To get paranoid I've sent someone a Facebook request?

Cherryblossom99 · 2023-01-20T20:19:12+00:00

This is a kind of silly one, but it's really starting to bug me. Lately I keep getting paranoid that I've accidentally sent someone a friend request on Facebook (like someone I dislike or would be inappropriate to add). And then I keep checking their profile to make sure I definitely haven't sent them one. I've tried deleting the app etc to try and stop but the compulsion to check gets too much. Any tips on how to stop this?

LikeTearsInRain · 20/01/2023 20:20

Delete your Facebook account or consult a psychologist for cbt or similar

YouWithoutEnd · 20/01/2023 20:21

I think you need therapy mate.

honeyytoast · 20/01/2023 20:23

OCD

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/01/2023 20:28

Allow yourself to check once but do it 'mindfully' eg talk yourself thru it so you really notice you're doing it. When it's done, say to yourself, "I have checked: I have not sent X a friend request." Then when you go to check again you can tell yourself you've already done it so you don't need to do it again.

Separately, think about why you are doing this. Something is making you anxious. What? Can you do anything about that, that's your actual problem?

whereeverilaymycat · 20/01/2023 20:33

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/01/2023 20:28

Allow yourself to check once but do it 'mindfully' eg talk yourself thru it so you really notice you're doing it. When it's done, say to yourself, "I have checked: I have not sent X a friend request." Then when you go to check again you can tell yourself you've already done it so you don't need to do it again.

Separately, think about why you are doing this. Something is making you anxious. What? Can you do anything about that, that's your actual problem?

Good advice. I have OCD and this is exactly the kind of thing I would do. The checking is a symptom of something else, but CBT has been incredibly helpful for me to recondition my thoughts.
You have my sympathies OP it's an awful cycle to get stuck in. But you can break free of it.

Cheesetoastiesz · 20/01/2023 20:34

Contact a therapist

2ndtimemum2 · 20/01/2023 20:35

You can check your activity log so it shows all the pictures or post you've liked or friend requests its in your settings!

Original poster

Cherryblossom99 · 20/01/2023 20:35

I admit that I do have OCD tendencies so it probably is related to that. It's just so irritating, think I might just delete my account

OP posts:

girlfriend44 · 20/01/2023 20:36

whereeverilaymycat · 20/01/2023 20:33

Good advice. I have OCD and this is exactly the kind of thing I would do. The checking is a symptom of something else, but CBT has been incredibly helpful for me to recondition my thoughts.
You have my sympathies OP it's an awful cycle to get stuck in. But you can break free of it.

Show quote history

What is the checking a symptom of?

UncleQuentinsWife · 20/01/2023 20:38

Cherryblossom99 · 20/01/2023 20:35

I admit that I do have OCD tendencies so it probably is related to that. It's just so irritating, think I might just delete my account

I don't think there is much of a need to admit that!

I agree with checking once mindfully and then telling yourself you have done it already.

Also, would it help to catastrophisise it? What's the worse thing that could happen if you had done that?

Anniegetyourgun · 20/01/2023 20:40

I got creeped out by the number of "you may know these people" etc, some of whom FB had no reason to know I knew and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be in touch with. Then there were a number of news items around what it had been up to with customers' data, and an advert about financial services apparently sent by my DIL who I'm quite sure wouldn't have intended to send me any such thing. I closed my account (apparently they don't close it when you ask them to, they hold it open for x weeks in case you change your mind), deleted the thing from my phone and haven't looked back.

It's evil, I tell you. Handy - but evil.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 20/01/2023 20:45

How about you check and then take a screenshot/photo to look back on if you need to. I have ocd about turning the oven and hobs off I now take a pic before I go to bed to prove to myself I have turned off however I never feel the need to check the pic but stops my getting up 10 times to check

whereeverilaymycat · 20/01/2023 22:18

@girlfriend44 from my own experience, you check to make yourself feel better, from the thoughts that are troubling you.
So it starts with the thoughts. For instance washing your hands is the physical manifestation of the thoughts you're telling yourself around contamination (as an example) and the repercussions of that.
So in this case, the checking is to relieve the worry of making contact with these people. But it's why this is a worry and what the result of making contact would be etc. is what starts it off.
I hope that makes sense. This is my experience and I found CBT helpful as it challenges the thoughts that influence the behaviour.

hadntbeen · 20/01/2023 22:20

That's OCD. I sometimes have it with messages, like suddenly my stomach will drop and I worry that I have messaged someone inappropriate and then deleted my message even though I know I haven't. I used to worry that I'd murdered people and not remembered though, so my OCD is getting slightly better.

Hawkins001 · 20/01/2023 22:21

I deleted more for keeping it on tablet, but then re needed it it's a mix.
as for friend request once you go on the profile you know if it's pending. I'm waiting on a request being accepted, not quite sure it will be, but it's more of a historical intrigue of times gone by, as the main reason for the request.

Whatdoesitmatterif · 20/01/2023 22:23

I have ocd and this sounds veey classic ocd to me.
the more you check the more you'll feel like you need to check- the checking reinforces the idea that you might have added them.
worh Ive you basically have to accept ther you can't know something with 100% certainty- just tell yourself "if I did accidentally add them I could deal with it" it takes away to power behind the thoughts and eventually the need to check

Sux2buthen · 20/01/2023 22:45

I do stuff like this a lot. It's worse when I'm not 100% happy