shit fathers

[pleaseletmesmile]

Please talk me down. How do separated mums deal with immature fathers who never put their children before their own selfish needs? I'm hurting for my kids

I'm in this situation. I just think I cannot change someone's character. I enlist family and paid help to get a break. He's still a wanker though.

Thanks @LolaFerrari So true, you cannot change someones character. I'm using every fibre of my being to keep positive, but yes, he's still a wanker like your wanker

I'm experiencing this at the moment. My ex is devastated which is the reason for his behaviour but that doesn't change how awful it is.

Accept you can’t change them. Just focus on you and the kids, other wise it might eat you up. I used to be so angry then realised my anger did nothing to change him, but made me miserable.

All you can do is be the best parent you can be. And accept that other parents have different priorities and standards.

It's hard because we want the best for the children. And when they ask why doesn't dad come etc you want to protect them from their shit ness. I said a lot of I don't knows and although dad loves you he isnt a very good dad at the moment.

We have had a few years of him being on a complete bender. Although currently things are a lot more settled.

My children have all had some sort of counselling and support to work through their feels because although I try I'm not impartial and it gave them a safe place to work things out. And I hope they don't end up thinking their dads rubbish behaviour is acceptable in future partners.

In the words of Elsa. You have to let it go.

Oh I let him be shit, didn't let him in on any details on the children, acted like i didnt care that he didnt ask how the children were or arrange to see them, then when he came to senses and missed the children I made it clear he's seeing them on my terms, then when he did after I praised him for good parenting and thanked him for caring for the children that day and then I think it made him realise how shit he had been and he replied with sorry I've been a shit dad, from now on I will work on beeing a good dad. He then asked to see them after work during the week and I said I'll get back to you on that one as I've got the children in a nice routine now so will have to figure out if we can fit you in, I think it shocked him that I didn't want his help that we were coping just fine without him

@LolaFerrari is right. You can build a great life for your dcs without him.

My ex shows up for 6 hours on a Sunday. During that time, he sits and reads his phone, takes ds out for the cheapest burger he can find, reads his phone some more and then leaves.

During covid he decided seeing ds was too big a risk and he'd facetime him instead. That got it down to 3 minutes a week because they had nothing to say to each other. Ex resorted to reading ds the cricket scores 🙄

Ex has made himself irrelevant. It's sad but beyond my influence.

Thank you ladies, such sage advice. So sorry you have had to endure the shit father" period. I'll have to check back in tomorrow, its bedtime in my corner of the world. merci everyone

As with the others, I just focus on being the best parent I can be as I can't change him and in my case, if I ever say anything he does the complete opposite to spite me.

My parents are like my kids second parent. It's fucking sad and unfair. My eldest can't stand to be around him, my youngest likes him but never really wants to go to his house. It's very difficult as I am desperate for a break every couple of weeks but he's so horrible and selfish I feel bad them going.

Nothing you can do sadly, my ex doesn’t bother with our child hasn’t had them once overnight in 6 years and pays no maintenance, I don’t even have family help to make up for it, I keep getting told I’m lucky he doesn’t bother with them, not sure why I’m lucky my ex is a shit absent father..

He needs to just get on with it, break ups are always rough regardless of the reason.

Unless it’s something extreme like you leaving him for another man (in which case it can take a while to see reason) he just needs to step up and get on with it like we all need to sometimes.

I am consistently there for her. I always say yes when he asks me to have her on his days and will arrange for her to stay with family if I'm unable to do it. She knows she is 100% not an option for me and is my priority. I just compensate in every way i can.

I have been separated from a shit dad for 2 years now and I’m finally learning to let my frustration go. He is a terrible father, nothing I say or do will ever change that. I ‘m trying to make sure my kids know they have 1 parent that will always be there for them and not creating stress for us all by trying to force hIm to step up because it’s not worth it.

Also don't make his life easy. Mine has access to the school app so I don't remind him of anything. He can iron school uniforms, do homework etc as he refuses to do most weekends so he can pull his weight in thr week. No favours