Can I be forced to sell - partner left due to affair?

[Troodles1]

This will be incredibly outing to anyone who knows me, but I am at my wits end of how to cope with my situation.
I have been with my partner for 18yrs, engaged but never married one 14 yr old son and my dd who would have turned 21 2 days ago but died by suicide in 2020.
I put the larger equity into the house we bought 14 yrs ago ( I had worked hard to buy and sell 3 properties as a single mum). When we met we both had the same salaries and It was agreed that I should stop work to raise our son ( and my daughter who was autistic with severe emotional disregulation) while his career took off. I retrained as a Reflexologist and worked around the childcare and his work paying for all the additional things like kids hobbies, tutors, cleaner etc. When tragedy struck 2 yrs ago I had to stop working and was reassured that as he now earned a 6 figure salary and a 15% share in a tech company I could stop working and think about what I wanted to do going forward. He suggested I volunteer somewhere and this is what I did.
in Nov 22 I persuaded him to go to his school reunion ( he wasn’t keen) and there he met a woman from school and a online affair quickly developed as she is married and lives in another part of the country.
Jan 1st he tells me he doesn’t love me and it’s over, I had know idea as I thought our relationship was actually stronger and we were closer after the tragedy of my dd. 6 days later my ds discovers his dads affair on the iPad, extensive messages, inappropriate images the lot. My partner runs away and we haven’t seen him since. He has been hiding behind his keyboard making thinly veiled threats that because I have seen his messages ( my son showed me) I have somehow broken the law. He phoned yesterday ( he is in a hotel) saying that he wants the house sold as he has no where to live and I have thrown him out ( not true)
He emptied the bank account on Sat, although has now put some back. My daughters inquest starts next month, my ds has part of his 1st GCSE. Can he make me sell, do I have any rights, I am lurching from day to day in a state of stress. I have instructed a mediator and had a session with her and I am waiting for him to do the same however he wants to go through a solicitor that I can’t afford. AIBU ?

Contact Women’s Aid as his behaviour is abusive and threatening. They will support you. 💐

Well assuming it's a joint property and you're going to split up then yes, he's probably entitled to half the property. As you're probably not in a position to buy him out (or are you?) you sell up and share the equity.
Whether you split because you have a lover, he does or you've just come to the end of the line doesn't really factor.
Nothing needs selling today though so I'd suggest legal advice. Just putting bit out there but from your perspective would this definitely spell the end of the relationship. You've both been through an awful lot and it sounds like he's been pretty decent up to now.

and it sounds like he's been pretty decent up to now.

Are you having a laugh or was that a typo? What about this mans behaviour has been “decent”?

OP - if I were you I would make an appointment to see a solicitor to find out about your rights. The likelihood (if house is jointly owned) is that he may be able to force you to sell (eventually) - but that could take a long time, especially in this market so don’t panic. You may be able to find a way to buy him out, a friend of mine who is only on a low wage has managed to do this by having a family member act as guarantor on the new mortgage application.

You are going through hell atm, I’m so sorry about your dd
Your dh sounds like a douche and has treated you horribly but it’s all very raw and fresh and with time things will get better.

Go see a solicitor ASAP is my advice x

Assuming to permanently separate (which sounds inevitable) then you will need to come to an agreement about the house which is fair to both parties.

If you want to remain in the house then he is likely entitled to half the equity (unless your bigger deposit was legally ring fenced at the time you bought the property. Can you afford to pay him half the equity or get a mortgage/loan to borrow the money to pay him?

I imagine you will need to seek paid employment ASAP

Sorry you are going through this OP

Well yes of course he can make you sell. It might take a while, but he will succeed in the end.

What is the situation with the house, does it have a mortgage on it, how much equity, do you know if it is held as joint tenants or tenants in common?

Yes , he can force a sale. He has no legal commitment to you because you’re not married.

If his name is on the house as well then yes, he can force you to sell.

It sound hard but your current lack of income is not his problem - you're not married so he has no legal obligation to you - just your son as he's a minor - but that's only in the form of child support.

I'm so sorry you're going through this though and that you lost your DD. Morally he is a shithead but legally he's allowed to force a sale.

I'm so sorry about your dd, my heart breaks for you.

Regarding the house, I would block him and wait for official letters. Make him do all the work. I'd also withdraw everything from the joint account and open a new one to use for everything. Get all direct debits etc moved to the new account. I'd remove myself from the joint account and start looking at future housing options.

Selling up will likely take a while so use the time to get yourself sorted financially if possible. This is presuming he is on the deeds?

Such an awful time for your family and he clearly cares nothing for ds and his exams either. What a bastard. It may not feel like it now, but you are much better off without him in your life. Things will get better

I'm so sorry about your daughter, what a horrible time you are going through.

As you aren't married yes he probably can force a sale. It sounds like mediation is the best way as long as he is willing to participate fully. Your higher part of the deposit should be a factor in the mediation. You need to look at every option to get his portion of the equity out of the house so you can stay in it.

Sorry 😞

do you know if you bought your house as joint tenants or tenants in common?

You need a solicitor. Depending on how your house is legally owned then yes he may have an entitlement to some of the capital. It sounds like you need to buy him out or sell the house. But speak to a solicitor.

you need a solicitor!!

a very good one

dd you buy the house together or is it in your name?

he might have a claim if he can show he has put money into it (if he is not on the deeds/and you are not married) but you 10000% need legal advice. most do 30 mins free but this is a cost well worth spending it could save you thousands.

if he has, i would tell him 20kk and f--k off. get it in writing (or whatever sum you think). play hard ball

I am very sorry for your loss. cannot imagine how much pain you are going through

Did you ring-fence your hefty deposit and/or is the property held as tenants in common in unequal shares? If so those things might improve your position.

In short he is entitled to his share of the equity, either 50% or as above. If you didn't protect your deposit then you can try and argue that you are equitably entitled to a greater share. But then he could argue that he has paid the mortgage for many years (as not married the finances won't be considered joint) and so this shifts the balance back in his favour. As your son is not 18 you might be able to argue a right under the Children Act to keep him housed (but that might be disregarded if you could sell up and buy a 2 bed house/ flat with your share of equity).

I will say that you don't need to worry too much about anything happening too suddenly. You can refuse to sell at least for the time being and he'll have to apply to court for an order for sale and that will take many months at least, then longer still to actually sell the house. Mediation for the time being is sensible and will buy you some time. He can't force you to get a solicitor right now (although if you have funds it would probably be a good idea to discreetly get some advice on your position and best tactics/strategy to preserve your position the best you can. )

Is he paying maintenance for your son? If not get a CMS claim in quick. If you can face it, look for paid work too as you'll need an income.

I'm so sorry about your daughter.

Thank you for the replies, although they are not filling me with much hope. A friend told me years ago to ring fence my deposit , but he told me that I wasn’t showing much commitment to the relationship and that was 14 yrs ago. I will have the paper trail to prove it. He was the most decent, honest, fair man that I knew, until now that I hardly recognise him. He is changing all the narratives eg he never said he wanted me to stop working to be at home for our son even though that would have been impossible he travelled a lot and I worked in the film industry also travelling. He has even said that I threw him out, when actually he ran away down the road on the phone to the other woman and I haven’t seen him since. He has been in a serviced hotel apartment and will shortly be moving a few streets away to one of his friends who is going to live in Thailand for 2 months with a woman he met on bumble🙄