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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding child maintenence

11 replies

Radgreen · 21/01/2023 22:03

Child maintenence debate...

Non resident parent pays just under minimum child maintenence. Resident parent has never asked for or recieved additional money- all school uniform/clubs/trips paid for by resident parent. Another residential school trip is coming up, considering asking for nrp to pay half.

Yabu- trips/uniform etc should be covered by child maintenence

Yanbu- big expenses should be shared.

OP posts:
Lialou · 21/01/2023 22:09

It's a tough one. You say resident parent pays for uniform/clubs/trips....but how is that decided? Surely the CM is towards everything to do with the child?

But the fact that they pay under the minimum probably leaves you some room to ask. Morally, I'd say its about who can afford it. Should NRP be left skint to fund it, or vice versa?

yousmellnice · 21/01/2023 22:11

For a start they should be paying at least the minimum. Just under doesn't cut it.

TeaAndBrie · 21/01/2023 22:12

It’s for the child and it’s an unaccounted for expense.
definitely should be shared

OneForTheRoadThen · 21/01/2023 22:14

Should be a shared cost imo

RedSpatula · 21/01/2023 22:15

Child maintenance should go towards uniforms, clubs etc. So no - you don't pay for it all, the NRP also contributes towards it with their CM.

As for an addittional trip - it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask them if they would consider paying half, if it's an unusual extra and would benefit the child. Worth an ask.

Coffeellama · 21/01/2023 22:17

I would say as it’s an expensive extra it should be shared. If NRP paid £200 a month maintenance and the trip was £30 I’d expect it to come out if that, but if it’s £300 for the trip I’d expect that shared

Desertbarncat · 21/01/2023 22:19

It should be spelled out, in writing, in the parenting agreement/court documents. A lot of times parents will agree/be ordered to pay half of educational expenses, unreimbursed medical expenses, etc. But if your ex is paying under the minimum support guidelines I assume the court found a good reason they couldn’t pay?

Original poster
Radgreen · 21/01/2023 22:22

No court or parenting agreement- its a private arrangement.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 21/01/2023 22:25

Go via the CMS and get at least the minimum. You can ask for money for the trip but he/she can say no.

The maintenance is contributing to the costs so the RP isn’t paying for all of it. What do you think it’s for?

WigglyGlowWorm · 21/01/2023 22:27

If you can only afford it with their contribution then don’t put down any deposit until it’s been discussed. This was always the rule with DH and his ex because when they first split he was on a very low income and, whilst maintenance was fine due to it being a % of his income, an extra on top wasn’t always OK. Luckily they get on OK and now he’s earning a lot more things like trips are affordable on both sides. I’d say communication is key here.

quietnightmare · 21/01/2023 22:33

WigglyGlowWorm · 21/01/2023 22:27

If you can only afford it with their contribution then don’t put down any deposit until it’s been discussed. This was always the rule with DH and his ex because when they first split he was on a very low income and, whilst maintenance was fine due to it being a % of his income, an extra on top wasn’t always OK. Luckily they get on OK and now he’s earning a lot more things like trips are affordable on both sides. I’d say communication is key here.

Correct

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