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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off

14 replies

foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 06:52

I am away this week and have left teen ds at home alone so he could attend school. He has stayed home alone a few times before and is happy with the situation. My ex was planning to pick him up in the morning and bring him to the school bus, as it leaves 20 minutes away from the house. I have just found out that my ex stayed overnight at my house while I am away, without asking me. I am not at all happy with this but don't know how to respond. Any advice?

OP posts:
WatchingGreysAgain · 20/01/2023 06:58

It depends on how old your teen is, 13? 17?

NancyVicious · 20/01/2023 06:59

How old is your son?

i probably wouldn't get too het up about it personally, he probably thought they might fancy a bit of company if they've been alone most of the week. Unless of course he could have just as easily taken him to his own house to stay

subtoprem · 20/01/2023 07:05

Depends on a few factors -
Your reason for being away (necessary work trip or holiday)
How old your son is
Your relationship with your ex
If it's the old family home

Grabbing2023ByTheBalls · 20/01/2023 07:05

Depends how old your son is? And whether he may have been feeling lonely and want some company.

And how far away does your ex live? By that I mean, did it make more sense for him to stay over and already be there than do a long-ish drive early in the morning?

I understand it may feel like an invasion though, in your situation I'd have expected to be asked first.

mycatsanutter · 20/01/2023 07:10

Yea he should have asked , was he then hanging around your horse in the day , going back to his or going to work ?

Original poster
foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 07:22

He is 16. Loves his own company. Not the family home. Ex doesn't work. I reckon his motivation was to avoid travelling in the early morning to get him to the school bus. I hadn't asked him to take ds to the bus, he decided to do it.

OP posts:
Cather1ne · 20/01/2023 07:24

Wow, really rude to invade your space like that. I would’ve been furious.
It also sounds like your son didn’t invite him to stay?

Original poster
foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 07:26

It's confusing as I do say to ex that he's always welcome but he then rants loads about how he can't stand going to mine and never will etc. When I suggested he call in to ds during the week he tried to get his mother to throw me out (he lives with her) as he was furious with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 08:09

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this with ex when I next see him it would be much appreciated. I will probably end up blowing up at him!

OP posts:
randomchap · 20/01/2023 08:12

If you've said he's always welcome maybe he's taken that at face value.

Have a conversation with him about boundaries etc and come up with a solution for contact with DC that works for all 3 of you.

GotAnyGrapez · 20/01/2023 08:19

Maybe he thought a week was a long time for a 16 year old to be on there own so thought he'd keep him company one evening? I'd do the same I'd

Original poster
foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 09:19

GotAnyGrapez · 20/01/2023 08:19

Maybe he thought a week was a long time for a 16 year old to be on there own so thought he'd keep him company one evening? I'd do the same I'd

I suppose its that he didn't ask or even let me know

OP posts:
Original poster
foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 09:20

GotAnyGrapez · 20/01/2023 08:19

Maybe he thought a week was a long time for a 16 year old to be on there own so thought he'd keep him company one evening? I'd do the same I'd

I am only away 4 nights

OP posts:
Original poster
foldablefarm · 20/01/2023 09:22

randomchap · 20/01/2023 08:12

If you've said he's always welcome maybe he's taken that at face value.

Have a conversation with him about boundaries etc and come up with a solution for contact with DC that works for all 3 of you.

Yes, perhaps I needed to make it clear that I need to be chatted to about it though, rather than staying over when I'm away and without consulting with me

OP posts:
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