Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Self love comes second!

39 replies

blondein · 19/01/2023 15:47

Been with OH a couple of years

I have a high sex drive, his isn't as much.

It's been a month since he touched me sexually, however I have given him plenty!

He hasn't been in the mood for a week. He was about to pleasure himself but I came home early. So he said he waited for me and then I did something...

Problem is, when he masturbates it makes him want sex less often, and if it's recent, he isn't as interested if we do actually have sex!

AIBU that he should prioritise sex over masturbating?

In the last 3 months he has touched me maybe 3 times... he takes but never gives and I'm getting fed up. For example and this might be TMI but I mostly initiate things. In an average month we might have sex a few times (very quick and I won't get any foreplay or any orgasm!) and the rest of the time he gets blowjobs or handjobs but I get nothing. At all.

He's literally never asked to see me naked or got me naked... never touched my boobs... the first time was literally 4 months ago (after me nagging) and we've been together 2 years. He just doesn't seem interested at all. He says he finds me attractive and wants me but doesn't show that... he literally wants it from behind with my clothes on, or he'll
Go on top with my clothes on...won't touch me...

And if I ask for foreplay it puts him off cos he's lazy and would rather just do what he wants...

We have a no porn rule for this reason (and many others, he makes me feel like crap)

I've begged this man to stop being so selfish and I've stopped initiating stuff, all that happens then is we have a week or more wheee nothing happens, then cos it's been a while he wants me; but it's over with in seconds because it's been a while.

Starting to think he doesn't like me... but it's been this way since we met.

OP posts:

RayaRyder · 19/01/2023 17:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

blondein · 19/01/2023 19:43

We both agreed on no porn, it wasn't me telling him. It was a discussion. Porn is my boundary and he can choose to cross that, which would mean I can choose to end the relationship.

As for masturbating... I'm not saying he shouldn't. I'm just saying we don't have a sex life so him masturbating makes it worse - he needs to cut down on it.

But I also agree, this is no way for me to live

He's told me many times I'm not his type. I'm blonde and curvy and boobs. He likes skinny brunettes with ass. He likes the emo type, I'm more of the girly type. He swears he's attracted to me but it doesn't show.

OP posts:

RayaRyder · 19/01/2023 19:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LaLuz7 · 19/01/2023 20:28

Are you married?

Do you own a house together?

Do you have kids?

If none of the above, consider yourself lucky, make a clean break and put both of you our of this misery.

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 20:32

I’d end things. It sounds awful. I’m in a new relationship and getting naked and enjoying each other bodies is the best thing about it. I certainly wouldn’t be pleasuring him at all if he’s not returning it. That’s the one thing I like most about my new bf is that’s he’s not a selfish lover at all, which is new for me as I’m used to men like this one who want to receive and never return the favour. End it and find someone who wants to enjoy sex

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 20:33

He tells you that you’re not his type too and doesn’t want to have sex with you? Why are you with this guy?

Shoxfordian · 19/01/2023 20:36

Why are you even with someone who doesn’t fancy you or want to have sex with you? You’re wasting your time here

housemaus · 19/01/2023 20:37

He doesn't fancy you, says you're not his type, and doesn't care about your enjoyment at all... why have you spent 2 years with him?

KittyCatChat · 19/01/2023 20:38

Just get out of this awful relationship.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2023 20:41

He's shit in bed, selfish and doesn't care.

Dump him flat. Why haven't you?

Reclining · 19/01/2023 20:42

Is he gay?

notforonesecond · 19/01/2023 20:57

I mean, whatever feelings he does have for you are whatever they are.

But he doesn’t fancy you and when he does manage to find in it in himself to let you suck him off he doesn’t return the favour.

You can’t stay with this guy.

You can’t possibly think that he might suddenly have a change of heart and rip your clothes off 3 times a week in a burst of passion.

Bin him off and find someone who knows what they’re doing!

EarringsandLipstick · 19/01/2023 21:02

This is so deeply depressing. That you've put up with such degrading behaviour (no affection or sexual interest, no foreplay or orgasm, brief sex with your clothes on from behind, with no emotion ... it's about the worst I've heard)

He's even told you to your face he doesn't find your characteristics attractive.

He's awful. But why on earth have you tolerated it for 2 years?

Mardyface · 20/01/2023 08:31

blondein · 19/01/2023 19:43

We both agreed on no porn, it wasn't me telling him. It was a discussion. Porn is my boundary and he can choose to cross that, which would mean I can choose to end the relationship.

As for masturbating... I'm not saying he shouldn't. I'm just saying we don't have a sex life so him masturbating makes it worse - he needs to cut down on it.

But I also agree, this is no way for me to live

The more you share the more unpleasant this man sounds. As if women come in pre-formed 'types' and you choose one off the shelf to suck your cock for you. What's your type OP? Is it him?

This is nothing to do with some secret rule of attraction. To be crude, if his cock gets hard he's attracted to you. He just doesn't think women need sexual pleasure or if he does that's even worse because he can't be arsed to do it! Apart from the lack of sex this relationship is going to trash your self image. Get out.

Flip

1 2