AIBU to think you don't ask women if they are pregnant

[Wellfedandfedup]

I know this might come across as precious but it's more of an awareness post. I've been guilty of asking invasive questions in the past too, it wasn't until I had struggles with conceiving my second that I realised.

I've been asked twice in the space of a few months if I'm pregnant. I'm nearly overweight according to BMI, carry weight on tummy and breasts anyway and also have a fibroid. Both times were in front of other people. I've laughed it off but it's embarrassing and invasive. So please if you think a woman is pregnant, don't risk asking. Don't draw attention to us and force us to talk about our bodies. She may have even suffered a recent loss which she is keeping private. I know people mean well most of the time but what seems like an innocent question can actually really hurt.

I guess I'd better work harder at losing the baby weight too from DC2. It's hard for me as I always was thin and it's not coming off easily this time.

You’re not being unreasonable

My mum actually told me a story the other day that someone in public asked her when is the baby due? She was 3 months postpartum at this point and struggling with body image.

I am currently 6 months pregnant but when I was 4 months someone let me in front of them at the toilet queue in shopping centre “as I was pregnant” I thought it was kind of her and was chuffed someone noticed my bump, but then when I told a couple of my friends afterwards they said it was a bit awkward as I might of not been pregnant.

I also always see comments on social media of people commenting on celebs posts “are you pregnant?!” just because they’ve put a bit of weight on.

Yanbu

You're quite right - never EVER ask a woman if she is pregnant, or is planning to be, or has ever been. You have no idea what level of pain you might be intruding on

You’re not previous at all. It’s completely unnecessary and hurtful. I usually find it’s people who are trying to claim they knew you were pregnant or just good old ignorance.

Definitely not, It's far too intrusive a question to ask.

You are so right
ive been asked this when just carrying extra weight

ive been asked this when I was about 4 months postpartum, after a job interview, when I said I was on mat leave, a man thought I was about to have the baby 🙄

I was most recently on the tube and offered a seat by a man who thought I was pregnant. I felt like I’d earned it 🤪

if it was in private, it'd be easier to brush off but all times have been in group situations!

YANBU!!

You say “You’re looking well” and wait for them to tell you. Even if they have a 9 month belly and are in the early stages of labour 😂

with my most recent pregnancy a school mum didn’t comment, and when I mentioned it, she said she would never assume or say anything about pregnancy. And I was about 8 months at that stage.
I think everyone should take a leaf out of her book

I made this mistake in my youth. It was a lesson learned😬

I never ask either even if it's patently obvious. Just in case! The other "joy" in pregnancy was people feeling free to exclaim "wow! You're enormous!"

It’s dreadful, right?
if only everyone could be taught this is never a topic to mention unless the woman mentions it herself!

Family member of mine commented on a waitress we had at dinner a few months ago. Luckily she was pregnant but when I pulled them up on it afterwards they were all offended ‘you could tell!!’ 🤦‍♀️ I did try and explain but it fell on deaf ears. I never comment

Completely agree, I’ve been asked this after suffering a massive mental health breakdown and putting on 4 stone due to medication… I will never ever forget. It’s incredibly hurtful.

It's SO inappropriate.

I was asked a few months ago by one of my colleagues at 2am on a night shift in the middle on a busy office. You'd think staff on a maternity unit might engage their brain and not ask women if they are pregnant but sadly not in this case. I didn't just laugh it off though I outwardly told her it was rude. My daughter has just turned 3 and atleast once a week I'm asked when I'm going to have another one, then comes the comments of 'you don't want an only child', 'you don't want a big age gap' blah blah blah Drives me insane.

Oprah once said - don’t say it unless you can see it [the baby]. Advice that has served me well. I will not comment even if the woman looks 10 months pregnant, unless she mentions it first or is wearing a baby on board badge.

It's a really ill-advised thing to do. I'm at the point where I won't assume anyone is pregnant ever and have even failed to offer my seat to someone I suspected was pregnant but couldn't be sure. Only if they make it obvious will I offer my seat. I will not risk standing in front of someone I've accused of being pregnant who isn't.

Yanbu op.

I once had to comfort a friend at the school gates when another mum had thoughtlessly and stupidly said something to her, assuming she was pregnant.

My friend had put on some weight, she had also been trying and unable to get pregnant again for months. She was in tears in public, it was horrible.

On the flipside I have had a few instances of seeing women with 'baby on board' badges when I'd never in a million years have thought they were pregnant, usually because they look much older than you'd expect a pregnant woman to be. So the badges can be helpful in terms of stopping you saying anything tactless along those lines ("but you look far too old!" Etc)

YANBU.

I got asked this a lot by random school mums when I was secretly having failed IVF, it was very upsetting.

It is NEVER ok to ask this question unless in a medical context.

I have endometriosis which can cause severe bloating. On numerous occasions I've had people ask me if I'm pregnant when I'm just having a particularly bad flare up. It's been quite upsetting. On one occasion I was at a house party and with a large gin in my hand. I was doubly offended as the person asking must have thought that not only was I pregnant but pretty irresponsible to be drinking that much too!

@Vallmo47 and @Justdontask I'm sorry for your health struggles.😞

I'm sorry. I can empathise as I've been asked if I'll have another while going a miscarriage.

*through

I would never ask someone if they were pregnant because so many people get upset if they're not.

However, I've been asked 3 times in the past when I wasn't pregnant (I was slim with a pot belly) and it didn't bother me at all.

At the end of the day I did look pregnant so I can understand why they asked.

People ask me all the damn time. I'm not