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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell brother he has sent me the same present twice?

25 replies

TabbyM · 19/01/2023 23:28

Today I received a belated festive gift from my brother overseas. Unfortunately it was a book he had already given me in 2021. DH thinks I should suck it up but I’m a bit peeved that I put effort into sending his family gifts and it not reciprocated. Also he knows fine that I have a wish list exactly to avoid getting duplicates as I sent it a few months ago before our birthdays, I’d be happy with a book token!

I may be slightly sensitive as I received precisely one Christmas present this year!

Should I have told him?

OP posts:
1vandal2 · 19/01/2023 23:32

He is your brother not an aquaintance. I'd say something myself

rwalker · 19/01/2023 23:32

Suck it up or just stop presents if the effort he’s putting in you don’t seem enough

frazzledasarock · 19/01/2023 23:33

Regift it to him.

stop doing gifts if it’s just bringing you angst.

DaVariance · 19/01/2023 23:35

Maybe someone sent it on his behalf ie his wife or girlfriend

DaVariance · 19/01/2023 23:37

I'm surprised you haven't called him and ripped the piss out of him and a good laugh about it and moved on to chatting about more interesting things

alibongo5 · 19/01/2023 23:37

My sister gave me the same present a few years apart, coincidentally also a book - 1001 wines you must try before you die. I like wine but the book didn't cover "red wines on special offer in Lidl" so it was pretty irrelevant to me the first time, let alone the second time! It never occurred to me to point this out to her.

But maybe stop making too much effort on presents the other way!

iyzzz · 19/01/2023 23:38

I think it would be incredibly rude to mention it. It's the type of mix-up that could happen to anyone. It's probably a book he thinks you'd like and he's just forgotten he's already given it. He's taken the time to choose and send something to you - I think that's actually more thoughtful than an Amazon voucher sent on time.

Even if it is a pattern of behaviour of him being less caring/not making an effort - how is mentioning this specific example going to improve things? It just makes you look petty IMO - instead, you should figure out a way to raise the issue if you want to improve your relationship, or disengage if you don't and start putting less time and effort into his gifts so you don't feel frustrated by the imbalance.

WhiteFire · 19/01/2023 23:39

DaVariance · 19/01/2023 23:37

I'm surprised you haven't called him and ripped the piss out of him and a good laugh about it and moved on to chatting about more interesting things

Yeah, this. Either about his true ability to know what you like, or about his appalling memory. Or even both.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/01/2023 23:39

I'm not surprised your DH thinks you should suck it up, if he didn't actually give you any present at all. At least your brother (nominally) made a little bit of an effort.

BliainNua · 19/01/2023 23:45

Send it back to him for his birthday or Christmas this year.

Kokeshi123 · 19/01/2023 23:52

I think it's a bit crap that your parents/dad got you nothing, unless you have a no-gift pact. I am not a gift person, but even I get something from my parents and vice versa. Wasn't your dad a bit embarrassed about that fact when you mentioned it to him?

Your bro did at least make an effort. I wouldn't say anything.

Pinkbananas01 · 19/01/2023 23:55

Just tell him he's probably forgotten what he bought last time. Last Xmas I bought my dad a couple of books, he opened them & said looking confused but they're the same! Haha its so good I bought it twice says me, gave us a laugh & easily changed. (In my defence bought at different times & I was being unusually organised with wrapping as I went although not enough to list what I'd bought clearly! )
It's not the end of the world.

WeAreAllLionesses · 19/01/2023 23:57

Oh God. We did exactly this by complete accident.

Honestly, it was nothing to do with anything more than we liked the book so much for him we bought it two years running, having totally forgotten we'd already bought it.

Luckily they seemed quite amused!

Beeinmybonnets · 19/01/2023 23:57

"Haha silly DB you gave me the same book last year!" then as a joke get him the same as last year for his next birthday

Catnary · 20/01/2023 00:02

Is it a good book? Did you read it last time round? That would be something at least, in that it shows he does know you well. If it were my brother I’d tell him, but we have a fairly robust relationship with a lot of piss-taking.

namechangeforthisbleep · 20/01/2023 00:07

Kokeshi123 · 19/01/2023 23:52

I think it's a bit crap that your parents/dad got you nothing, unless you have a no-gift pact. I am not a gift person, but even I get something from my parents and vice versa. Wasn't your dad a bit embarrassed about that fact when you mentioned it to him?

Your bro did at least make an effort. I wouldn't say anything.

I can't work out if you got mixed up or if you think this is all down to her dad?

CuntyChopss · 20/01/2023 00:09

You send a list around to your family? Ridiculous. You’re not a child.

HaddawayAndShite · 20/01/2023 00:11

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/01/2023 23:39

I'm not surprised your DH thinks you should suck it up, if he didn't actually give you any present at all. At least your brother (nominally) made a little bit of an effort.

Where does it say her husband didn’t get her W gift? It says
DH thinks I should suck it up but I’m a bit peeved that I put effort into sending his family gifts and it not reciprocated.
His in this context is her brother and I’m the “effort” isn’t reciprocated. Unless I’m missing something

HaddawayAndShite · 20/01/2023 00:12

Fucking spelling mistakes. My phone screen os cracked right across the keyboard / text box makes it difficult to see what the hell om doing

HeddaGarbled · 20/01/2023 00:13

Don’t say anything to your brother.

Don’t buy him or his family any presents next year.

Why do you have a wish list if no one except your brother buys you presents?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/01/2023 00:14

Amazon are brilliant for this. They tell you if you've bought something before and you can check who you sent it to make sure not same person.

iyzzz · 20/01/2023 00:14

She says she's sensitive because she received one gift this year - I assume that gift is the book from her DB (in which case we can assume DH didn't get her anything). I suppose it could be one gift plus the book.

postitpatty · 20/01/2023 00:15

DaVariance · 19/01/2023 23:37

I'm surprised you haven't called him and ripped the piss out of him and a good laugh about it and moved on to chatting about more interesting things

This.

It's your brother. Phone him and take the piss out of him for being a forgetful idiot! If it was my brother he would then get it again next year for me as a complete piss take! 😆

Catnary · 20/01/2023 00:22

Thinking about it, if he gave you a book last year but you never told him what you thought of it, that was bit rude anyway. If you had done that he would probably have remembered the conversation.

JudgeRudy · 20/01/2023 00:31

This happened to me also, with a book......except I was the sender! When l saw it I thought X would love that....they did. It was Xmas and as usual I had several gifts to sort and I'm not that organised....6 months later lm browsing on Amazon and come across it again and think Well blow me, there's that book again....bet X would love that for birthday...
It's a kind of a joke now. Sometimes if I ask what theyd like (to drink, eat, do) they will just say the book title. Also if somethings really nice theyll say what, as good as book?
Tell them. It'll be funny. Send a pic of yourself with 2 sets of glasses on reading them both.

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