Asking husband to sign pension over to me

[Thisismyname33]

So need advice. DH and I have 3 children, 4, 2 and 5 months. We have been together for 12 years, married for 6. Have a house with mortgage, roughly 140k remaining. I work part time, wouldn’t make sense to pay nursery fees for all the children whilst they are not in school. DH works full time. I have asked him a few times about his pension, he hasn’t assigned it to anyone if something were to happen to him. Obviously if something did happen to him I would need all the help I could get, I don’t want to ask him about this again as he seems to think I’m after his money and doesn’t like the idea of signing it over to me in the event of something happening to him. AIBU to ask for this?

I should add our bills money etc are all shared

What’s his reason for saying no?

Ate you sure this is needed. I thought pensions usually went straight to spouse. I know that mine couldn’t go to my husband if we were unmarried, as it’s specifically for a spouse.

If you’re married it will go to you, unless he names someone else.

Why do you think that it wouldn't get passed your way by default?

Also have you thought about if something happens to you?

what is your pension like? Especially if part time. Have you named your dh?

if you die your dh will need all the help he can get. What’s he supposed to do, work full time, pay full time nursery fees but also accept the impact being a single dad will have on his career?

your pension will make a massive difference to his ability to be around more for the kids if he is widowered.

works both ways.

I think maybe as you are married it is already assigned to you legally? really his attitude is off- you say you share bills etc- if you are not working how does this happen? DH and I have been together 30yrs and everything has been in 'one pot' for about 29 yrs. We have done the whole I earned more than him then he earned more than me and still does - I went part time when DS was little but now back to full time but all money is ours.

You need to check exactly how his pension scheme works. Google it if you know the provider.

And you should talk to him about arrangements for extra contributions to your own pension. This is why both my DH and I are part time for childcare reasons. Both of us have taken a hit in terms of current salary and future pension.

You are usually asked to have a nominated person on your pension. I checked all mine recently to make sure I had done it.

It's odd he won't. It doesn't affect what he gets in his pension and if he's dead he won't care anyway!

You are married with underage/dependent children. If he hasn’t nominated anyone, it would go to you automatically (unless someone else has a claim - eg he is a bigamist and has another wife and children).

If he has nominated someone else, you, as his wife and mother of his underage/dependent children, can challenge the nomination.

Ultimately, the pension trustees make the final decision as to who gets the money but they take into consideration the wishes of the deceased (via their nominations) and the needs of surviving family.

I think the pension has to gave a nomination for it to be transferred to someone else, even if you're married. I cant think of a reason why he would not do this. It's not like you're stealing it from him, he'll literally have to be dead for you to benefit.

The house we live in was sold to us by a widow in her 50s. Her husband had not provided for her - no pension or life assurance - so she had to sell up. This is what OPs husband would have happen to her and her children.

OP, ask again, explain the consequences and if he resists, ask why he thinks that possible outcome is what he wants for you and his children.

Good luck.

This happened to our neighbours with the bigamy, very sad for all involved

Has he been married before? I think if he has already nominated someone, then he has to get them to sign an acknowledgement to change it to someone else (you). Sounds like that is what he doesnt want to do.. but Im clutching at straws here, its very dd and particularly that he is throwing an accusation at you that you just want his money..he would be dead and you would be still raising your children

Her husband hadn’t provided for her?

nothing to stop her providing for herself. At the very least she could have taken out life insurance to cover the mortgage.

I bet she hadn’t provided for him had it been the other way round.

I’m sorry…. ‘The bigamy’. I know this is derailment, but there’s a story here….

I wasnt saying it was right or wrong. I was saying what happened. She was left with expenses that as a single mother she could not cover, whereas previously 2 adults had shared the cost.

My pension is assigned to my husband and vice versa. Why would we let the pension fund keep the money when the people we love could have it.

No idea why you'd think otherwise.

My Husband died and I was the nominated person to receive the pension - from the paperwork it appeared anyone could make a claim 💁🏻‍♀️

Some pension schemes need an nomination, even if the member is married.

We had this with my SIL. Her husband died suddenly of a undiagnosed heart defect, leaving her widowed at 39 with a 2 year old son. He hadn't bothered to nominate anyone for his work pension (a DC one) and despite the fact she was his widow we needed to make an application to the pension fund administrators to request it was paid to her.

Luckily they decided that on balance he would have wanted his wife and young son to benefit from his pension and were happy to release the money to her, but it was admin we could have done without at a very difficult time.

if it group perusal pension the provider will do investigations if he hasn’t nominated someone and will pay it to financial dependants. Which is usually the spouse. You only have a problem if he’s nominated the DC