Hi,
New to mumsnet but want to ask AIBU. Any advice or guidance would be lovely.
My husband of nearly 2 years and I have been together for 7 years. We've known each other since we were teenagers but there is a 5 year age gap. He has a child (10, nearly 11) from a previous relationship. We have no children together and have no plans for any at the moment.
We have a nice life and both work hard in our careers to ensure we can have holidays and meals out etc. We both have a strained relationship with his ex partner. She is older than both of us and works 16hrs a week. We have his son every Friday night into Saturday afternoon, and every other Thursday eve for tea. She regularly asks us to borrow money, is chopping and changing childcare arrangements at the drop of a hat (there is no formal agreement in place), and imo, my husband is so frightened of ever putting his foot down with her and calling out her behaviour for fear that she will not allow him to see his son.
On Saturday we are going on holiday abroad. As normal we will have his son on Friday night, however due to our flight leaving in the early afternoon, husband has organised for MIL to come and watch son. We are going away for 6 nights, returning next Friday so we can have his son as normal and not disrupt the coparenting plans. This has been the case for every holiday we have ever had, except one which was a cruise a few years ago.
My bone of contention is that my husband never tells his ex partner that he is going on holiday (with me, his wife) and would prefer to just not tell her and lie that he is either away for work, or some other reason. Due to his sons age, I feel that we now need to have some transparency and start telling his ex partner that we are going away. Husband says he doesn't want to do this because she will kick off and complain that we are going on holiday and that she cannot afford to do the same? (This is not something she has ever said, just something he says she will come out with). Or that she will ring up during the holiday and say son wants to come to our house (this has also never happened), or that son is ill and he needs to come home (also never happened).
I am getting to the point where I feel like I just want him to man up and tell her where to go. I feel like these anxieties are fuelled by his own mind and not by anything she has ever executed. She has never stopped him from seeing his son in the 7 years I've been with him.
We've never had a good relationship with her and don't see it improving, but I'd just like some advice or guidance going forward. It probably sounds self centred, but I don't want to have to keep lying, only going on 6 night holidays because we're pandering to her stupid behaviour and his unfounded anxiety.
Thanks in advance