad you could hand in heart say you wouldn't go back to him, but that yearning for what you had is real even if he wasn't
I think reading is a great way to process thoughts and feelings. There is inspiration to be found in pages where someone has trod your path, or someone is living a life that appeals or just something fresh.
Through the process your heart heals, as it will anyway, but it's a fan easy to heal and often segues your pain into something else entirely.
If you aren't a reader, I think having new experiences really helps. Time to book that art class/weekend away/whatever that you've never done but will take you outside your comfort zone.
Good luck op you sound like you have your head screwed on, what a d*head he is eh!

Thanks. I'm happy for you. It's not the moving on that really bothers me, actually.

It takes time. Remember that feelings and thoughts are just information, they are not actions. And you will never be fixed by the person that broke you.

Give yourself time and space to grieve and rage and feel all those feelings fully, (but never contact him about it, that just starts the whole process over for you), eventually they will stop being a focus and fade into the background.