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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery WWYD

23 replies

CoalCraft · 20/01/2023 06:10

Sorry, not really an aibu but I wanted the voting option.

I have a 2yo DD who currently attends a really lovely nursery full-time. It's about 35 mins from home (45 in a bad traffic day) but literally next door to where DH and I both work, which has been great if she's needed picking up pronto due to illness. She's been going there since she was nine months (though not always full time) and is very happy there. The nursery take children up to reception age.

We live an easy <10 min walk from a really good primary school that has its own nursery, but council nursery provision is only three hours a day. The school has a breakfast and after school club, but these don't become available until reception. Opposite the school is a small nursery located in the village hall. They do wrap-around care for the school nursery, including walk overs.

So we have two options:

"YABU" - leave DD in the nursery she loves and start her at school in reception, where she'll be able to stay on one site all day.

"YANBU" - Start DD at school in nursery, making use of the wraparound care offered in village hall.

On the surface the former seems the obvious choice. She'd only have to get used to one new setting and she wouldn't spend a year being awkwardly walked back and forth twice a day. BUT DH and I both started at primary school and for both of us our experience was that we made friends there that lasted us through the rest of primary school. We're concerned that if DD joins in reception friendship groups will already be established and she may struggle.

Thoughts?? I'm feeling really torn.

OP posts:
yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 06:17

At that age the friendship groups aren't really formed. She'll be fine starting in reception

Surfsenior · 20/01/2023 06:19

Nah I’d just stick with your current nursery. It won’t make any difference to your dc chance of making friends. Reception teachers are great at blending kids who know each other from preschool with the new joiners.

My dd is 12 and bff with three girls, the first she met in her first two weeks of Reception (although they are now at different secondary schools); the second she met in Y1 (classes were mixed around); and the third joined her school in Y4. She has also now met 2 girls in secondary school she loves to bits.

TBH my dd’s bffs at primary were the kids who got stuck in the after school club til 6pm! Bonded by their collective lack of parental care 😂

MolesOnPoles · 20/01/2023 06:19

I say reception too. I really don’t think that it will harm friendships if she starts at 4, and it would be a shame to leave a setting where she’s settled and which works for you.

Persipan · 20/01/2023 06:20

Consider also whether the school nursery setup covers school holidays... they often don't.

Original poster
CoalCraft · 20/01/2023 06:21

yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 06:17

At that age the friendship groups aren't really formed. She'll be fine starting in reception

Thank you, that's encouraging. I guess what's giving us pause is that for both DH and I nursery was where we formed a lasting friendship group, but perhaps we were unusual.

I was thinking that there'll likely be another big intake at reception, not like she'll be the only new starter.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 20/01/2023 06:21

Stick with your current nursery. Friendship groups are not formed forever at age 3!

Original poster
CoalCraft · 20/01/2023 06:22

Thanks all, this is very encouraging!

OP posts:
Original poster
CoalCraft · 20/01/2023 06:24

Persipan · 20/01/2023 06:20

Consider also whether the school nursery setup covers school holidays... they often don't.

That's a good point - the school nursery is closed for holidays but the village hall setting is open so I suppose we'd rely on that if going for the school option.

OP posts:
Hesma · 20/01/2023 06:26

My daughters went to the school nursery because it worked for us but it honestly made no long term difference and if you asked me now I wouldn’t remember which kids were and weren’t there. Leave her where she is if she’s happy.

yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 06:29

CoalCraft · 20/01/2023 06:21

Thank you, that's encouraging. I guess what's giving us pause is that for both DH and I nursery was where we formed a lasting friendship group, but perhaps we were unusual.

I was thinking that there'll likely be another big intake at reception, not like she'll be the only new starter.

Show quote history

But did you form that lasting relationship in those nursery years? Or was it actually formed as you grew older if you see what I mean?

homeishere · 20/01/2023 06:31

I’m a KS1 teacher. At that age children tend to play alongside each other rather than with each other. Your child will be fine starting in Reception, where there will also be a larger intake of just those attending the school’s limited nursery.

Relax about it all, and let your child continue in the setting she knows and feels safe in.

Har246 · 20/01/2023 07:14

Similar predicament! I have a sense of guilt if I don’t send him to nursery school but the practicalities around work makes it so difficult. I will most likely leave him in the day nursery

Fleabigg · 20/01/2023 07:16

DD started at a primary school where about half the class had been to the school nursery (she was one of the ones who hadn’t). They’re already all mixed up together after one term, friendships from nursery haven’t necessarily remained and her “best” friend is one who had been at the school nursery. Friendships change quickly at this age.

SophieLaGeroff · 20/01/2023 07:18

I don't have any friends from primary.

I've moved mine to a nursery they can walk to and it's massively easier, but if the one near your work is better for you just stick with that.

MinnieMountain · 20/01/2023 07:23

My DS went to a nursery school. It used to be oversubscribed with morning and afternoon sessions, now they’ve dropped it to one a day as it doesn’t work as childcare for most people.

BlueSuffragette · 20/01/2023 07:35

Start her in reception OP she'll be fine.

BendingSpoons · 20/01/2023 07:39

My DD went to school nursery. They mixed them up for Reception so in her Reception class there were 6 from her nursery class. So she still didn't know the majority. She made new friends.

Twizbe · 20/01/2023 07:51

Start her in reception. She'll be fine.

My son was a selective mute as a young child. We picked a primary school that was tiny on purpose for this.

He started fresh in reception knowing no one. He's done amazingly well. No longer suffering with SM. Has loads of friends, learning lots.

Even though some kids had come from the nursery or the same preschools, it wasn't everyone.

Emmacb82 · 20/01/2023 07:52

My ds went to nursery near where I worked right up till reception, he’s had no problems finding friends etc. Its far too young to worry about friendship groups at that age. Let her stay in the nursery she has already settled in, it makes life easier for you at work and picking her up etc. She will be fine.

Cric · 20/01/2023 07:55

Keep her in the nursery. I say this as experience from my own and an experienced reception teacher

DappledThings · 20/01/2023 07:58

Both DC went to a nursery 20 minutes as it was attached to DH's work. Both started Reception in the village school where about half the children had been in the village pre-school together and knew each other. Made no difference to them settling in and making friends.

Original poster
CoalCraft · 20/01/2023 08:02

Thanks all, sounds pretty unanimous. Am glad those who started their kids in reception didn't encounter issues, definitely leaning that way now.

OP posts:
SchoolTripDrama · 20/01/2023 11:24

Kids make fast friends just playing at soft play! Try not to worry or over think it. Do whatever you need to, she'll be fine Flowers

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