To tell my DS 15 to get better friends

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DS is shy and quiet 15 year old. He’s recently been excluded from a group of friends he’s known since primary- they basically created a new WhatsApp group and don’t invite him to anything anymore. It’s been completely devastating for him.

Part of me is really angry on his behalf- he’s been having a really difficult time recently with health stuff too & I want to say to him to ‘fuck them’ basically. Who needs people who have treated him badly and that he should use this as a chance to make some new mates. Obviously he’s just devastated at the moment so it’s hard but I think he just needs kinder nicer people in his life!

Yes absolutely. Time to find mates who are more like him.

I’m so sorry for your ds. Has he other interests outside of school to pursue to develop other friendships. Although I understand that doesn’t make school easier. I hope he’s ok. Friendships are so tricky.

He seems to have friends in school but doesn’t feel confident to do stuff with them out of school

Yes he needs to widen his friendship circle which isn’t always easy when friendships have been formed. My son had to do this at a similar age. It’s not nice.

Obviously this whole thing has destroyed his confidence - he thinks no one likes him

Are you sure all the other members of the group know he's been excluded? DD recently found out this had happened within her group. She immediately included the friend and went nuclear at the pair responsible.

@Icedlatteplease yes it seems deliberate to be honest

YANBU, but in practice it’s easier said than done, especially if he is shy/socially awkward starting over will be difficult at 15

Am hoping it might improve when he goes to college next year tbh

College and a part time job has been amazing for my DS17. At school he was excluded from groups and had mental bullying. Had two friends but never saw them out of school. Covid stopped anything even if he been anything anyway

hes been at college since September and hangs out in college with everyone. Not progressed to outside of college yet but I think that’s because of his experience at senior school

at work he’s chatty and when we see his work mates out and about they always fist bump him and stop to chat. They are all over 20. Great group

hang in there. College is great

Honestly, this is so sad. I wish it was easier to make friends after leaving school.

Sometimes people just stay in their school friendship group even when it's toxic for them because society makes it so hard to make new friends.