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AIBU?

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Original poster

TTC and hubby not interested

20 replies

MixedSignals · 20/01/2023 22:47

We've been TTC for a while now and I have been using an OPK for the past few months.
When high fertility was shown hubby lost all interest.
I would tell him in the morning and he'd make other plans or work late and be too stressed in the evening.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 20/01/2023 22:48

It doesn't seem like he wants a baby right now, what does he say when you ask him why?

Sucessinthenewyear · 20/01/2023 22:48

Maybe he is feeling the stress. OPK is a bit intense after a few months. Maybe just don’t tell him when you a fertile.

Original poster
MixedSignals · 20/01/2023 22:49

He's said he wants a baby but maybe I should go and see a doctor about not getting pregnant so far.

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 20/01/2023 22:51

Scheduled or expected sex, even if for the greater good, is awful. The pressure of it is bad enough as a woman, I can imagine it is worse for men as they are the ones who have to rise to the occasion, so to speak. The idea that all men will never turn down the chance of sex is a myth.

There is also the possibility that he doesn't really want a child (or at least not to the extent that you do - many men can take it or leave it).

RedCarsGoFaster · 20/01/2023 22:55

MixedSignals · 20/01/2023 22:49

He's said he wants a baby but maybe I should go and see a doctor about not getting pregnant so far.

If you're not having sex with your husband, there's literally nothing a GP can or will do.

You need to talk to your husband - clearly he's not on board with getting you pregnant. It could be he doesn't want a child, or it could be too clinical with OPKs etc and it kills his libido. Lots of other possible issues between the extremes as well.

Original poster
MixedSignals · 20/01/2023 23:02

That's what I've said - the Dr would just laugh me out of the office when he asks how regularly we're having sex

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 20/01/2023 23:03

Maybe he wants a baby if it happens and not to have it turn into a Olympic sport

Ask him what he wants

StarsSand · 20/01/2023 23:05

Next month just don't tell him when you have high fertility. It might be too much pressure.

Coffeellama · 20/01/2023 23:05

Does he not want to have sex generally? I understand being put off by opks

Kitkatcatflap · 20/01/2023 23:08

I have been through this .... First few months he was totally up for loads of unprotected sex. Then after a while it becomes less sexy and a bit mechanical especially around the fertile days. If you know he really wants a baby, perhaps it's the knowing he has to preform at a certain time.

rwalker · 20/01/2023 23:10

There’s nothing worse than pressured sex for a baby
you might as well just wank in a glass and give it to her

DestinysGrandchild · 20/01/2023 23:15

Maybe don't tell him about it. It would put me off if I felt like I HAD to at certain times.

piedbeauty · 20/01/2023 23:18

WandaWonder · 20/01/2023 23:03

Maybe he wants a baby if it happens and not to have it turn into a Olympic sport

Ask him what he wants

That's not very fair. What if the op wants a baby 'if and when it happens' too? Who is going to take responsibility for charting, taking temps, etc?!

Coffeellama · 20/01/2023 23:20

piedbeauty · 20/01/2023 23:18

That's not very fair. What if the op wants a baby 'if and when it happens' too? Who is going to take responsibility for charting, taking temps, etc?!

Show quote history

Nobody! If the logic is ‘if it happens it happens’ then absolutely nobody needs to chart! I would not have appreciated my DH taking my temp either or telling me when to do it either that’s just strange

Merlott · 20/01/2023 23:23

Stop telling him then.

Goodness me.

TTC is just unprotected sex. Do that. Hopefully you can enjoy it as well?!

Ponoka7 · 20/01/2023 23:25

Sperm lives for three to five days. Just have lots of sex and you don't need to do anything else. It sounds as though he doesn't want it to become an obsession that destroys your sex life.

Chichimcgee · 20/01/2023 23:27

How long have you been trying? I know it seems for some people to happen immediately but on average it can take a year or more to conceive with no fertility issues. Just try and relax and have sex when you want to

Bobshhh · 20/01/2023 23:29

TTC to conceive when you're tracking is the least sexy most infuriating part of wanting children. I'd cut him a little slack, after several months of being slaves to the smiley face on a clearblue stick my husband and I are so over it, it's made sex something that's a chore rather than enjoyable.

MeinKraft · 20/01/2023 23:36

Like other, I think you should take a step back from the temps and tests and just try to enjoy life whilst having regular sex. Your body will let you know when it's time if you listen to it. Actually it will let you both know, men can become surprisingly attuned to your fertile days.

helloimnew123 · 20/01/2023 23:42

I completely agree with PP, it's not sexy.... BUT you do need to have sex on your most fertile days to get pregnant. It's all well and good saying 'just go with the flow' but if that flow misses ovulation every month, what then?!

And why should you juggle the pressure alone? As if he won't guess when mid month you crack on to him 5 nights in a row 🤔

I would try not to go OTT with the ovulation chat. Give him the nod when you are fertile and you both pull out all the stops to enjoy those days. Some days you might be tired etc. but you both make an effort

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