Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to listen to my instincts?

27 replies

Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 09:38

My son had a trial piano lesson the other day. I found him on google and was the only teacher in the area that had availability. I sat in the whole lesson, the teacher was really engaging. My son loved it and wants to go back.

The thing is, he was really friendly and relaxed but there was something just a bit odd I couldn't put my finger on. It might have just been that his house was dark and messy. When I went home I looked for online reviews and there is nothing about him anywhere. He says on his website he set up a piano tuition company, but the company doesn't exist on Companies House.

I don't know if I'm being over the top and paranoid and to give the guy a go. I can sit in all the lessons so I wouldn't leave my son alone. Or do I listen to my gut instinct and go on the waiting list for another teacher?

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 22/01/2023 09:48

Hi Op

I am a very intuitive person like you,

and every time I have ignored my instinct , it has come back to bite me on my backside,

Listen to your gut instinct , it's there for a bloody good reason,

a primeval protective instinct since your ancestors have had since Stone age human times to protect us from sabre tooth tiger ect,

Just cause 🎹 piano tutor seemed engaged and friendly, Cause you were there by your son,
How do you know this is not a front/a facade a cover to hide what he really is like,

Gut reaction/six sense feeling something is off dodgy ,not quite right,
Are all signs Screaming yelling at you to stop urgently ✋️ and listen to the meaning behind this

Notjustanymum · 22/01/2023 09:51

YANBU - and absolutely listen to your gut feeling. These days, anyone working with children should at least have a current safety check (I think it’s a DBS?) and the fact that he’s lied about his non-existent company is also a red flag.
In the meantime, try the online tuition apps which are freely available on iPad, while searching for a new tutor. Good luck!

Original poster
Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 12:14

Thank you. I was thinking about asking him for some references and for his DBS check. But maybe I should just go with my gut and look elsewhere. It's hard because I don't want to be judgmental but the lack of online presence worries me too!

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 22/01/2023 12:16

Find a teacher to come to your home

Inca22 · 22/01/2023 12:39

Do all of that OP and ask for some references that you can talk to. Good tutors are hard to find so it might be worth doing some due diligence before you cut it off

ethermint · 22/01/2023 12:40

trust your instinct!!!

Lkydfju · 22/01/2023 12:41

I’d listen to your instinct on this one; also in the future I’d ask to see DBS check and references at the first lesson.

GabriellaMontez · 22/01/2023 12:42

Sole traders aren't going to show on companies House. That tells you nothing.

Have you asked for dbs?

whatyoulookingfor · 22/01/2023 12:45

I suggest that you read the gift of fear, which will explain exactly why you should listen to your instincts

SamTG · 22/01/2023 12:45

I’m a self employed piano teacher. I’m a sole trader as most of us are, companies house is irrelevant.

Masterofcats · 22/01/2023 12:57

My aunt is a piano teacher, her house is dark and messy ( Ie papers and books everywhere) She is highly intelligent and an academic but very strange in many ways. She is also harmless.
Your teacher is probably a similar sort in reality and with you in the room nothing bad will happen. Piano teachers can be hard to find. I can't find one myself ( do not live near my aunt)
But if your gut says no, go with it!

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 22/01/2023 13:15

If he's a sole trader, he won't be on companies house.

You also say he has a website, so he does have online presence somewhere.

Walterwhiteswifey · 22/01/2023 13:29

Perfectly acceptable to ask him for DBS checks. Any legitimate teacher will be able to provide them without hesitation. If he can't provide this then move on.

2bazookas · 22/01/2023 13:30

Show us a link to his website. It's a public document, for anyone.

Original poster
Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 17:07

Ok thanks everyone. I hadn't considered he might be a sole trader so that's helpful. But he does say his is the manager of the tutoring company with branches in various cities. Also really helpful reminder that not everyone lives in neat tidy house and that I shouldn't judge on that. I've asked for DBS and references and I'm going to see what he comes back with. Instinct is an interesting thing though isn't it, I'm going to look at that book suggestion because this is got me thinking a lot about instinct vs making preconceived judgements on people.

OP posts:
LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 17:08

Goodread1 · 22/01/2023 09:48

Hi Op

I am a very intuitive person like you,

and every time I have ignored my instinct , it has come back to bite me on my backside,

Listen to your gut instinct , it's there for a bloody good reason,

a primeval protective instinct since your ancestors have had since Stone age human times to protect us from sabre tooth tiger ect,

Just cause 🎹 piano tutor seemed engaged and friendly, Cause you were there by your son,
How do you know this is not a front/a facade a cover to hide what he really is like,

Gut reaction/six sense feeling something is off dodgy ,not quite right,
Are all signs Screaming yelling at you to stop urgently ✋️ and listen to the meaning behind this

I’m thinking you believe in horoscopes and use the word ‘hun’

ShakespearesBlister · 22/01/2023 17:21

Goodread1 · 22/01/2023 09:48

Hi Op

I am a very intuitive person like you,

and every time I have ignored my instinct , it has come back to bite me on my backside,

Listen to your gut instinct , it's there for a bloody good reason,

a primeval protective instinct since your ancestors have had since Stone age human times to protect us from sabre tooth tiger ect,

Just cause 🎹 piano tutor seemed engaged and friendly, Cause you were there by your son,
How do you know this is not a front/a facade a cover to hide what he really is like,

Gut reaction/six sense feeling something is off dodgy ,not quite right,
Are all signs Screaming yelling at you to stop urgently ✋️ and listen to the meaning behind this

Go on then, what is he really like?

Ihavekids · 22/01/2023 17:26

Your gut instinct is actually you picking up on tiny clues like body language, smell, anything slightly off. Gut instinct is just the name we give it when something makes us uneasy, but we can't name it. Your senses have picked something up. Its not your imagination. I'd 100% look for someone else.

Original poster
Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 17:32

He's just come back saying he doesn't have a current DBS! He questioned what type of references I would like (professional or client) and how many I'd need. Then he suggested he finds me a different teacher...
How can you teach children in your home without DBS? Or is it ok as long as the parent is with them? He said staying was optional... Too many red flags. I think I'll go somewhere else!

OP posts:
LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 17:38

Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 17:32

He's just come back saying he doesn't have a current DBS! He questioned what type of references I would like (professional or client) and how many I'd need. Then he suggested he finds me a different teacher...
How can you teach children in your home without DBS? Or is it ok as long as the parent is with them? He said staying was optional... Too many red flags. I think I'll go somewhere else!

DBS isn’t fool proof so some private tutors won’t bother, if parents request they can either then make the decision to pay and get it sorted or not bother and advise them to use another provider.

Him not having one wouldn’t be a red flag for me, but you’ve already made your mind up and are looking for reasons to prove yourself right so just find another tutor and save yourself the drama

SamTG · 22/01/2023 17:46

Plenty of private tutors don’t have a dbs in my experience.
I do because part of my work is in a school, but in 30 years I’ve never been asked for one by a private pupil, although maybe because I’m female.
Also, a dbs only tells you about past offences. Better than nothing of course, but my point is nothing is fool proof.

Obviously I haven’t met this man, but it’s not a red flag in itself.

Find another teacher if you’re worried of course.

LaPerduta · 22/01/2023 17:47

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 17:08

I’m thinking you believe in horoscopes and use the word ‘hun’

Show quote history

"Hun" often goes along with "ect"...

TortillaChipAddict · 22/01/2023 17:47

I’m a music teacher. I am DBS checked because I work through a few institutions but it’s more difficult to do a self check (or was 5 years ago when I was looking) for private tutoring. But if you’re worried go with your gut! I ditched a private student because they were giving me the creeps and I couldn’t put my finger on it! You could try going through a local music school - they should all be dbs checked and teach on their premises. Or if you live anywhere near London, Manchester, Cardiff, Birmingham, Glasgow contact one of the conservatoires - they should hold lists of their students who want to teach. They will all be dbs checked because part of the conservatoire training involves community music work

Original poster
Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 17:47

Yes I think you're probably right, I am looking for evidence that he is a good tutor because I apart from seeming like a nice guy I haven't seen anything. I did want to make it work, that's why I've been questioning myself. I haven't found anyone in the area that has of heard of him and I can't find any online reviews anywhere even though he says he's been working here for 4 years... that and no DBS it was just one thing too much. So yes, I'll just look for another tutor and drama over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushnow100 · 22/01/2023 17:50

It's interesting to know that piano tutors aren't necessarily DBS, every time I've done any work with children I've needed one. It's helpful to know.

OP posts: