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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and childcare

19 replies

Popsicle102 · 19/01/2023 10:40

Me and my husband have 3 children, he is self employed. I'm a SAHM so I have no problem doing all the childcare pick ups etc.

I just need to vent. I told my husband yesterday in August for 2 days he will need to take our son to pre school and pick him up. He can be in from 8-5 if he needs to at pre school and my husband kicked up a fuss that he won't be able to as he has work.

He doesnt see where I'm coming from that he's being unreasonable. I've given him 7 months notice that only on 2 days he will need to do this whilst I do a volunteering camp holiday and taking my other 2 older children. He knew I was going as he originally said he would go with our son to his parents but he changed his mind apparently

He hasn't even booked work in that far in advance so he doesn't have to change his diary either.

AIBU that 7 months notice to do the drop off for 2 days.

I'm just fed up with running around doing everything and he can't commit to 2 days that far in advance

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 19/01/2023 10:42

YANBU at all, he's being totally ridiculous.

Hiimblahblah · 19/01/2023 10:42

Does your DH think you’re the only one who has to take care of the children? Surely you’re both allowed a life outside of work and kids?

Hadalifeonce · 19/01/2023 11:28

Suggest to h that if he doesn't do this, he will end up having to look after your DC for those 2 days

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 19/01/2023 11:30

Are the older children his?

I just wondered if that was part of what was behind his reaction

He should still get over himself and do it, I just wondered

Original poster
Popsicle102 · 19/01/2023 12:18

All 3 are his, the older 2 are old enough to come with me. He's just always been like this with work and doesn't seem to understand childcare needs to come from both of us sometimes, not just me. So frustrating

OP posts:
rosegoldivy · 19/01/2023 12:20

Suggest he take the two days off on annual leave if it will make him late?

My DH can be like this sometimes as well except he doesn't understand that I also have to work as well as drop offs and pick ups and just swans off in the morning so hes not "late". Does my tits in too sometimes

SkankingWombat · 19/01/2023 12:34

Of course YANBU, however how you get him to understand that, I don't know...

Joke suggestion (kind of): remind him that if you were to get divorced, chances are he'd be doing a lot more than 2 days a year of nursery drop offs.

'My husband is a neanderthal, and even after hitting him over the head with a club, he still doesn't get it. Luckily, we have a bit of spare cash to throw at the problem' suggestion: hire an emergency nanny for the 2 days. Ideally coming from his share of 'fun money'.

Bellsbeachwaves · 19/01/2023 12:41

Hire childcare.

Consider going back to work and then divorce.

Red flag.

yousmellnice · 19/01/2023 13:10

Oh my goodness that's awful! So so awful. Where do these men come from?

underneaththeash · 19/01/2023 13:11

Just tell him you’re going anyway.

Sleepless1096 · 19/01/2023 13:29

Tell him, ok, you'll get a nanny to cover it - can he transfer £££ asap (or book from joint account)? If he wants to outsource this, he'll need to pay like everyone else does.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/01/2023 13:33

Unless he is a surgeon, he is being utterly ridiculous.

It'll be because he doesn't want to ask. Pathetic.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2023 13:57

As how he'll cope with 50/50 custody if you divorce him 😒

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/01/2023 14:13

That’s ridiculous. Unless he’s a surgeon or something (which I think you’d probably have mentioned) surely he can manage nursery runs for a very long nursery day?

Most of us work and manage those sort of timescales every day.

Is he not able to just block those times out in a calendar, if an office job. Or if not take annual leave and spend some time with his child - sounds like it would beneficial to them both

Naunet · 19/01/2023 15:06

He shouldn’t have had kids if he can’t possibly ever do a drop off, it’s a pretty basic requirement.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/01/2023 15:12

He's SELF EMPLOYED!!!!

That literally is the only benefit of being self employed...

gogohmm · 19/01/2023 15:22

It did depend slightly on what he does. My dad was self employed and to take time off he needed to be between contracts, for holidays (once a year growing up) he would schedule to finish a while before then do small jobs if there's no overrun

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2023 15:24

gogohmm · 19/01/2023 15:22

It did depend slightly on what he does. My dad was self employed and to take time off he needed to be between contracts, for holidays (once a year growing up) he would schedule to finish a while before then do small jobs if there's no overrun

Well luckily he has 8 months and a currently empty calendar to either book work in accordingly or pay for childcare.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/01/2023 15:24

Just tell him "I'm not asking I'm telling. I am away those days, dc3 is therefore your responsibility. I've given you 7 mo ths notice"

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