AIBU to look for a new job

[Ivehadenough25]

Hi all, I want to know AIBU to be looking for a new job after things feel like they're at breaking point for me with a coworker.

I (F20s) work with K (F50s). K has been in this job, either as a volunteer or emplyed in some way, for as long as I've been alive. She is very good at what she does and does it to a very high standard. It's great to see and because of the kind if work we do it helps a lot of people.

When I first started my job 2 and a half years ago K and I were close and she helped me get to grips with the company and I thought we had a great working relationship. This was especially true in times of major covid restrictions.

K and I do a similar but not the same job, so there is overlap but not much unless we want there to be. For a long time there was a lot of overlap in our roles, our communication was great and plenty of things felt positive with the job.

Fast forward to about a year ago and K changed how she worked with me but never said why. She's not forced to do so, of course, but it was very odd. She stopped collaborating with me on our shared projects too, not just the optional things, which was very frustrating. This coincided with me having to take some time off for my mental health and easing of covid restrictions so the way she had previously done her job could resume.

I have taken the initiative and had several conversations with her about this where she apologises for not working with me on our shared projects, improves for a short time before going back to not communicating. It's probably worth saying at this point that we're quite different in the way we approach things. I am quite direct but I would like to think I am considerate with what I say although I'm not perfect. K is much more passive aggressive and doesn't say anything until its built up so much she lashes out with her words.

More recently, K has began to insist I go to and through her for my projects which have nothing to do with her. I have resisted this and been clear that I will speak to my supervisor if I need any help or direction. Without going into too much detail all of my interactions with K now feel very much like she is scrutinising my every move, asking questions about all my work that are patronising (suggesting I haven't done the most basic of things), and the passive aggression is off the charts.

The company we work for isn't big so I can't hide away from her. I have told my supervisor and they recognise her behaviour isn't good but often they say its just K's personality. I know others in the company likely won't have seen this side of K since they don't work as closely with her as I do.

It has gotten to the point where I do not want to be in the job anymore because of how she behaves towards me. I enjoy my job and while I won't be doing it forever its right for now and all my projects are doing well. If I leave there will be a hole in the company that for various reasons will be hard to fill and a lot of my projects will have to stop abruptly.

Speak to your supervisor

I'm sorry things have changed & it has become unpleasant to work there/with K. It's always very sad when a good relationship changes.

YANBU to change jobs.

not wishing to sound patronising, but as you get older you'll realise that things will carry on much the same when you leave & you're not actually irreplaceable. Hard to hear maybe? But also freeing....

yes, some projects might stop, but others will pop up like mushrooms.

you need to look after yourself & your MH.

Go & find yourself a new opportunity!!

The indispensable man

Sometime when you’re feeling important;
Sometime when your ego’s in bloom;
Sometime when you take it for granted,
You’re the best qualified in the room:
Sometime when you feel that your going,
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions,
And see how they humble your soul.

Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that’s remaining,
Is a measure of how much you’ll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop, and you’ll find that in no time,
It looks quite the same as before.

The moral of this quaint example,
Is to do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There’s no indispensable man.

What an unnecessary , patronising post @WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody - a post that completely misses the point of the OP

One of the worst sneering posts I’ve seen on an AIBU

It's difficult as it seems you enjoy your job, but it's being overshadowed by K. I think you've got 2 options here. First is to speak again with your supervisor. It's not really acceptable for them to agree her behavior is unreasonable but in the same breath say "its just her personality". I'd go in with some ides of how they can facilitate a better working environment for you (it helps to go in with some solutions). The second is just to look for a new job. It's a shame as you like what you do but you need to think about whether the impact K is having is worth staying, or not.

YANBU to look for another job as your relationship with K has run its course and its unlikely she will leave. Without observing the two of you it's difficult to say if either of you are 'in the wrong'.
Have you considered that from Ks point of view she might have thought she was an excellent mentor and trained you up then over Covid roles changed a little and you seemed stressed and agitated and everything she said was wrong....so she backed off....then you asked her why there was no input from her anymore so she engaged again offering useful suggestions ...but you backed off. Now she doesn't know what to do. She's been doing this job for years with no complaints. It's you that's changed. Just saying
And at 20 you will have changed. Time to spread your wings. Best of luck OP

Reddit Antiwork has a saying that people don’t resign from bad jobs but they do leave bad managers because that’s the bit that’s never going to change.

JudyRudy I do hear what you're saying absolutely. It could well be me but i have asked if/what I'm doing is an issue with K and with my supervisor and the only comments are that I do things differently to K but not wrong....
I was told the last few people in my position K has had difficulty with in some shape or form but her work is never affected it's just the relationship.
I hadn't considered that maybe she saw herself as a mentor. I think like other people have said I need to ask our supervisor to mediate a conversation between us.

If you like your job and don't want to leave, and she technically has nothing to do with you, insist her input is removed and you work completely separately. Don't allow them to fob you off or her to bully you out.

@SavoirFlair

Not patronising or sneering AT ALL!

It's important to put yourself first because no organisation will. No matter how good you are your job, they will replace you and they will keep going. There is no benefit in sacrificing yourself, your career or your MH/happiness for an organisation!