AIBU to ask if you've ever removed your child from nursery in favour of a childminder and your reasons?

[Gurrrrr]

Currently thinking about doing this for my son who just isn't settling very well. He's upset every morning going to nursery, apparently angry whilst there and is refusing to nap. He used to love it but I think due to ever changing 'key workers' he's just feeling more and more unsettled and overwhelmed and I think he'd benefit from a smaller group / one caregiver instead of several.

Any positive stories? What have you found the benefits of a childminder over nursery?

Aren't your reasons for removing him enough?

What do the nursery say?

Definitely try a CM. He'll get more one to one and be able to build a relationship with 1 person.

Yes I did.
best thing I ever did and my second and third child went straight to CM.

Nursery was rubbish, mainly 18 years olds, DS was overlooked, the closeness and attachment wasn't there like it is with a childminder.

Im not a fan of nurseries.

Thanks. Have you found it difficult with things like potential time off when they are ill/on holiday?

Yes, I'm just interested in discussing it with people who've already done it.

Yes. I did. Lots of reasons but none of them because I was unhappy with the nursery.

DD was at the same nursery as DS but when he started school he went to the childminder for wrap around and I wanted them to go together. DD was in both settings as childminder didn’t have availability initially and then finally switched over completely at the start of lockdown as I needed bulletproof childcare during the early stages of the pandemic.

Best decision I ever made - she thrived in the smaller setting, loved the family environment and liked the challenge of being one of the ‘older’ ones last year. Her best friends are still the ones from the childminder even though they’re all in different years. And our childminder has become more like an extra grandparent than a key worker at a nursery could ever be - the consistency of the care has just worked for all of us.

Oh and the ill thing - most CMs don’t get paid when they’re ill so they mainly plough on through. And they’re often better at taking the slightly under the weather but not truly sick child than a nursery would. Ours has shut once (for Covid) in 3 years.

Yes for a child who just did not settle at nursery. Move to childminder was so positive - lots more focussed attention in a lovely family environment & excellent communication. Did need to plan round childminders holidays but plenty of notice given and grandparents stepped in. Moved to school nursery for 12 months before starting full time education and this worked well too.

Thank you, it's great to hear the positive stories! I'm going to have a look around tonight.

A few I've looked at briefly the last few days seem to have dogs, which is just immediately putting me off those (I have a dog myself so nothing against them!) But I just don't think I'd be comfortable if they did. Anyone else have a no dog rule?

Yes, we did. My little guy started creche at about 13 months but by 15 months still hadn't settled. Wouldn't eat or drink or nap while there, crying a lot at drop off, and the staff were very inflexible and not willing to work with us to solve the problems, wouldn't allow us to provide food from home for him (may have been COVID rules, can't remember) but also wouldn't look into adapting his meals to things he would eat (he has sensory food issues). And their attitude was we can't hold him and comfort him all day because there are so many other children too. So I think he was left to cry for long stretches.
Moved to childminder and within a week he was running in by himself, no tears and hasn't looked back. He's now 3. She let us stay with him for short periods over the first week to settle him and then leave so he could see we trusted her. And she let him nap in the buggy as he wouldn't nap in the cot. We could then also provide food from home so he has always eaten for her. Just overall much more able and willing to adapt to his needs.
We originally went with a creche as we thought of the tighter health and safety regulations but his mental health was not considered by creche.
Child minder isn't as up to speed with health and safety though but overall we are so happy with her. Issues have been putting child in car seat with coat on and letting child sleep in car once home in warm weather. But no issues with changing what she was doing once we raised the concerns to her.
Hope that helps.

Yes I did reject one that had 3 big dogs. Current CM has a menagerie of small animals which they all adore.

Also to add, I love that with the childminder he gets to experience more of the community as they're out and about to the shops and the playground and school pick ups for the other kids so it's a lot more varied than a full day of creche in the one setting.

Yep, recently change to a childminder because he broke his 2 front teeth at nursery and they didn't notice.

Oops forgot to say the cm has 2 dogs, they're lovely and gentle and my son adores them. I'm a dog lover though so it really doesn't bother me.

They go on lots of outings with the cm. He calls her nanny 🤣 he's only been there 4 weeks. I just got a good feeling when I met her.

I absolutely love dogs too (have one ourselves who's just gorgeous and so gentle) but I don't know... It just makes me a bit uncomfortable so I think it would just be best for me to avoid those with dogs.

No CMS round here had availability. I was very lucky to find ours, she is highly recommended. The dogs wouldn't have put me off though if there had been other choices of cm.

I'm also wondering if a CM would be better to suited in terms of his behaviour as well. He's started lashing out and being defensive a bit like pushing other children away if they get close to him / hitting if another child tries to take a toy etc.. I know these are common behaviours but it worries me that they are being sort of heightened at nursery because there are just so many children to contend with and the staff don't have the time to effectively deal with it.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I met them and they seemed perfect. For now, I'd like to avoid dogs if I can.

My cm has a dog but it is mostly kept away from the children. I rarely see it unless I pop round out of hours. It's worth considering which school they do pick up and drop off for future wraparound care. Also ask around locally for word of mouth recommendations. My cm is well known and respected in the local community. All the teachers at school know her too!

DC1 went to cm but was ready for nursery by the time dc2 started so we put them both in nursery. Dc2 hated it and was miserable. Not moving him to a CM is my biggest parenting regret (although he’s fine now, no lasting harm). He never settled there really. DC3 is at CM and will be until she’s ready for preschool. I think it’s just a much better, more homely and emotionally secure environment for little ones.

Current CM has a small dog, 3 cats and a hamster. We have no concerns because we trust her judgement.

It was just the right time - nursery was great for the younger years for mine but they didn't have the programme that a good childminder did when they were old enough to enjoy being out and about.

The general consensus between friends with preschoolers is that nurseries are far more reliable. Often childminders cancel sessions (sometimes last minute) due to illness, holidays etc and then you're left with no childcare, whereas with a nursery you generally know when they'll be shut in advance. There's also no guarantee a childminder will be able to put your child down for a nap either. If I were you I'd just switch nurseries.

Napping in a noisy nursery is much harder!

OP I've had three different childminders (3 kids) and all three have been reliable and never had issues with putting the kids down for a nap.

Hi @Gurrrrr is there a reason why you aren’t switching nurseries rather than considering switching to a childminder? You must have “preferred” the idea of a nursery over CM originally if that’s the route you went down. It’s quite difficult to get advice as parents are often firmly in one camp.

How old is your child? I am in the nursery camp but only because evidence was overwhelmingly in favour of pre-school age children being in a nursery settting rather than CM, so wanted to keep him in a nursery to save moving about. I much prefer the idea of them having several adults to interact with a day and always being around children their own age, like school, rather than lots of children with different needs. I know you didn’t ask for this but there would have been a reason why you chose nursery in the first place! They might just be unsettled there rather than needing a CM!

Main reason for considering CM now over nursery is I'm wondering if he is now more suited to a smaller group and the potential for more focused attention with there not being as many children. And the fact there is one sole caregiver who doesn't change rather than many/changing rooms etc..

@Gurrrrr hmmm that’s bad of your nursery - ours change once a year, like a teacher. They change rooms in the same way they change classrooms. One might argue they don’t need that when a bit younger though. You mentioned lashing out, Oddly I’ve had friends moved children from a CM to a nursery when they started showing these traits, I don’t think they tend to with more children around.
ultimately no one knows your child’s needs better than you, these forums can be tricky as you’ll get people’s experiences and views but they almost mean nothing as all children are different -
a great move for one isn’t good for another