To wonder if there's anywhere I can send him?

[AspieHow]

Some details changed as outing.

My DS is 2, and has been diagnosed as having level 1 autism (what would have previously been called Asperger's syndrome, or High functioning Autism). He is bright (meeting all the cognitive and motor milestones expected of children over a year older than him), but is shy and not very good with people. Next year he will go to school nursery, so I need to figure out which school I want to send him to.

I myself have Asperger's syndrome/'mild' autism, as do many of my friends. Myself and the other autistics all either went to mainstream or private school for primary, and without exception all of us were bullied.

I've heard mention of Montessori and Steiner schools, but don't know much about them. My boy is too academic to go to a special school (my friend who teaches at one assures me that he would be bored senseless), but equally I don't want him being bullied the way I (and every other autistic person I know) was.

Where should I send him?

My ds has autism and is 15 now and has never been bullied, his shrink was very surprised by that. We sent him to a small primary school with parents that were interested in academic achievement. Now he goes to a small secondary(less than 200 pupils vs the 1000+ at the other local shools), again one that is very focused on academics and tends to attract the more nerdy type. The small size helps him to not become too overwhelmed as it isn't extremely noisy/crowded. I'm not in the UK though so was able to do that, I'm not sure how easy that would be in there.

Your friend is wrong. My son is 7 and goes to a specialist school. He is definitely not bored and is currently doing secondary school maths. Teaching should be adapted to the child and their needs.

You won't get a specialist school unless one is explicitly needed for severe needs of some sort. Doesn't mean severe learning needs but severe anxiety or behavioural issues can also necessitate a specialist school.

Try not to project your experiences. My DC go to a wonderfully inclusive school. There is absolutely zero tolerance on bullying and the caring ethos of the school is reflected by the kids. My DD is year 3 and we've had once minor issue and school absolutely nailed their response. I knew instantly when I found the right school.

My dd 16 has ASD. She’s never been bullied, in fact she’s got lots of friends. She’s level 1 too.

My son is exactly like this. For us the most important thing is tiny class sizes (max 10). We have ended up in a private special school for primary and will choose tiny private mainstream with a good SEN rep for secondary

I think schools moved on a bit over the past 20-30 years, primary schools at least, in terms of kindness, inclusivity and not tolerating bullying. At least the schools I work in have. I have a child in my class who has ASD, she doesn’t fit in brilliantly with the class socially but people aren’t unkind to her (I suspect they would have been in my day) and certainly no bullying.

I’m not saying all schools are perfect and I’m sure people will be along soon to say I’m wrong because their child was bullied - but I have taught in 4 schools and in all were taught to be kind and accepting and bullying was not tolerated.

My DD is autistic and in year 6. She's done really well in our local primary school. We've had no issues with bullying, thankfully.

My son is in a public nursery school, we have just realised he is high functioning autistic with a pda profile - not formally diagnosed yet. He is very popular at school but often in trouble. The school are amazingly supportive, they say they don't have a class without a ND child and are ND champions. I'm just following for opinions/stories as I'm very new to this and worry/wonder how he will get on in the future.

Special schools in our area really do not suit academic children. They are def geared more towards children with learning difficulties or/and behavioural issues.

Iv heard there are asd schools in certain areas. You could also consider an academic prep school.

I understand your worries I am probably autistic but never gone for assessment. I was severely bullied.
My two autistic dc - one was bullied but because of medial issues that made them different to others and the other hasn't been bullied one is now an adult and one a teenager. I think part may be luck small accepting primary school and large but strict secondary school. I also think times have changed and children are more accepting in general of differences.
I looked for good mainstream provision with good senco for primary school. For secondary they have gone to mainstream school that has a separate wing for senco if needed they could use those facilities full time, it also has meant the senco team is bigger/wider knowledge base. They've both stayed in the mainstream side of school but have been able to access the specialist centre support when needed.
I'd take each stage as it comes and See what's needed my eldest has need less support as got older and youngest more support as got older. Both have needed different types of support.

It's a lifetime since you were at school. Plus your ds will have a diagnosis, be aware of why he feels different and be supported in adapting his environment to feel comfortable.
Go see some local schools on open days next Autumn and see the difference

I'm glad to hear that there are schools where autistics children are treated well. Those whose children are at schools where they aren't bullied, how could you tell that you'd found the right school?

I guess I got further stressed out because I know someone who teaches in higher education, and their neurodiverse students regularly come from secondary school having been told to kill themselves, or beaten up, or sexually assaulted. Maybe it's just that the college that he teaches at is in Birmingham. I just don't want anyone to ever treat DS like that

If your worried about bullying then don’t send him to a Steiner school.

I couldn’t tell, she just went to the local schools. They were in very nice expensive areas if that’s any help?

My GD went to a special secondary school with only 40 pupils. She got excellent tuition in small classes and 6 good GCSE passes.

I knew the primary school we found was right because the head was a fearless leader in creating a strong culture of differences are ok, celebrated even, and every child counts.
All the kids are supported for who they are and my DD hasn't been bullied (year 5), though she has her challenges they are her own and not caused by other people being mean.
I'm hopeful for her secondary school as I have heard good things, but it's more nerve wracking as it's bigger and the older they are the less close influence you tend to have.

From my experience as a parent and professional it is schools in 'nice expensive' areas that are less inclusive and less kind.

And from my experience as a parent and a teacher for 26 years. I totally disagree.

My 6yo soon-to-be-diagnosed ASD son goes to an independent special school where the classes are based on ability and peer interest rather than age. He’s technically year 1 and is mostly being educated alongside children two or theee years older. Your friend is talking bollocks.

I think it really depends on your son's personality.

I have three boys with Autism, each hugely different.

My eldest is very bright, very autistic and has done really well at a MS primary and is currently in year 10 at a pretty rough secondary school and copes really well.

He is on sertraline to help with anxiety and I think that maybe one of the reasons why he does so well, but he is also just really matter of fact about everything. I asked school to 'introduce' him to boys he might get on well with and he took it from there.

He did boxing club in year 7 and goes to the gym now so he feels and looks physically strong and I think that helps.

Also, he is too set for everything so generally the kids around him are willing and able to learn (and are often ASD like him).

My middle child goes to a state special school where pupils have a very high level of need because they also have a learning disability (below average IQ).

An academically able child wouldn't be suitable and wouldn't get a place.

I don't think the friend is talking bollocks.

Where do you live? Obviously your options will be limited if you are in a small town.
I am in London and we needed to find a SEN school for my daughter who is autistic. We looked at loads. Some were essentially for high functioning and no learning difficulties - and were almost like mainstream but on a smaller scale. These were secondaries but there are primary versions (often linked to the secondary).
She is at a school now where all the children are autistic but all at different levels. They group the children in classes where everyone is at similar levels.
She is in a class where everyone is high functioning. They will do some GCSE's, go onto college and work.
However some of the children in the other classes will never live independently.
SEN schools doesn't always mean it's just for children with learning difficulties.

My autistic child went to an ordinary local nursery school and goes to an ordinary state primary school. He’s never been bullied, he has a nice group of friends and is pretty happy there (I admit to being terrified of secondary school starting!) The very occasional rude comment has been made by older kids but it was immediately shut down by the school and hearteningly also by DS’s friends.

His school is not the outstanding one everyone wants to get into, it’s a very average school and it gets mediocre results if you go by league tables, but I toured six and that was the one I walked in and just knew it was right. It was warm, friendly, calm, very diverse and inclusive and both the headteacher and senco were very helpful and reassuring. DS has thrived there. I’d start by touring your local schools and asking to speak to the senco - you’ll probably get a feel for whether it is a good fit or not.

I would never ever send my child, autistic or not, to a Steiner school. I can’t agree with their philosophy or methods.

@Minimalme my point was that you can’t write off ALL special schools as unsuitable the way her friend has. There will be ones out there where OPs son could thrive if mainstream was unable to meet his needs.

Getting the LA to agree is another matter but not impossible.

@AspieHow I knew the primary school was right because of the attitude/response from the staff when I was describing DD's needs when we visited.

I was really worried about some of her sensory sensitivities, but they offered some small adjustments that went on to have a huge impact on her wellbeing.