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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stepdaughter drug dealer bf

20 replies

Onethingafteranother123 · 21/01/2023 23:01

My stepdaughter has a taste for bad boy boyfriends, latest one released from prison last year after killing some one while high , also drug dealing convictions, happy for her dad to see them but I don’t want to meet up with them . Also only know this as googled his name not sure if I should tell dh ? Aibu to stay away ?

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 21/01/2023 23:02

YANBU to stay away, obviously you should tell your DH now that you no.

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:09

Do you Google everyone that's new to the family, what an odd thing to do.. i don't get why you've done that.. I feel like you was hoping something bad came up and your revelling in this

BillyMack · 21/01/2023 23:10

I’m sure she does.

DuplicateUserName · 21/01/2023 23:20

Also only know this as googled his name not sure if I should tell dh?

A drug dealer who killed someone while high and you're asking Mumsnet if you should tell your DH? 🙄

Desertbarncat · 21/01/2023 23:22

Why wouldn’t you tell your dh about this very concerning fact? Its more than reasonable to do a google search or even a background check on someone your stepdaughter is dating. Are you wanting to stay away for personal safety reasons? If so, I think you are being unreasonable. He’s not going to attack you. It’s reasonable to not trust drug users, but that doesn’t mean you have to abandon your stepdaughter. Meet the guy, and ask him about his past. In my experience, people who have been to prison will be honest about what they were in for and how they have changed now that they have done their time. Then make a decision. Your stepdaughter needs your support.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2023 23:24

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:09

Do you Google everyone that's new to the family, what an odd thing to do.. i don't get why you've done that.. I feel like you was hoping something bad came up and your revelling in this

Well, she was right, wasn't she!

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:28

@determinedtomakethiswork it's still odd

Ponoka7 · 21/01/2023 23:38

"Are you wanting to stay away for personal safety reasons? If so, I think you are being unreasonable. He’s not going to attack you."

No but he might be being targeted. There's family and friends behind the person who he has killed. There might be dealing scores to settle and/or money owed. People are getting shot dead just being in the same area as these low life's. Of course you've got to tell your DH. You make what decisions you need to. Wait months before you believe the tales of rehabilitation.

Ihatethenewlook · 21/01/2023 23:47

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:28

@determinedtomakethiswork it's still odd

It’s really not. I’ve Googled my own name out of interest, and came up with 3 newspapers who had taken and published quotes I’d written on social media, including mumsnet, they’d published my actual name as well. Googling new partners or anyone you want to look into is normal?

snowtrees · 21/01/2023 23:58

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:09

Do you Google everyone that's new to the family, what an odd thing to do.. i don't get why you've done that.. I feel like you was hoping something bad came up and your revelling in this

Prob as she's heard rumours. My DC & mates know kids and friends with 'interesting' families. So people google it to see if true

Cactusprick · 22/01/2023 00:31

Maybe she (quite rightly) judged a book by its cover; thought “well he looks rough as fuck”, and googled him.
Good for her, she found out the truth pretty quickly.
OP - yes, definitely tell your husband.

BeardieWeirdie · 22/01/2023 00:36

Of course you tell your husband - and never let the scrote into your home. Tough shit if the silly girl objects - she needs to raise her standards.

Deathbyfluffy · 22/01/2023 00:38

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:28

@determinedtomakethiswork it's still odd

It’s more odd that you’re focusing on that, rather than the fact it’s helped on this occasion.

HerRoyalNotness · 22/01/2023 00:41

Cas112 · 21/01/2023 23:09

Do you Google everyone that's new to the family, what an odd thing to do.. i don't get why you've done that.. I feel like you was hoping something bad came up and your revelling in this

You know I don’t think to google people which makes me gullible and naïve as I think everyone is like me. Well that came home to roost recently and a person I thought was decent, was in fact not, and a parent Googling them raised issues. So I would google anyone coming into contact with my family, especially my children

Pantsomime · 22/01/2023 00:48

Why are you unsure, of course you need to tell DH

lucashampton · 20/02/2023 12:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

KettrickenSmiled · 20/02/2023 13:17

Also only know this as googled his name not sure if I should tell dh ?

Yeah, the fact that his DD's dating a drug-dealing murderer is DEFINITELY a secret you should keep.

FFS

Mummyratbag · 20/02/2023 13:28

Given OP's SD has a habit of picking bad boys, I don't think it's unreasonable that she googled the new one.

I would absolutely tell DH though.

2bazookas · 20/02/2023 14:12

You need to tell DH right away ; and also arrange a Clare's Law request .

Its possible SD does not know his history or has heard a very watered down account from BF.

2bazookas · 20/02/2023 14:15

"Are you wanting to stay away for personal safety reasons? If so, I think you are being unreasonable. He’s not going to attack you."

How can you possibly know that? Since when did killers high on drugs make a careful decision with a full risk assessment ?

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