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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need advice with how to approach a teacher without sounding arsey

7 replies

Frustratedcamel · 22/01/2023 12:11

Long ish backstory regarding my dd(13), we have waited for over 2 years for neuro developmental assessment and we’re finally getting somewhere.

She really struggled with the transition from primary to secondary school and her behaviour and mental health deteriorated as a result.

An educational psychology report was done and the results have been seen by SEN, who have shared some details with her class teachers on how to help.

The majority of her teachers have been great with taking this on board and she’s so much better behaviour wise in lessons. There are maybe just a couple now who she seems to have difficulty with.

She has been trying so hard and getting great comments from her teachers for the whole day, but then attends a lesson with a particular teacher and it seems no matter what she does, she always gets consequences. Now I’m not saying my dd is blameless, I know kids don’t always give an accurate description of events…all I’m wanting help with is how to approach the teacher without sounding accusatory, as it’s genuinely just me wanting to put my dd’s feeling across (she will often be so anxious on the days she has these lessons that she refuses to go in). Her difficulties do make it a bit more complicated, as some teachers are more tolerant than others and that’s understandable in a mainstream school…we have been advised that she doesn’t need to go to another school and will be fine with SEN support.

Any advice gratefully accepted, particularly if you are a teacher.

OP posts:
PortiasBiscuit · 22/01/2023 12:14

I’d start by speaking to the SEN team?

Frustratedcamel · 22/01/2023 12:19

The SEN team have been great, they’ve produced a document that shows her teachers her trigger points / what she needs to do in that situation to help her self regulate etc.

I’m not sure if they’d get involved with more individual issues, but I will certainly approach them for advice.

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corlan · 22/01/2023 12:20

You're best to discuss this with the SENCO at the school. They will be experienced in advising teachers on how to support your daughter.

MrsHamlet · 22/01/2023 12:21

I’m not sure if they’d get involved with more individual issues, but I will certainly approach them for advice.
In my school, they would take the lead on this.
A polite email to the SENCO which says that Arabella is doing much better now but that pottery is casing some issues (subject not teacher, unless she has more than one) and asking for some help would be the way to go.

MistressIggi · 22/01/2023 12:23

I think best done through the school's learning support teacher that you've been dealing with already. It could be something that's happening in the class, could be the time of day, could be the teacher's approach - you just don't know. I think I'm the first instance dealing with it through a third party could be helpful.
Does she have support in class? As sometimes a child gets support in one subject and in another the teacher is on her own, which makes things harder.
Thank you for caring about being non-arsey! (You may need to get arsey at some point, but best not to start off that way!)

Frustratedcamel · 22/01/2023 12:24

I will definitely speak to SEN then. The teacher in question wants to speak to me regarding a detention that my dd didn’t go to (that was my fault, we had an appointment and I forgot to speak to the school), but she generally gets a detention any time she has this class, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to speak to them about it.

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Frustratedcamel · 22/01/2023 12:26

She has occasional support in class but we’re now in the process of getting more as the report recommends this.

She definitely needs the support as she really struggles academically.

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