To be sceptical of what an alcoholic tells me about what their dr says?

[Luckydog7]

Dad is 73, a long time functioning alcoholic who has steadily getting worse particularly in the last 2 years. He live in an East European country so I only speak to him in frequently via phone and so only just found out that he spend 2 month before Christmas with a crippling liver infection that left him bed bound. At one point an ambulance was called as his partner was concerned about a stroke, confused slurring etc, it was the infection, the point being it was quite serious and it was caused by alcohol.

It seemed to be a turning point and he swore off alcohol, hasnt had any for weeks when we last spoke.

He is visiting the UK and other family currently. I've asked my relative how dad is doing and joked them needing to hide the booze only to be told dad is now drinking beer. His consultant told him it was OK but to go easy!!!

I'm....well I'm not surprised at all about the drinking I supposed but can anyone say if his story is likely? Do drs say yes you can still drink after something like that? Surely not right?

He has also hired a car while he is visiting, he's usually so rational about his drinking, only dies it in the evening etc but now I'm concerned about drinking and driving (he usually gets the train)

Oh god sorry for spelling and grammar! Typing fast via phone.

My Grandfather was an alcoholic his whole life and I remember when he was in his 70's, and in very poor health, his Doctor telling us that if he was to stop drinking the withdrawal symptoms would probably kill him. So he said we should let him drink, but try to get him to cut down and drink beer instead of spirits.

Neverbeen , my alci ex never touched spirits.. drunk himself to death on beer in his 50s. Never binged either.. alcoholics are very sensitive to alcohol of course especially ones that had had five years abstinence like he did. The taking up drinking again killed him...

I would be inclined to perhaps believe him. One of my partner's relatives suffered (he's dead now) from alcoholism and in a doctors appointment apparently the doctor told him to carry on drinking, but just not as much. I wouldn't have believed it, except this was told to my partner by another (sober) relative who accompanied him to the appointment and was witness to it. I couldn't believe it when I heard, I didn't think such advice would ever be given out by a doctor.

I would say that IME addicts do lie a lot so he may well be. Although there’s another explanation from the first PP.

Withdrawal nearly killed my relative, the hospital staff seemed fine, almost took it as a given that he was going to drink again upon release. 77 years old. So I can believe it but you don’t have to be ok with it. I’m sure that his drinking has impacted you over the years.

I used to work in a unit with people who had issues from chronic alcohol abuse (mainly Korsakoff).

we used to have sealed plastic wine glasses delivered with the food for some. Stopping entirely would have been very dangerous.

Some alcoholics are told to drink lower percentage drinks like lagers as stopping completely would make them very ill.

Alcoholism is a terrible disease.

Never believe a word an alcoholic tells you. sorry

What a horrible judgemental think to say! All people lie sometimes. I accept addicts are likely to lie about their addiction, but to say never believe a word they say is an awful think to say. I hope you don’t have anyone close to you suffering with addiction!

My DM is an alcoholic and she’s told us her GP told her that stress kills more people than alcohol so if she feels the need to “self-medicate” then she should…

Alcoholics can’t just stop dead, unmanaged alcohol withdrawal is life threatening. They do need to carry on drinking until they can get a place for a managed detox.

They often turn up at A&E demanding a detox when they’ve run out of money or a “helpful” relative has insisted that they get off the drink that exact day. Doesn’t work like that. On demand detoxes don’t exist and the advice is always the same, go home and have a drink, speak to alcohol services and get your name on the list for a managed detox which could take several months.

The only time they’ll get an in-hospital detox is when they’re already in life threatening withdrawal, or they have another health problem requiring admission, such as pancreatitis or liver failure or something unrelated to alcohol.

I wouldn't believe him unless I'd heard it for myself. The alcoholic in my life told all kinds of lies. It's part of an addiction , they spend all their time lying to everyone , including themselves. Anything to get their fix.

Alcoholics should not stop drinking completely overnight, it certainly can kill.

They should cut down, go into a SMART program where they can be referred to admission to a detox residential unit for at least 10 days, during which they will not drink (or smoke) under constant medical supervision.

After that they should continue to attend SMART meetings daily to continue the process.

The OP says “It seemed to be a turning point and he swore off alcohol, hasnt had any for weeks when we last spoke.”
So if he’d not had any for weeks he wasn’t going to suffer withdrawals by carrying on not drinking was he. So I can’t see why a GP would suggest he start again!

@User837463839
Thank you i was going to say exactly this. I understand it's bad to stop suddenly but he was (or at least claimed) to have stopped while he was getting treatment which was for some weeks and then for a couple of weeks afterwards.

Its interesting you mentioned beer specifically as he has never been a big beer drinker. its always been wine with spirit more recently appearing as things escalated so perhaps there is some truth to it.

We have discussed that perhaps there is a cultural difference. The country he lives in, where the consultant was is a very heavy drinking culture so perhaps expectations are different??

TBH im expecting to get a call in the next couple of years that he been found dead. He lives alone most of the time, so nothing to stop him drinking and no-one to call an ambulance if he collapsed.

He can go into shock with the DTs if he comes off spirits suddenly so it is likely that he was told to do this to avoid a stroke.

However as a COA with a father now passed away I’m afraid he will be lying to you about the detail, and he more than likely will go back to the normal tipple at any time. He’ll only tell you what he wants you to know and only things which benefit him depending on whether he is craving attention , sympathy, company or money at the time

@Luckydog7

TBH im expecting to get a call in the next couple of years that he been found dead. He lives alone most of the time, so nothing to stop him drinking and no-one to call an ambulance if he collapsed

interesting that you say that as I also believed the same would happen to my dad all my life. I was always prepared to find him dead ever since I can remember. In the end he got mouth cancer and it was sadly a slow and painful 6 months passing. Stupidly I never would have considered something like this happening as he lived his life with little regard for his personal safety. Please prepare yourself that it might not be as you expect.

Fuck fuck fuck. Been texting my family member who lives in the same country as Dad about all this. He has just been over to Dads house and found whiskey and wine bottles in the recycling. I'm guessing the consultant didn't condone that!

I'm seeing him in the next couple of days, i'm going to have to say something for all the good it will do. What can i say that will have any effect?

sorry, this might not be want you want to hear, but I had a relative who was basically told, drink what you like, its too late to make any difference

@Nimbostratus100

That's awful. I hope it hasn't gone that far as he is travelling and working etc so healthy on the face of it.

He has recently made changes to provisions in his will but he's always been very proactive with will that stuff as he runs a business. That could also be because his latest episode gave him a scare too.

I don't know. He lives alone mostly. This has to come from him, what can we even say?

I’m sorry there probably isn’t much you can say that will make a difference. As a COA you need to make peace with yourself that you can’t change him and it’s not your fault nor responsibility.

you can encourage him to seek help and support him to do so by checking in with him after addiction meetings. You Can share information with him about what alcohol is doing to his body and the risks he is taking. After this it is down to him. You need to keep a focus on your own life and what makes you happy. Make your own life as full as possible and don’t make it all about his addiction. You are entitled to that.

information on NACOAs website may help you

nacoa.org.uk/

When ever it has been brought up in the past he is always in denial. he can give up when ever he wants, he gave up for a week so he CANT be an alcoholic etc etc. Is there a chance he knows it is a problem and is only lying to us but not himself? that would be something at least.

re blaming myself, there not much chance of that as we dont see much of him tbh, i would feel better at least attempting to try something but all his children are middle aged with kids of their own so i hope none of us feel responsible. He has always been too independent for that.

I wonder if there is an issue of pride happening. He as always been the 'successful' one in the family, self taught, self made and wants to keep up the image of a business man. Alcoholism doesn't fit into that self view.

Thanks blubbery, will take a look.

@blubberyboo That's a great link. I've been on here long enough and read enough stories similar to mine that a lot of the advise is already internalised but oof it hit me hard going on that website, made it all too real. Not looking forward to bringing this us.

I've updated my relative where dad is now and they are not the quiet type so may say something too. I've started a group chat to discuss what is happening with the wider family. Perhaps we can do something, even if it just to assuage our own guilt before the inevitable happens.